Friday, December 23, 2011

Drugs. Creativity.

Hello.

Many of us are familiar with the legendary comic Bill Hicks and his skit about drugs and musical creativity. Here's an excerpt below:

"See I think drugs have done some good things for us. If you don't think drugs have done good things for us then do me a favor. Go home tonight and take all of your records,tapes and all your CD's and burn them. Because, you know all those musicians who made all that great music that's enhanced your lives throughout the years? Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreal fucking high on drugs, man."

R.I.P Bill...

But are we as familiar with the fact that the writers/creators of popular children's programs also rely on drug use for their creativity?? Well, I may be speculating here, just a bit perhaps, but it's difficult to argue my theory if you read the following summary for an episode of the popular children's show "Dora The Explorer". Shit, even the name of the show sounds like it came from some creative-type person at some drug-den-type party. Anyway, read on and be enlightened.

"Dora tells the Super Babies a story about how the Dream Fairy's golden rooster got locked out of the Dream Castle and couldn't wake her up to deliver dreams at naptime! This sounds like a job for the Super babies!"

No hard drug influence in that huh?

The episode is named "Happy B-Day Babies" and it flows something like this:

Dora meets up with two flying babies. Apparently their capes make them fly....the flying babies and Dora break into a Happy Birthday song....in the woods they encounter a giant baby --literally a giant's baby.....they proceed onward and encounter the giant who is searching for his missing baby....they approach a mountain in the distance that is shaped like a dragon....as they fly down the hill toward the dragon-shaped mountain, the crew breaks into a "Super Babies" song (pretty catchy tune I might add)....more flying baby stunts ensue (I discover that those aren't capes they're wearing but are actually their blankies)....suddenly and without warning or lead-in, the dialogue breaks into Spanish for an extended period of time....then, they take off in a high-powered, turbo baby cart made for twins (which the Super Babies are)....they encounter a gaggle of small dragons on the dragon-shaped mountain who are singing "eat it ...eat it ...eat it..." over and over.....some counting in the Spanish language occurs....apparently they achieved something upon completion of the Spanish- language counting because a frog, a cricket and a snail, all playing band instruments, fly by the crew on the back of a small dragon (WTF???)....Dora and the Super Babies arrive at the Dream Castle only to find the golden rooster locked out because the Dream Fairy is fast asleep on the inside....they break into the Dream Castle and manage to wake the Dream Fairy....then the whole crew flies off....on their flying journey, they encounter the gaggle of small dragons again and the Dream Fairy fires a number of chili peppers down upon the dragons, causing them to fall asleep....they eventually pass the giant --who has retrieved his previously lost giant baby-- and she (the Dream Fairy) rifles a cloud containing a bunny rabbit towards the duo.....this causes the giant baby to revel in the mere sight of the bunny (apparently this made something "better" although the show does not explain what that may be).....Dora and her crew continue their flight and it takes them into the woods where there are three baby raccoons --not sleeping....she hurls a cloud full of colored stars at them, causing them to fall asleep at last....the journey comes to a conclusion and the whole group of Dora, the Super Babies, a small monkey (haven't even mentioned the monkey yet, it didn't play a huge role either way) and the Dream Fairy sing a compelling version of a song that I think is called "We Did It" (it must be called that because the lyrics repeat "we did it...we did it...we did it..."), complete with MC Hammer-esq dancing....over and over....the snail, the frog and the cricket, still playing the band instruments, now ride small unicycles by the crew(???) as the song is in full swing.

The end.

No drugs involved in that shit???


I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT SEE MY POINT.



~ZFJ

Thursday, December 22, 2011

You mess with the bull, you get the horn

Happy Holidays to you my uber-intelligent readers!!

Northampton really comes alive during the holiday season. It's really a beautiful city where people like to come to buy things, eat, be entertained, and even live. Not that we who live here can easily retain our sanity while navigating through severely congested streets during the holidays or anything. The streets tend to be chock full of pedestrians in a shopping frenzy and vehicles driven by soon-to-be-pedestrians, looking to park somewhere in order to get themselves into a shopping frenzy.

That said, it is a wonderful time of year in a wonderful city!

But why do people have to lean on their horns when they can't move in bumper-to-bumper traffic??

I was attempting to turn left on to a side street of Main St. (bad move) and, of course, could not budge due to congested/frenzied traffic. I tried to make the left a couple times but would have lost the front of my car if I followed through with the turn. A person behind me in a big tough truck simply did not need my ineptitude. He (I looked) leaned on that fucking horn as if his life depended on it. As if that would make the traffic preventing me from turning left "get motivated" and move??? As if it would allow him to proceed to his destination faster by the strength of that horn noise??? Well, it got me to thinking about the psychology of leaning on your horn rudely when you can't move in traffic.

Why do it? Why not just wait your turn?

You're only voicing your lack of patience, self control and discipline while displaying your frustration to the immediate world. Your horn cannot magically make cars disappear or force other drivers to maneuver their vehicles through physical obstacles such as cars, trucks and humans. Your horn does not "send a wake up call" to all of us supposedly slow-witted drivers who are impeding your journey. No my dear horn-leaners of the world, all it serves to do is to make you look like a childish, red-faced, selfish, rude, and frustrated, idiot.

So, how about just being patient? If you're a chronic horn-leaner, how about just not doing it during the holidays? Just a thought...

Ok...that's it for now. Remember to breathe, relax and enjoy the holidays. You'll get your shopping done in due time. And remember, we all have a right to the roadways of the world.

And stop leaning on your fucking horns!!!

:)


~ZFJ

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Consumerism!!!

Hi reader.

Just gonna drop a good ole' fashioned rant/rave on you today. You're welcome!

Rant-

Holiday shoppers @ The Holyoke Mall. Wow. Just "wow".....I'm traversing my way through droves of frazzled, rushed and obnoxious last-minute shoppers --like myself-- and I was just amazed at their "focus". I'm maneuvering around with a VERY heavy item in my hands, trying to get to my vehicle when a man who seems to be looking right at me as he nervously walks in bee-line fashion towards whatever-the-fuck destination he's going to in the mall, almost walks straight into me. He seemed to have no soul. I glanced at his hollow eyes, burnt out from holiday shopping pressure and a subconscious focus compelling him to arrive --quickly-- at his destination. Well, despite me lugging this very heavy item around, I was forced to side-step him as he plowed ahead on his course, even though I would surely have knocked him over had I not dodged him. He just had to get to the next store....the next purchase....and nothing --including a guy with a very heavy item in hand--was to stop him on this day. There were about fifteen more, similar episodes I dealt with en route to my car in the parking lot....it was really fucking "fun". I won't even mention the environment in the parking lot. It reminded me of what true, uncivilized nature once was. And currently is during the holiday season, at The Holyoke Mall.

:)


Rave-

Now, good ole ZFJ needed to go purchase a particular supplement that cleanses the system for a short period of time and I knew just where to go. Never mind what the supplement is dammitt!...Anyway, I had remarked to some friends the other night that I was going to get down to Supplement Zone in Springfield because they're the best, and will have what I need. I joked half-heartedly that the owner, who is famous for remembering every customer's name and basic needs, would probably remember my name even though I hadn't been there in three years. I also commented on how he runs such a personalized, attentive, smart and successful business due in large part to his uncanny memory, personable nature and sincerity. But there's no way he could remember my name since it has been so long, right? Today, I walk in the store and Bob (the owner) says "Hi John! It's been awhile...how are you doing??" After picking my jaw up from the ground, I mentioned the conversation I had with friends about him and how he remembers names etc. He replied with "wait, wait...last name...is...St.Onge...". Blew my mind, once again.

That folks, is how you do it!!

Oh yes, one more shameless plug before I go: http://musicattheelevens.blogspot.com
(Venue I'm booking...get familar with this new blog, thanks)

cheers!


~ZFJ

Monday, December 19, 2011

The Psychology of Dolphins

Hello.

Oh, it's been a while my friendly readers...been rather busy as of late. Handling booking for a sweet-ass Northampton live music and arts hot-spot, among other things. Check it out: http://musicattheelevens.blogspot.com/

Anyway...



Yesterday, on a Sunday that brought the grim awareness of what now is known to me as "my most hated commercial of all time" -the one where the family hums Ozzy Osbourne's "Crazy Train" while driving in their SUV ... On a Sunday that I witnessed the Packers losing their first game of the season and the Colts winning their first of the season..A Sunday that saw me turn two Pick 4 sheets into drink coasters before the 4:00 games even started...a day when I watched in horror as Drew Brees ended my relevancy in Fantasy Football 2011, showing me the door with his 54 point display-at-my-expense. Yes dear reader, on a Sunday that brought me another Miami Dolphins victory in a lost season and another AFC East title from the New England Patriots, unfortunately...I realized something. Why, even a new Iron Chef was crowned yesterday! Congrats to Iron Chef Geoffrey Zakarian (aka Bad Mother Fucker) --no that's not what I realized...t'was a good day indeed.

And I finally was able to express in words, my Psychology of the Miami Dolphins. That IS what I realized.

I think that watching the Dolphins crush the Bills yesterday, earning their fifth victory in their last seven games, combined with all the buzz about them searching for a head coach who could be "The Next Don Shula", forced a clarity into my soul pertaining to the plight of The Miami Dolphins. This new-found clarity made me believe that I could now express this to someone dear to me.

It started in 83'. Th Dolphins had a hot-shot rookie Quarterback named Dan Marino who stepped into the starting role after six games and never looked back. They made the playoffs that year but got beat by the Seattle Seahawks (now in the NFC). In 84' Marino went on to break six NFL Passing records including twirling 48 Touchdown passes and passing for 5,084 yards (as of this writing, that record still stands). Marino is named NFL MVP and the Dolphins make it to the Super Bowl only to lose to Joe Montana and the San Fransisco 49ers. In 85' Marino led the Dolphins to the AFC Championship game. En route to this achievement they defeated the Chicago Bears. This is notable because the Chicago Bear only lost that game all season. Miami remained as the only team to go undefeated through an entire season (includes Super bowl). Unfortunately, Miami was defeated in the AFC Championship game by the upstart New England Patriots (before they were a dynasty team) and their season was over. They surely could have handled the now-legendary Chicago Bears team of 85' than the Patriots did in the Super Bowl, and I can't help but wonder how things would have gone if they ever gave Marino a premier Running Back and a stout defense? If they faced the Bears that year rather than the fucking Patriots?? If Dan Marino won that Super Bowl, how many more could he have won now that he would have tasted that sweet Super Bowl victory???

More about Marino, from Wikipedia:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dan_Marino

Either way, Dan Marino never did win his Super Bowl and when Hall of Fame Head Coach Don Shula retired, he was replaced by the legendary head coach Jimmy Johnson. Johnson had led the Dallas Cowboys to three Super Bowl victories in the early 90's and was a system-building disciplinarian. Things were looking good! With a quarterback like Marino and a proven winner and system-builder for a coach we couldn't lose. But while Jimmy inherited a powerful offense, albeit with no real running game, he also inherited a very lackluster defense. Eventually through high-level drafting and vision, he was able to establish the effective running game and strong defense that would compliment Marino, and could also win Super Bowls.

But this was "Marino's" team. Not Johnson's team, as it should have been.

Team philosophies were designed for Marino. The playbook had to cater to his lore and skill set before anything else...how could a visionary like Jimmy Johnson create his winning team when he was pressured to cater to Marino's vision for the offense??? Inevitably through years of mediocrity that would follow, and the pressure of a deteriorating relationship between Johnson and Marino, Johnson retired and Marino did also retire shortly afterwards.

Here's more about Jimmy Johnson, from Wikipedia:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jimmy_Johnson_(American_football_coach)

Then, Dave Wannnstedt took the reigns of the Dolphins and here's basically how it's gone since:

Shit!
softie coach
shit
ass
sHiT..
dung..
SHit
weak attempt at getting a good QB
shit
lame QB's
more dull coaches...
crap
poop!
Sh*t
guess what, more bad QB's and head coaches
shit poopie crap
&^%^%##@!!&&^%
shit
some good players on board..
shit QB
bad defense
shit RB's..
ass
##%$!!^@!+##
poop!
dullard QB
shit sHIt
ShiT
poopie shit crap....$#%$@^@#$#@!!!

But now, things are buzzing again and they're looking for a leader. Not just anyone...they already found a leader for the playing field. One who just needed an opportunity to shine and did so. Mr. Matt Moore. I hope they let him continue with it. Yes lovely reader I feel that now, they want to be great again.


At least I'm still hoping...and things are buzzing all around.



~ZFJ

Monday, December 5, 2011

Pavlovian Response

Hi there.

An excerpt from Wikipedia:

"The original and most famous example of classical conditioning involved the salivary conditioning of Pavlov's dogs. During his research on the physiology of digestion in dogs, Pavlov noticed that, rather than simply salivating in the presence of meat powder (an innate response to food that he called the unconditional response), the dogs began to salivate in the presence of the lab technician who normally fed them. Pavlov called these psychic secretions. From this observation he predicted that, if a particular stimulus in the dog's surroundings were present when the dog was presented with meat powder, then this stimulus would become associated with food and cause salivation on its own. In his initial experiment, Pavlov used a bell to call the dogs to their food and, after a few repetitions, the dogs started to salivate in response to the bell."

(It's fun to learn about conditioning http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Classical_conditioning)

It's also important that we all learn about conditioning in our environments and surroundings. We should try to identify things we may have been conditioned to, and may even be unaware of. You know? Ever react a certain way when someone said a certain thing in a certain type of manner? It happens at home, at work, with family or even with no other person involved. Whether intentional or happenstance, when the stimulus is issued it sparks an automatic reaction of some form in us. For example, in my life it happens when my roommate makes his way to the bathroom for a shower and sings Rick Astleys's, "Never Gonna Give You Up".

See, Matt's been singing this for almost a year when this event of heading to the shower occurs. (See http://zerofunjohn.blogspot.com/2011/02/green-vibrance-rick-astley-guy-who-is.html for some background info). No big deal there right? It's just a good-humored song. A song that makes me cringe now because it is delivered by a short, hairy-backed lunatic with a towel wrapped around his midsection...go ahead, picture that shit. Many people in my life know of this terrible thing he does. Some of them even laugh at this attempt on my sanity. Well people, it's changed a bit.

The other day I realized that Matt is now singing the tune differently. He is now singing the melody to the song IN A LANGUAGE THAT I BELIEVE DOES NOT EVEN EXIST. Correct reader, you did read that right. I had already become so conditioned to this that I developed a terrible nervous reaction in the form of cringing/"aaargh!"/feeling of isolation from the world, when it happens. Discovering this high-level conditioning attempt in a fake language was a shocking discovery for me. But even more shocking was the fact that I had not noticed the made-up language for almost a month.

Apparently I had become so conditioned to the Rick Astley stimulus that my conscious mind repressed the fact that it was now being sung in a language never heard before. My conscious mind simply issued the same reaction as if it was being sung in English (the reaction of cringing/"AAAARGH"/feeling of isolation from the world). Regardless, am I "ok" with people attempting to evoke that terrible nervous reaction by singing that song? No, I am not. Am I "ok" with it being sung in a pretend language?? NO. No way.

But when I mention to Matt, attempting to make light banter out of it in hopes it may stop someday, I'll say something like "hey man, that's really funny...making up a new language and all when singing Never Gonna Give You Up..." etc. He responds with "I don't know what you're talking about...". So, he is either pretending that he's not really using a faux-language to continue his mental torment campaign against me, or he actually isn't singing it in a silly, made-up language but I'm hearing it that way. Due to the high-level conditioning attack he's employed to date, my mind is so fucked up that, at this juncture, I can't really tell.


...it's working....


~ZFJ

Thursday, December 1, 2011

The road to glory ain't paved in gold

Here's a little thought train for your Thursday reading pleasure.



Last night, I drove Robert back to his home-base feeling very accomplished after a fantastic writing session for our upcoming new album. Of course, we had a scheduled stop at Taco Bell. Readers, I want to tell you about the Taco Bell "Steak Stack" now. Because It is bliss. Pure, raw, greasy bliss.....layers of "steak-material" lovingly embraced by layers of "cheese-material" all in an easy-to-eat-and-chew type of "pita bread-material"....simply delicious, simply decadent. On the way back to my base camp/recording facility, I had 102.1 FM on in the vehicle because my ipod, after waking up the other day and letting me listen to music, went back to sleep for a bit...I guess. Anyway, I enjoyed a couple jingles for local businesses on the short trek home. One was for O'Reilly's auto parts, and was pretty darn good. It had a nice cheesy melody to it and a catchy hook. Kudos to O'Reillys auto parts for that decent jingle!!! Then, I heard the jingle for "Sleepy's" (Mattresses) and it almost brought me to tears. "Sleeep-ieeees....for the rest of your liiiiiiife".....wow! It hit me hard....so passionate! So romantic! ....just absolutely soul melting....I will surely consider them for my next mattress purchase considering the power of their jingle and the way it hit me this night.

Anyway, I arrive at my home-base facility and proceed to "tee-off" on the Taco Bell while enjoying another episode of "Restaurant Impossible" --which doesn't seem too impossible because musclebound Chef, Robert Irvine, seems to be able to turn every restaurant around to profitability, while also turning the restaurant owners very lives around for the better, every time. I flip a few channels and inevitably come across yet another news story about college football coaches molesting and/or having inappropriate relations with young athletes they are coaching. It caused me to reflect on a point that my administrative team and I had been debating/jesting on earlier in the evening.

Why do so many college coaches/coordinators insist on molesting/hooking-up-with/fondling/going-to-the-movies-with and/or generally diddling college athletes who they coach?!?

Hey College Football coaches and coordinators! Will you please just coach football?!? Please?!? Can you please lay off the young-leathery-stud-athletes in your charge?!? Please?????

We wondered, considering how difficult it is to work your way up to one of these positions --which requires hard work, sacrifice, "vision", determination, experience and more--, are they working their way up in order to be in positions of authority to young athletes so they can molest and diddle these young men? Like, is it their "vision" to hold a coordinator/coach position so they can consistently be around these young men when they're showering, dressing and, of course football-ing? Or is it something that evolves over time with the given influence and power they have over these young athletes?

We decided it must be the latter.

We imagine that the evolution goes something like this: At the late-afternoon practice session, a defensive back misses a tackle compelling the coach to bark a command of, "Hey number thirty five!! You miss that tackle again and you've got 20 laps around the practice field my friend!!!"....or perhaps, "Number sixty two!!! You better learn how to block that defensive end or you get no gravy for your mashed potatoes at the team dinner tonight!!!"......"Eighty three!!! Hey! Hey you! Listen to me, you drop one more pass and it's cold water in that shower for a week!!! C'mon!...Catch that fucking ball number eighty three!!"...on and on.....but over time, as they grow accustomed to their power, you may start to hear this shit at practice: "Hey you! Number Thirty five!! You miss that tackle again and I'm gonna shove your face in that hot gravy at the team dinner"......or, "hey seventy seven!! Either you hit that block or I'm gonna slap your ass with a hot towel in that shower!!!", for example. As their comfort level with this power and influence continues to evolve, we may begin to hear commands and discipline such as: "Goddammit number twenty two! You either learn to block or I'm gonna get the Papa Smurf costume, and you're gonna get the Smurfette wig!! Comprende amigo???".....or maybe something like, "Hey quarter back!! You'd best hit that open receiver down field next time or I'm gonna smear hot gravy on your lame ass in the shower after practice!!".....and as they grow even more comfortable with their power and influence, commands may evolve into: "Hey! Number thirty five! Yeah you! Git over here!!! You missed that tackle again and now I'm gonna caress your balls and dick in that shower after practice for 45 minutes!!!".....or, "You!! Yeah you number forty four!!! Dammit. I'm tired of you biting on the play action pass....I'm gonna strip yer sorry ass naked and slap that pink, furry dog leash around your neck! Then I'm gonna parade you around the shower room while wearing a Tinkerbell outfit, with the ass cut out of it, while singing "Hurts So Good" from John Cougar Mellencamp!! Then, I'm gonna spank yer ass, smear hot gravy all over yer lower back and butt-bang you til' them cows come home!!! How do ya like that?!? That'll teach ya how to defend play action ya punk...yipeeeeee!!!"

You get it?

We think this is the most logical explanation for why college coaches and coordinators keep messin' round with their young, leathery, studly football athletes. I mean, we get it, what do you want them to do over there?!? They're only flesh and blood and they have such influence and power in their positions. You expect them to control that shit?!? Once again, flesh and blood people....they consistently have to see these athletes all lathered up in the shower and they just can't control that shit anymore. They just can't take that shit over time. And we all can't control their desire for young-college-athlete-ass, so it all adds up to be a real problem, apparently. Just please stop it. Really. Please stop.


"HEY COLLEGE FOOTBALL COACHES AND COORDINATORS. PLEASE COACH FOOTBALL. PLEASE???? PLEASE STOP MOLESTING THE YOUNG ATHLETES IN YOUR CHARGE. PLEASE, JUST COACH FOOTBALL??? PLEASE?!?"




~ZFJ

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Popular

"I'm head of the class
I'm popular
I'm a quarter back
I'm popular
My mom says I'm a catch
I'm popular
I'm never last picked
I'm a cheerleader chick

I'm the party star
I'm popular
I've got my own car
I'm popular
I'll never get caught
I'm popular
I'm a teachers pet
I make football bets."


No reader, this is not a post about the song "Popular" from Nada Surf. It's a lesson in how important it is to be popular and It's a quick rant about politicians and politics in general, including a National presidential candidate and a person I know who currently is "in office" locally. Politics exist in our lives on every level. Politics are not about doing a good job, instilling change or improving things. Politics are a silly, perverted popularity contests won by those who are the best "convincers". In a job. In a family. In a peer group. And in government, of course.

We repeatedly get to hear all sorts of political "stances" along their campaign trails like: They'll will instill actual change. They're not proponents of "Big Business". They'll make things better for us. They'll lower taxes. They'll improve health care. They'll work to lower the deficit --Insert whatever words you like. It's only that, words, to appeal to what we Americans so desire. It's a silly, redundant, three ring circus with all efforts to get elected, and to get "the power", if you will. Politicians don't give a shit about what their campaign missions say they will do. It's only words. No candidate would be equipped with the actual power needed to instill change when elected. No candidate is so righteous and noble that they can compel the elite establishment in this country to move. At best, they will become a notable figurehead. Political candidates know that they need to attempt to make everyone happy in order to win the election.

They know that they need to be popular.

Just words folks, from human beings just like us. Well, maybe not just like us. Unless you have teams of vested-interest campaign staffers who raise money, provide administrative support, control the media and cover up your wrong-doings along the way? Nope, they're just people who happen to be subject to the same temptations as we are. They get confused and sick like we do. They want comfort and security just like we do. They want money just like we do. They want attention just like we do. They are weak like we are, sometimes. They're not righteous. They're great public speakers who have worked with "vision" to further their careers --at all costs.


Take Republican political candidate Herman Cain for example. His brand is that of an ultra-righteous man who chased the American dream by first choosing what is "right" in his life rather than what would further his career. According to his website, he did not dream of being the President of the United States but rather, he knows the United States needs strong leadership in these times...yadda yadda yadda...I can't even finish typing it because it's all redundant bullshit. Well folks, a citizen of this country stepped forward with accusations of a 13 year, on and off and "very inappropriate" extra-marital affair with Herman Cain. I bet his wife didn't think this was too "right"? Anyway, all this action caused him to "reasses" his presidential campaign over a few days as his crew and him feel that the allegations may "cloud" in some people's minds as to whether or not they would support him going forward. You think??? I mean, shouldn't we be used to this by now?? Do we think he is "pure"??? Anyway, I really like how he said he would be "reassessing his role in the Republican race over the next few days". Meaning, Herman and his crew of pundits, pushers, press contacts and political backers would be scurrying around to gauge whether or not they could still convince the American public that he is a righteous man and whether they could still raise enough money for the campaign to be successful. Yep, lot's of scurrying around, trying to find a way --any way-- to spin this newly-surfaced information in their favor. Probably not going to happen. And he won't be missed. The next one will most likely face the same shit. And we don't care who you're banging, we're just going to vote for the most compelling orator who can "move" us anyway. We're going to vote for the one who makes us believe that he or she will actually make change...etc. Whatever, it's all silly if you think about it.

Here's a fun story of an up-and-coming local politician who I am "graced" to know personally. Names will be withheld because it's never a good thing to upset a politician. Right? So, a "righteous, man-of-his-word, noble, for-the-people" candidate won a local political seat in an election a couple years ago. But before he won his respective popularity contest, he was just a normal citizen like you and I. Here's a bit about his actual character. A girl I know is very good friends with this man. I remember her her Jack and Jill pre-wedding party and how he had confidently assured her that he had the music for the evening "covered" as well as many other organizational details of the event. Nope. He just plain didn't get things done and plain didn't bat an eye for not doing it. He was just too consumed with his life, his campaign and his "public" to do what he said he would do. I mean, her party wasn't going to affect his political campaign anyway, so it was "expendable". I provided music for the event that night and it was a great time. Additionally, I had the pleasure of working with this gentleman a few years ago in the same company and he was, let's say, a rather shitty employee. As a result of his consistent disregard for company policy --like not blowing off customers to relax at home all day-- he was fired. Upon exiting the building, he proceeded to vandalize the office with a spray painted Nazi Swastika on the wall above the doorway, complete with "fuck you" cleverly written below it. Noble.....Righteous.

There you have it reader, the actions of A true "man for the people". Unless you fire him from a job or rely on him to make good with what he has promised, of course. Point being: It's not about him per-say, it's about you knowing that it's only words. Words from political people to get you to view them in a positive light. To get more votes and get elected. To get the power and be, popular.


"I'll never get caught"



~ZFJ

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Before things get too "medical", let's get ourselves together.

Guten Tag lieber Leser ,

Experienced readers of this blog know that I am a fan of Prescription Medications listing of possible side effects in their marketing pieces (see http://zerofunjohn.blogspot.com/2011/04/weight-of-our-choices.html for reference). Savvy readers may have also picked up on the fact that, not only do I loathe mosquitoes, they seem to despise me at the same time (see http://zerofunjohn.blogspot.com/2011/07/bruce-lee.html for a bit of reference on this subject )....Furthermore, the most prolific reader may also know of my aspirations to become a Motivational Speaker (see http://zerofunjohn.blogspot.com/2011/05/u-and-ur-motivational-speeches.html for reference). And even furthermore, you may know that I have never been defeated in an eating "contest".

Last evening while having dinner with some good friends, they "challenged" me to try and eat 6 saltine crackers with no water (etc), in the span of one minute. I tried. I failed. Good thing this was merely a "challenge" rather than a "contest". So, loyal reader, you may continue to be confident in me to destroy any and all opponents who dare enter an eating "contest" against me. However, I wouldn't be too confident in my eating "Challenge" skills at this time. But this post is not about that, and you may be wondering why I foreshadowed this post with some key points about my life and aspirations complete with click-able links?

Before I get to my point, which will enhance your life and thoughts through this holiday season and beyond, I'd like to point out that I was terrifyingly correct about something I claimed recently. My claim was, since I am still dealing with hoardes of mosquitoes that congregate on my back porch and back door, that they have constructed some type of fortress that I cannot locate. I'm assuming it is under my porch somewhere but I've launched seek and destroy missions, I've ran extensive surveillance and have even hired espionage experts to help. All to no avail. I know, I know....This is a ridiculous claim. Then how do I explain the droves of mosquito warriors that were perched on my backdoor last night??? It was fucking November 28th last night people!! You think you have a better explanation than my "fortress" theory??? I'd really love to hear it....I'd also really love to not have malicious blood sucking demons lying in wait for me to come home so they can take me out. It makes me crazy but, I chose to control my attitude last night and broke out "The Equalizer" for an impromptu death-dealin' party in my kitchen (http://zerofunjohn.blogspot.com/2011/06/sniper-equalizer-hot-topics.html)....anyway, here's a picture of just a corner of the backdoor in question. ***Warning, the picture may be unsettling to some readers***



Photobucket


Shocking....riveting...



So,I was watching TV the other night and once again got really amused at the extensive list of potential side effects that could happen if you take a prescription drug. It got me to thinking that we all really need to seek other ways to take care of ourselves. America peddles the "put-a-band-aid-on-the-Cancer" thinking and pharmaceutical companies take it to the bank. Shit, recently I looked up a prescription that I use for Asthma and it's retail cost in the U.S.A is $295.99. The retail cost through a Canadian pharmacy was $64.95. Wow. Now, I'm not going into the massive insurance scam that America runs on us, or the cost of prescriptions in our country. I'm only suggesting that we need to focus on our physical health or our mental health simply cannot be vibrant. If our mental state is not vibrant --or at least comfortable-- than our spiritual health (not talking religion here folks) cannot blossom. Our physical health is the easiest and most mechanical key to mental and spiritual health and also a factor that many of us tend to place low priority on --which leaves many of us to have to rely on prescription drugs to "feel better". Truth is, unless we have our physical, mental AND spiritual health "in line", we will have difficulty feeling consistently "happy". All you need to do is get active, get healthy and keep doing it. Your mental and spiritual health will respond in accordance. That said, I believe, considering all the wonderful information available to all of us these days, that we should focus on natural cures, holistic approaches to health and consistent activity that will help to enhance our physical state of being --Before things get too "medical". Yes reader, this perspective is going to be part of my budding Motivational Speaking career in the future...just working on the speeches.

But even more important than this perspective, is our attitude. Health concerns are stressful for people. The holidays can be stressful for many people. Day to day life can be stressful to people. Shit, just getting out of bed can be stressful some days. We can't control things like mosquitoes constructing fortresses under our porches in efforts to strike back at a person who has destroyed countless numbers of them. We can't control the fact that America absolutely rapes it's citizens with healthcare costs and prescription prices. We can't control the actions of friends, like when they issue an impossible eating "Challenge" thus putting a perfect eating record in jeopardy. Again, just so you know, it was not a sanctioned eating "contest".

Anyway, we can control our attitudes and that's where we need to focus because that's where everything "good" or "bad" originates from. I'm leaving you with a quote from Charles Swindoll that, when I first read it, opened a door to "better" thinking for me. Maybe you've read it? Maybe not? Either way, it's still good to refresh/realize. Here you go:

“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our Attitudes.”


Later....


~ZFJ

Monday, November 28, 2011

...and everything looks good if you know the right way to put it on.

ZZ Top said it best, "The girls go crazy for the sharp dressed man."


As I've mentioned in previous instances, Northampton Massachusetts is a cool fucking place to live, visit and party in. We have forward-thinkers, active culture, beautiful architecture, diversity and generally lot's of cool-looking people. We have a reputation for having an active music scene here too. Why, even Saturday Night Live recently ran a skit about that. The skit wasn't funny or accurate but still, that is Saturday Night Live talking about "us". We've got crosswalk laws that will make your head spin, complete with people who saunter across these crosswalks while you fucking wait to pull into your desired street. We even have people who will simply jump out into the crosswalk with nary a glance at potential oncoming traffic -because they can. We foster a "locally-based-do-the-right-thing-for-the-Earth-and-your-community" atmosphere --which is very commendable. Yes indeed, we have intelligent, cultured, detailed and professional people out here and naturally, a hipster population that will also make your head spin. They wear the "right" clothes. They listen to the "right" music. They watch the "right" films. They're fierce individuals who stick together and also kind-of do the same things, and oftentimes look the same way. They ride the "right" bikes. But this post is not about the wonderful hipster community of Northampton, at least they are generally cultured people. This is about Northampton's high number of what would appear to be, avid bicycle enthusiasts. Well dressed bicycle enthusiasts, mind you. See, it's not the amount of bikes and bikers that impresses me, it's the attention to detail that goes into what outfit to wear while riding the bicycles that impresses me. I mean, say what you want about Northampton but we, hands down, have the most well dressed bike people in the world....right here in this town.


Early Saturday afternoon as I drove to my destination, I was stopped at a light waiting to make a right turn onto Route 9. It was a rather busy intersection complete with pedestrians trying to figure out the crosswalk schedule --they obviously don't live here-- and oncoming traffic from multiple directions. Soon, the coast looked clear so I hit the accelerator to manipulate the turn but almost in the same motion, I was forced to jump on the brakes. I would have run over a fast-moving/cool-looking guy on a bike who shredded past the front of my car if I had continued to accelerate. The rouge riders bike was leaning toward the "vintage" style of ten-speed rather than a newer model, of course. Still, despite the lack of technology built into his bike, due to the technology not being in existence when his bike was manufactured, he had that fucker flying down the street at an impressively high rate of speed. But, my dear reader, this is not about his bike. Check his outfit out: Cool looking beard, sunglasses, cool looking hair --despite the wind resistance, cigarette in mouth. One more time, cigarette in mouth. That's right....anyway, I also noted the brown, fashionable, boots, grey pants, black shirt and one of those "cool" looking backpacks that actually had black/brown trim, matching the overall outfit. Wow. He probably was just going down the street to get a new pack of cigarettes but he sure looked cool doing it. I was more jealous by how cool he looked with that cigarette in his mouth while shredding around on his bike, than I was startled by almost hitting him with my stupid car. I mean, we do get that a lot out here, the cool/aloof-looking-hipster-bike-rider opting for a vintage-style 10 speed bike and possibly wearing clothing (for men) that will resemble something James Dean would have worn. And/or (for women) something "80's" looking on either a vintage style bike or an absolutely clever/quirky-style bike. ***Disclaimer: These fashion styles will change in approximately 6 months. Or may have already? Who knows? I'm not too hip***.....Anyway, looking cool, slashing around on a vintage bike and now, smoking cigarettes -which really makes a person look cool. All while riding a bike??? That's right....Not a care in the world.

We also feature the more "settled", professional and ultra-serious bikers out here. They're not hipsters but are forward-thinkers, career-oriented, possibly innovators(?), perhaps a bit judgemental(?), outwardly organized and detail-oriented. These people may work in high-tech, cultural and/or think-tank style jobs. They wear the tight spandex-ish biking outfits with company sponsors all over the taut material, even though they're most likely not sponsored riders. Their bikes are in the $5,000-$15,000 range and feature Carbon Fiber, lasers and computerized shifters. These people pride themselves on doing everything right. Everything. No detail, or expensive accessory is left out of their biking pusuits. Their bikes make me realize how little I know about bikes, spandex and having excessive money available to buy that kind of bike. They employ every biking etiquette and road signal while touring 3-6 blocks from their driveway to their "green", poshly-decorated Main Street office -where work life balance is highly enforced, of course.

We even have a trash and recycling service out here called "Pedal People", which I am not dissing at all. Total kudos out to them to be able to do that kind of work, hauling bins of stuff around town to it's appropriate places, on their bikes. My point is, if you're going to come to Northampton thinking you're going to impress us with your hip outfit as you ride through town on your vintage bike, you're not. Or if you think we'll be intimidated by your spandex outfit with feigned sponsors on it and your super-high-end bike, we won't. We're all very used to this by now.


And it's cool....That's it.



~ZFJ

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Introducing: "Suck it dry Sunday"

Last night it occurred to me, and I still almost don't believe it. See, I was settled in and unwinding with some Ghost Adventures --not an episode from the new season which are full of "hammed-up" acting and flimsy claims of demonic possessions by the shows three Ghost Hunters-- but an episode from a previous season where they actually still managed to catch ghosts talking and floating around on video. Anyway, then it happened. A retail operation ran a commercial for their wares...It started out routinely enough with mentions of Black Friday deals and what they're selling, and why I should buy it. The commercial ended with a plug for deals that run from Black Friday to "Cyber Monday"

Cyber Monday??? What the fuck is this shit?

Maybe you are aware of this? Maybe you already know what the "brand" for Cyber Monday is supposed to be? I assume it's THE day where you and I can get super-deals online??? Not like we can do that EVERY day or anything. It occurred to me that the retail operations and the media are actually attempting to brand a full "shopping" weekend in this country, rather than just the Friday after Thanksgiving, and are actually naming (branding) certain days so us sheep -err, "Consumers", can rush out and buy when we are told. Don't believe me? Well then how do you explain "Small Business Saturday"? That's right reader! A short time after I learned about Cyber Monday I got hit with a commercial for Small Business Saturday, which featured all sorts of actors posing as consumers, proclaiming that they're going to buy at least one thing from a local "small" business in their area --on Saturday! What. The . Fuck. Is. This. Shit???? I have not yet heard what the branding name for Sunday of this shopping weekend is called but I'm sure it's out there, or in development in some retail operations lavish conference room as we speak. Wow....it's all so lame....my teeth are turning and turning.

Two other things that got me down about the current state of our country and Hollywood entered my consciousness a short time after the aforementioned revelations. One of them is a product called "Forever Lazy". People, these are fleece "Footy" pajamas for adults. One piece, with flaps in the front and back so when we have to take shit or piss while wearing this outfit, we don't even have to remove it. Nice! They are currently available in three awesome colors: "Workday Blues" --a nice play on words reminding us of how much it sucks to have to go to work, especially if you're wearing this shit, "Hanky Pinky Fuscia" --no comment, and of course "Asleep On The Job Gray" --that's really it's name. Like we really need to be more lazy in this country??? C'mon!!! Then, while still in the throes of annoyance from learning about this fucking shit, I get hit with a commercial for the upcoming holiday movie, "New Years Eve". It seems to be about a group of young attractive friends and lovers who, want to party in Times Square. On New Years Eve. That's it? I mean, how bout' a movie where the Earth gets attacked by aliens on New Years Eve?? Or a movie where someone successfully thwarts a terrorist attack on New Years Eve?? It's been done but at least it has some kind of a believable story set on New Years Eve, rather than just being about New Years Eve. But not in our current times, nope, we get holiday movies about peoples aspirations to go party on New Years Eve. Wow Hollywood......wow America.

Anyway, I realize that I have watched too much TV already in this holiday season and today I hope to find a nice sand pile, or maybe a pile of debris in the street in which to bury my head for a quick reprieve from the bombardment. While writing this I have come up with a name for the Sunday portion of America's new shopping weekend:

"Suck it dry Sunday"

Like it?

You heard it here first reader....hopefully it will catch on!


See ya!



~ZFJ

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Oil & Water, Black Friday, and other things that turn the teeth

Good evening reader.

The NFL Network has these two analysts. One of them, Brad Nessler, is monotone and calm while the other, Mike Mayock, has either done a bunch of coke, or needs to punch someone hard, with a lot of sustained intensity and aggression. I'm actually worried as of this writing that he could find me somehow. Makes my teeth turn when I have to endure their broadcast along with an otherwise quality NFL game.

Also, while driving to the kin-folks house today with my sidekick, the music sucked particularly hard, in case you were wondering. It, the radio, was mostly of the background-noise nature due to the ongoing conversation between Jack and I. Unfortunately, he fell asleep and I just drove with that shit on from there. My rigged-up ipod is still on the fritz, also unfortunate. It just stays in a funk, on the fritz, sometimes for a few days. One day...a week? It's tough to tell when the device will decide to wake up...Anyway. 99.3 was on by default, as I had been conducting research on it the other day, and then Kid Rock came on. Not one, but two full songs. Kid Rock makes my teeth turn.

Black Friday. The concept. The term. And the really overbearing and annoying branding being done with it, MAKES MY TEETH TURN. It is really up our asses, so bad. Seems more intense this season? I could be wrong, or maybe I simply haven't paid as much attention in the recent past. I'm not even joking. It turns my teeth when I hear it. I've tried to actually find the reasons inside my heart for why it is bothering me so much. Can't I just "play ball" with the artillery bombardment-like conditioning effort that the media will unleash upon us all?? Not like it's anything new...No. I can't. It sucks. Spending quality time with friends and family should be our focus. But that gets interrupted by signals on the TV to, Buy...on fucking Black Friday. Shit, one store has a fucking jingle with a girl singing "blaack Friday...Black Fridaaaaay..." Hey Kohls. (that's right, I know which store it is. See, I hated it so much the other day that I made sure to find out which store was responsible...) Fuck you Kohls. I know it's my own fault that I had the radio on and was also watching a good dose of TV Football, then TV in general. Just hate that shit man...I just hate it.

Chris Deprey turns my teeth. Because he's the one that, at least in my life, first uttered the phrase "Turns my teeth".

Ammo's barking is currently turning my teeth.


Otherwise, I'm having a solid Thanksgiving holiday so far. Hope you are too.



~ZFJ

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

The Formula?

Hi.

Driving in my Range Rover (Mitshubishi Galant) down Broadway in Manhattan (Main St, Northampton)the other day...anyway. My car's CD player shit the bed some time ago but that's no problem because I rigged up one of my ipods to the stereo. As a result of my ingenuity, I get to listen to music I want, rather than the shitty/available radio stations. But, inevitably the ipod --which has dependency on radio signals being clear in order for it's reception to be clear-- goes on the fritz now and then. The other day it went on one of these fritzes and I had to resort to: Mainstream radio. I had Rock 102 on for a bit because the music, classic rock, is very tolerable. However, I had to switch the station because I couldn't handle the mindless, self-absorbed drivel that Bax & O'Brien were spewing over the airwaves.

Then I switched to 99.3 FM. I'll admit, I occasionally listen to this station even when the ipod is working, in order to "research" what the radio is playing for all of us average listeners these days. Bad move, as always.

I got hit with various Nu-Metal songs and paltry attempts at humor from the stale DJ's. I once again was not surprised with what I got served, but still, it got me to thinking about a topic that I had been kind of burning on for awhile. With so much great, open, passionate and fresh music available in the world, why does mainstream "rock" radio continue to force watered-down, thoughtless and formulaic songs from every conceivable Nu-Metal band on people?? And why does most NU-Metal music sound basically the same? Why not feature other styles of rock music? Why does modern "radio-friendly" rock music all seem to be NU-Metal?? At least this is what 99.3 FM is slinging. But why??? Why won't NU-Metal bands expand their overall dynamic? I mean, the very term for the genre came about because of the mixture of rock with hip-hop/DJ elements. Why can't they continue to find new mixtures that may be fresh?

Please remember, this blog contains factual opinions.

Why? Because, they want to sell the product that they know will sell. Art seems to be a secondary thought --if considered at all. It's about sales folks...and when you've got a proven system for sales, you stick to it. So, write music that will work on the radio, will appeal to the "everyday" folks out there and that will sell albums, songs and tickets to the show. **I'm all for people making livings from their music. I just feel that people sometimes, in order to make this living, will "run a business" rather than creating their art. They just put out a solid "product" that, based on status-quo, they believe will sell.** Why, it seems that over the years, NU-Metal music has found actual "formulas" that work (sell) and, if it ain't broke, don't fix it. The "Godfathers of NU-Metal", Korn, once admitted to writing in formulas. The band Staind did as well. Don't quote me...but listen.

Here are brief descriptions of the three basic formulas:


#1) The "positive-affirmation-you'll-never-hold-me-down-and-I'll-emerge-stronger-from-this-torment" type song. This song will usually feature some kind of rawkin' intro riff (which may also occur after each chorus to lead the verse back in). The verses will scale back dynamically, usually relying on the bass to shine through with some picking on the guitar. The singer will try to sound like Layne Staley (RIP) while delivering the strife parts of his or her "situation" to the listener. The chorus will contain tag lines with mass appeal qualities, so we can all relate to their plight. The bridge will occur upon completion of chorus #2 and there will be a third chorus or verse riff to take the song out.

#2) The "I'm-such-a-bad-boy-who,-if-you-decide-to-mingle-with,-will-turn-you-"bad"-just-like-me-and-you'll-like-it." This song formula also features a rawkin' intro riff which again, may recur in the song. However, while the verses usually change dynamically in similar style to the aforementioned formula, they will usually feature a muted guitar riff while the "bad boy" singer tells us why he's so dangerous and out of control. The verses will feature porn star references, stripper pole references, dirty sex references and other "taboo" lyrics to establish just how fucking bad-ass the singer is in his life. The chorus will usually be "explosive" with stupid tag lines such as "I'm an American Nightmare..." that inspire us to try and be bad-ass like the singer is. The bridge will usually occur upon completion of the second chorus and will either be extremely rawkin' or will bring the dynamic MUCH lower, in order to set up further explosiveness for the third chorus or nasty riff to take the song out.


#3) The "ultra-introspective/comin'-clean" type of song. This is the big change of pace for most rawkin' NU-Metal bands. This type of formula normally features acoustic guitar music --many times almost sounding like Country Music-- (I surmise that there are real parallels between Country Music and NU-Metal music as they both rely on putting out a sell-able "product" for the masses to consume?). This type of formula is gaining popularity as more NU-Metal bands have realized that they must expand their song dynamics in order to keep selling records, catering to the opinions of the masses and of course, getting radio play. This type of song is designed to let you know that the band you view as taboo, dangerous, uncontrollably-sexual and wild also has a sensitive side. They want to let you know that they're not just big "rawk stars" like you think, they're also just like you. They want you to relate to them. They want you to buy their record.

yawn...

I know...I know. Who the fuck am I to spew these opinions all over the blogosphere??? Well, a few years ago I was a member of a band that, while it didn't start out as NU-Metal, it surely "evolved" into it. While I'd like to mention that we had some level of substance and integrity, we still consciously wrote music to appeal, to be "Radio friendly" and to be marketable. I left that band to pursue the art I felt was inside me. I wanted to shed the parameters that I felt were established in NU-Metal music by radio, by industry professionals we consulted with, by our fans and by ourselves. I wanted to find the honest messages within me and bring them out, regardless of who may "buy" it. (Tearing at your heartstrings?)

While still spinning my heels with this band, I remember particular phone conversation I had with a good friend. I complained about Rock music and how sterile and repetitive it felt to me. How every song on the radio bored me and seemed repetitive and contrived. I'm forever indebted to this friend who slapped the reality on me: He vehemently informed me that Rock music was not sterile. The music being fed to me is sterile. He said if I want to find the music that moves me then I have to take initiative and search for it.

Which I did.

I hope you do.

Or just like whatever you want and enjoy the upcoming holiday, eat drink and be merry!!!

and turn off mainstream rock radio once in awhile. :)



~ZFJ

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

The Normalcy Bias

In continuing with my holiday kickoff theme, I've decided to just include some eye-opening information about what exactly is a Normalcy Bias. But before we begin, I must tell you that I'm dropping this on you because you need to be awake. Really. I watched a video yesterday that was quite sobering (about the potential for the U.S. Dollar to be further devalued and possibly not continue as the worlds exchange currency...uh oh)...

Anyway, that's what stimulated my thoughts about Normalcy Bias. Many/most of us think, because something hasn't happened yet, that it never will. There are just too many examples in world history to not open your mind to what could happen. We have to take a really good look at what is happening --then look deeper into "why" things are happening--and begin to think on your feet to handle the lightning speed changes that our world is bringing to us. Serious shit here reader. But, as you know, ZFJ Blog is here to help.

The only consistency in life is change.

And now, what exactly is Normalcy Bias?

From Wikipedia:

"Normalcy bias
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

The normalcy bias, or normality bias, refers to a mental state people enter when facing a disaster. It causes people to underestimate both the possibility of a disaster occurring and its possible effects. This often results in situations where people fail to adequately prepare for a disaster, and on a larger scale, the failure governments to include the populace in its disaster preparations. The assumption that is made in the case of the normalcy bias is that since a disaster never has occurred then it never will occur. It also results in the inability of people to cope with a disaster once it occurs. People with a normalcy bias have difficulties reacting to something they have not experienced before. People also tend to interpret warnings in the most optimistic way possible, seizing on any ambiguities to infer a less serious situation.[1]


The normalcy bias may be caused in part by the way the brain processes new data. Research suggests that even when the brain is calm, it takes 8–10 seconds to process new information. Stress slows the process, and when the brain cannot find an acceptable response to a situation, it fixates on a single solution that may or may not be correct. An evolutionary reason for this response could be that paralysis gives an animal a better chance of surviving an attack; predators are less likely to eat prey that isn't struggling.[2]

Effects

The normalcy bias often results in unnecessary deaths in disaster situations. The lack of preparation for disasters often leads to inadequate shelter, supplies, and evacuation plans. Even when all these things are in place, individuals with a normalcy bias often refuse to leave their homes. Studies have shown that more than 70% of people check with others before deciding to evacuate.[2]

The normalcy bias or the sheep effect also causes people to drastically underestimate the effects of the disaster. Therefore, they think that everything will be all right, while information from the radio, television, or neighbors gives them reason to believe there is a risk. This creates a cognitive dissonance that they then must work to eliminate. Some manage to eliminate it by refusing to believe new warnings coming in and refusing to evacuate (maintaining the normalcy bias), while others eliminate the dissonance by escaping the danger. The possibility that some may refuse to evacuate causes significant problems in disaster planning.

Examples

Little Sioux Scout camp in June 2008. Despite being in the middle of "Tornado Alley," the campground had no tornado shelter to offer protection from a strong tornado.[4]
New Orleans before Hurricane Katrina. Inadequate government and citizen preparation and the denial that the levees could fail were an example of the normalcy bias, as was the thousands of people who refused to evacuate.
The September 11th Attacks can also be seen as a case of normalcy bias. Although the US Government received adequate signals that an attack was being organized, inadequate steps were taken to prevent it."



The video I saw yesterday is here
http://www.newamerica15.com

You'll need an hour to watch it if you're interested...


Happy Holidays!!


~ZFJ

Monday, November 21, 2011

Dark Corners & Lifestyle Messages

Happy Monday reader!

And happy holiday season...which, if you have turned on the television, entered a retail store, listened to the radio or have generally been not-sleeping to any extent, you have already been innundated with holiday messages, huge sales alerts and various other messages. All serving to drive home the point of how we "need" to get out and buy shit.

But first, I'd like to mention that I had a great weekend full of recording music, attending "Friendsgiving" and watching the Dolphins win their third straight game. I don't know what the future of "The Bastion of Despair" will be now that the Fins just can't stop winning... I'll just have to cross that bridge when it is time. On Saturday evening, right after the studio session, we drove to Cambridge for "Friendsgiving", and despite our fatigue, it was a fun holiday time as per usual. Friendsgiving really kicks off the holiday season, in my opinion. Prior to the evenings festivities in Cambridge, our Saturday recording session was rewarding and liberating, as recording sessions usually are for us. Not many things can replace the feeling of "making it official", with regards to the music we've been working on for the last year or so. Here's a shout out to Zeuss, Metal music Producer/engineer extraordinaire --and also our drum track engineer for this album. We don't play Metal music but we sure do like the raw drum tones he can get!! The guy is meticulous. The guy is awesome.


While at the studio with drum tracking in-progress, we engaged in our tradition of perusing the selection of Metal magazines in order to find Metal band names and album titles that are funny to us. We not only found a few gems, but also realized how dead fucking serious these bands are about striking fear into the hearts of the listener. And how serious they are about tapping into the "black" parts of the soul and the mind in their album titles. It occured to us that Metal bands, especially "Death" Metal, "Black" Metal, "Viking" Metal and the like, will forever be locked in an everlasting quest to create super-fast, highly agressive and very evil music. Equally important to the quest of fast, evil music is the quest to name their albums in the most fear-inspiring, "dark", occult-like and sickening-thought-conjuring nature. Which is funny. Here's a few samples:

Baptized in Blood, "Baptized in Blood"
Carnifex, "The Diseased and the Poisoned"
Hell Within, "Asylum of the Human Predator"
With Blood Comes Cleansing, "Horror"
Arsis, "We Are the Nightmare"
Dimmu Borgir, "Death Cult Armageddon"
Cradle Of Filth, "Damnation And A Day"

Wow. Take it easy? Life isn't that bad? Try to tell that to these bands though and they will gladly kill you with their evil bare hands or, and surely most preferably to them, with a human sacrifice --of YOU-- to Satan, or whatever other dark entity they're singing about. Watch it?

*sigh*

Well reader, Happy Holidays, again. Now is the time of year that hopefully we can unwind and spend quality time with loved ones, family and friends. It's the time of year for giving. And it's the time of year that retail operations in this country energetically and methodically drill this message into our brains and souls. We know, we know...we "have" to give presents. We have to spend money and they, the various retail operations, love receiving our money. This is not a secret, we all know that they're in business to make money. We just endure the blitzkrieg that begins around Halloween....Every season.......Every channel....Every commercial... Every radio.....Every website.....Every possible form of pressure to buy, both subtle and overt.

But that's not even my point. What I'm getting at is how all this effort only enhances my personal distaste for their corporate tag lines. Millions of marketing research dollars spent....then millions of advertising dollars spent, to get...our money. Your money. My money. They need to have their "brand" positioned correctly in the marketplace in order to get our money. They attempt to "disarm" us with positive affirmations, empowering lifestyle messages and clever plays-on-words. But still, we know they don't really care about our lives being "better". We know they just want "it", our money.

*sigh*

And they know that times have changed from the commonplace, everyday mindless, controllable-consumer to the savvy, internet-researching, powerful and resourceful consumer. They know we are armed with information and therefore will be difficult to control. So they needed to make their tag lines "stroke" us a little bit more while still conveying the message of: "Buy shit from our store". They needed to appeal to our intelligence with "lifestyle" messages in order to reinvent their brand and image, to get us to buy shit at their store. New tag lines have emerged that are assertive, confident, reassuring, simple, elementary, clever and, most importantly: THE MESSAGE HAD BETTER NOT TELL ME WHAT TO DO. For example, Lowes used to be:

"Let's Build Something Together".

No, let's not. I don't want to build something with you. I want to build something my fucking self thank you, because I can. I don't need your shitty help, Lowe's. I want to build it with the incredible information that I recently acquired. I have the power...So Lowe's changed it to:

"never stop improving".

Which sounds like a chorus to an 80's Arena-Rock hit single! THAT'S what I want right there. A tag line that makes me feel more uplifted and empowered while I "Never stop improving" my home... with the materials I just bought at your store...fuck you Lowe's.

Or Wal-Mart with:

"Save Money. Live Better"

Simple. Nasty. Appeals to my "just-keep-it-simple-for-me-and-don't-insult-my-intelligence-because-I-have-so-much-power-through-information-that-I-won't-fall-for-any-fucking-sales-pitches" sense of mind. Their old tag line was:

"Always Low Prices"

You think I don't fucking know that Wal-Mart????? You think I didn't just look up on the internet that your store boasts lower prices than other stores, all the time??? I can't tell that's your "niche" huh??? You think I'm stupid??? Fuck off, I'm not going to your store.

Or perhaps, JCPenny's new tag line (Yes, they are still in business...surprised me too reader!):

"We Make It Affordable. You Make It Yours."

"Cool". Now that they matter-of-factly told me that things are affordable there, if I decide, through my extensive research process of "where things are affordable", that's the place to go, I might just go "make it mine". Confidently mine because I researched it.

But JCPenny can't be happy with just one tag line from what I hear. They also have an ongoing tag line to force on us from time to time. That's right reader, they have two corporate tag lines going simultaneously!! This borders on insulting my intelligence. Here's that tag line:

“New look. New day. Who knew!"

That's it! My intelligence is insulted now. That sounds like a stupid line from "Sex In The City" or some fucking Rachel Ray cooking show! It sucks and you know what? Just writing it has officially made me angry enough to never go to JCPenny's. Get with it you assholes!!!


Anyway, for kicks over the weekend, my genius-level administrative team and myself decided that things need to change in the constant barrage of corporate tag lines and Metal band album names. We feel that it would be refreshing to live in a world where Metal Band album names and corporate tag lines traded places. Like, I'd be listening to Cradle Of Filth's new album "America Runs on Dunkin" while driving to: Lowe's ("Asylum Of The Human Predator") to get some plumbing fixtures.


Maybe while shopping in Wal-Mart, (tag line "We Are The Nightmare"), I decide to purchase the new Baptized In Blood album entitled, "Never Stop Improving"???

Or, I'd be watching American Football or something and a commercial airs for McDonalds, "Death Cult Armageddon". I like cults. I don't currently like McDonalds. But with a tag line containing the word "cult"?? ....I'll have a Big Mac please. Actually, make it two.

You get it?

Anyway, this would serve to not only "lighten up" some of the Metal bands of the world but also to carve out the edgy tag lines that all of us super-informed/empowered consumers will eventually need to be stimulated. AND, since we're "always playin' games" here at ZFJ Blog (thinking of this for the ZFJ Blog tag line), we encourage you to have good times of your own this holiday season with friends and family by switching Metal band album names and corporate tag lines!!!

Ok, I'm outta here...going to listen to the new With Blood Comes Cleansing album, "We Make Smiles", while doin' some cardio at the gym.

Bye!



~ZFJ

Thursday, November 17, 2011

The Thin Red Line

In the immortal words of David Lee Roth: "Here's to your thin red line, ooooooh I'm steppin' over."


Hello reader. For a few years now I've been proclaiming the music industry to be a "level playing field" where the "great" songwriters will reign supreme. I realize I am not the only one with this sentiment. See, the internet has changed EVERYTHING --as most of us know or are quickly discovering. Big mean record labels used to be able to "tell" us what to like and force feed us their music via mainstream radio and every other form of marketing. No longer. Major labels and even Independent labels employ many of the same resources that are currently at our fingertips...just waiting to be discovered and touched by us. Now, we consumers know that we can find the music we like and easily "own" it via hundreds of online options. No longer does a band or artist need to sign any fucking sort of deal to expose their art and potentially make a living from it. If the band/artist has "the goods" (quality content, if you will) then we consumers can, and maybe will, find them. The overall entertainment industry is following suit...but this post is not about the music industry. Rather, it's about how we're crossing the "thin red line" in many other capacities in our country, and in our world. Meaning, we not only realize that we can take action, we are.

Even governments and Corporate America are not safe.

For example, President Obama set records for his campaign donations --largely credited to his consistent and widespread activity levels within his massive Social Media network, combined with this country's very real desire for change. See, they can't tell us who to vote for on TV or the newspaper anymore. WE can educate ourselves very easily. We can acquire information easily. We can further research the validity of the information quickly. We can make decisions for ourselves based on the information we've easily acquired. Major news networks --which we as citizens used to rely on for information of what is going on in the world, our country, our state and our cities/towns-- are fading fast and finding it difficult to control the "people", or the "99%", if you will. Now, ANYONE can spread an idea. ANYONE can sell music. ANYONE can start a war. Just have a message. Find like-minded people. Spread your message to them. Reap results.


In the immortal words of Seth Godin (from his blog post on Seth's Blog: "The Extraordinary revolution of media choice". If you don't know who Seth Godin is then you are just missing the boat. He's awesome!)...anyway, here's the excerpt:

"In the traditional model, you can only play one program at a time. One radio show or one movie or one show...Scarcity of spectrum has changed just about every element of our culture...BUT! And it's a big but...In a world where everything is a click away, and in a world where everyone can have their own YouTube channel, ten blogs and a thousand email accounts...the only thing that's scarce is attention.

Shelf space is worthless now. Why worry about making a particular hour of radio all encompassing and wildly popular when you are welcome to broadcast a hundred hours--and people can listen whenever they like...The idea that someone can program our consumption is becoming obsolete, and fast. The front page of the paper disappears in a digital world, where there is no front page--merely the page I got to by clicking on a link from a friend. The tenth minute of a sitcom isn't necessarily the part that comes after the ninth minute, and in fact, I might never even get to minute nine.

Fifty years ago, the remote control freaked out TV executives. Today, the exception is the linear consumer, the rare bird that sits from the beginning to the end. Weird is in, mass is fading. In a world of surfers, all you can do is work to make the best wave you can. The real revolution is that you get to make waves, not just ride them."


Nasty! Truth!

In our current times, the "99%" anywhere and everywhere has the ability to make informed choices, spread information, easily communicate ideas and information, organize like-minded people in support of their ideas, and "make waves". Buckle up!!!

Today, the news media is all over the protesting in Syria. I won't elaborate on it as you can easily inform yourself on it. My point is, the "99%" is communicating their message to one another and forcing change. No longer can the "elite" in Syria control the "99%" with fear, imprisonment, murder, torture and propaganda. They, the "99%", just come back in droves even after military force is used to stop the protesting. Even Syrian military personnel are defecting to join the protests now!

The media is also all over the "Occupy Wall Street, National Day Of Action" today. I'm really not interested in dissecting this but it REALLY validates my point about steppin' over the thin red line. Take this excerpt from Occupywallst.org for an example:


"Occupy Wall Street is leaderless resistance movement with people of many colors, genders and political persuasions. The one thing we all have in common is that We Are The 99% that will no longer tolerate the greed and corruption of the 1%. We are using the revolutionary Arab Spring tactic to achieve our ends and encourage the use of nonviolence to maximize the safety of all participants.

This #ows movement empowers real people to create real change from the bottom up. We want to see a general assembly in every backyard, on every street corner because we don't need Wall Street and we don't need politicians to build a better society.

The only solution is World Revolution"


So reader, if you're making music, writing a book, starting a revolution, a cult or running for office, go ahead and feel good about your chances! If you've got the quality content (i.e. "The Goods") and you're willing to actually work for it, you WILL be able to get your message heard!


Then, you may just persuade enough people to cross the thin red line and...



~ZFJ

Monday, November 14, 2011

Letzte Nacht, Im Vergangenen Monat, Im Vergangenen Jahr

So, gestern Abend besuchte ich eine Show.

Haha friendly reader! That is indeed the German language, as you suspected! And, it is yet another ploy to make people click a ZFJ Blog link! See?? At the very least it made you curious? Maybe you realized that ZFJ knows German, among many other things?? Maybe you realized that ZFJ knows how to use Google searches with the best of em'??


So, last night I went to a Show. Actually, it was Friday night, and it was a hell of a time.

Also, letzten Monat gab es einige Treffen. Or, "Also, last month there were some meetings."


Last month there were some meetings involving concerned citizens about the health of the Western MA local music Scene". The fact that the subject comes up so often --and with so much vigor when it does come up-- tells me that many people in the area do in fact want more quality music, more exciting events to enjoy the music and, most importantly, to be part of something exciting. A loosely knit networking group called "A Scene United" was formed and two(?) meetings have been held so far about how to bring it "back". Shit, looking back there's been a lot of talk about "The Scene" overall in the last year or more. Craigslist (Western Mass) had a two/three week posting string with people from all angles chipping in their gripes, concerns, potential remedies and other opinions about all things "scene"...I've enjoyed a video rant or two on Facebook about the "scene" and I've been part of what seems like countless conversations --from varying perspectives-- about it.....Why, even this very blog had a post about it in the recent past! (see below)


(*Shameless plug for my own blog: In February Blog Archive, "Scene Queens and the 25 Minute Divide." Have a read, if you haven't already.)

(*A respectable plug for a fellow bloggers recent post: demetrioskanavaros.blogspot.com, "A Scene Diluted".)

Beachten Sie, wie ich bin nicht die Bereitstellung von Links?
(You guessed it! That's German for "Notice how I'm not providing links?")



I'll admit, my thoughts about the "scene" --and music in general-- have really evolved over the last year for a variety of reasons. Musically speaking, during the last year, Rob, myself and Rich have been laying low and just writing and recording our new album. We cut away most live shows, promotions and stress of promoting so we could focus on only the music of the album. It feels great....feels real. Without having to cater to the necessities of putting on a live event, it is easy to just "live" with the music you're writing and easier to identify what you have to bring out of yourself to pour into the music. We got detached from the concerns of the "Scene" along the way. But somewhere along the process of just being open, writing and allowing the music evolve the way it naturally does, I unfortunately began to arrive at the realization that I'm eventually going to have to help promote the record when it comes out. The time to "work" is coming.....but we're not quite there yet. Still, between our own music being created and the impending promotion efforts we intend to employ, hearing/reading peoples concerns over "The Scene", myself currently working with an awesome music venue for promotions and getting to know more area bands as a result, my mind was cast into an interesting thought vortex about the topic. Like, what exactly is a "Scene"?


But first, the meetings. The meetings, called "A Scene United", prompted Demetrios' aforementioned post and also caused me to think on things. They were something I thought very little of when I first heard of them although I appreciated the action being taken and the good intentions. Despite the good intentions, they seemed to project a perspective of bringing something "back" --like someone had died or moved far away?? --which I think is the wrong perspective. I didn't see what this type of meeting/group could do to build a music scene but Rich really wanted to check out the meeting to see what was going on, and I got curious to see what was going on as well. Rich, Rob and myself attended the meeting in order to get "informed" and chip in our two cents, if applicable. The meeting was hectic but simple and with good overall intentions. There were some bands represented, a couple venues represented and a recording studio. Various ideas were thrown out wildly on the topic of how to get more people out to original music shows. My contributions at the meeting were simple:

1) Bands should write "better" music --meaning, tune into what their heart is really telling them, go crazy or whatever else. Just get delusional and go "off the deep end" to create and bring forth the "quality" art inside of them. They should form a "Vision" for their music and think bigger than a particular local area. I don't care how much hype and promotion they may have going for them. If a bands music is redundant, overly "been-done", badly performed/recorded and uninspired, people just won't leave the house for it.

*(Explanation of my opinion: No, I am not judging people's music to be of quality or lacking quality. As if I have the right to based on my own opinions, preferences and perspectives??? I am simply relaying what I personally feel about most "original" area bands music and sentiments shared with me by many people who are very relevant to local music in my geographical area. Bands tend to focus on playing in the local area, putting "asses in the seats" and promoting themselves to an extent. The creation of art seems to take back seat to this over time for most area bands and as a result, many people feel that the majority of the local music available right now does not make them want to leave the house. I know, I know...dangerous ground getting into the subject of "quality" with regards to music.)*

But If there is "great" music available in a particular local area (insert your own definition of "great" music, please), and bands are excited to share it, then the particular local area may experience a thriving "Scene" while these bands exist and work. I think that the "particular local area" factor is only of limited importance to the driven, passionate and excited artist who is busy creating "quality" music as their first priority. I also think that this factor is very important to local venues and other local thinking entities, which is very understandable. Or, "Verständlich" if you prefer to read the word "understandable" in the German language.

Aaaand onto my second point I shared at the meeting:

2) After those bands in a particular local area have written open, honest, compelling and "quality" music that they love madly and are just burning to share it with the world, they will still have to bust their asses to promote it. Yep. Meaning, Arbeit ihre Ärsche aus.
Or, "work their asses off", in English. But sadly and truly despite the best intentions, most bands just don't do the work.


(Explanation of opinion #2: This applies only to bands who have music they are hoping to expose to people. So, music is written and loved, excitement for this accomplishment is brimming, shows are booked to perform/expose said music....people are talking.....now there is actual work needing to be done to promote the music and the forthcoming show(s). Most bands could do this well but don't just do much about it. Unfortunately not many things can replace hard work when you want results --in anything you're doing. It can be uncomfortable to reach out and spread the word but when you're really excited, it gets easier. So get excited.

All that said, nothing can help an original local music "scene" like really good music from excited, hard-working people in bands.


So, Move forward.
("Vorwärts", in German.)

On Monday at The Elevens, I attended a show featuring Giraffes? Giraffes! ("Giraffen? Giraffen!"), Home Body ("Startseite Körper") and Sylphid ("Sylphide"...I'm pretty surprised that there is a German translation for "Sylphid"!). Lot's of people attended. Lot's of people had fun. The bands went well together, performed thoughtful, well-played sets of music and obviously did some work to promote the show. While each band shared commonalities in that they only have two members, and also rely on heavy doses of electronics and effects to properly perpetuate their deeply textured music, these bands did not come off as redundant from set to set. Rather they demonstrated their unique musical styles with performances that enhanced those unique styles. I enjoyed quality music this night. I got rather drunk. I got a good memory. I was part of a flourishing "scene" on this night.

Also, as I mentioned waaaaaaaay earlier, on Friday I attended another great show, also at The Elevens. The show featured Saint Accident (my guitar player, Rob, is a member of this ensemble), Easthampton Savings Band, Burial At Sea, Sometimes and Jameson Lavo (of Trials and Tribulations). The bands on the show "made sense" together, they all played convincing, moody and engaging sets of music in their differing styles, and you could tell they put work into promoting the show as the club was full from start to finish. It seemed that the show had a feeling of excitement leading up to it and that people were generally buzzing about "music" things on this night. I enjoyed fresh and compelling music. I had many positive conversations. I got really drunk. I once again found myself enjoying being part of the "Scene".

Weird??? The missing "Scene" was present, alive and kicking, captured in small doses on the past Monday and Friday nights!! It seems that a vibrant music "scene" is simply a shared mindset, caused by quality music, excitement and actions taken to share it.

I was also glad to be part of a music scene a few years ago that included bands such as: Swillmerchants (my band/shameless plug), The Room (Demetrios' former band), Under Falling Skies, American Business Machines, Yucky Octopus, GBNE, Hot Black, Danny Pease and the Regulators and many others. A few of these bands are still releasing new music and performing etc... but I mention these bands in particular because we had a blast together. And we made great memories together. We wrote and performed music we were excited about and worked creatively and diligently to put on great live events. We were excited about what we were doing, promoted it, worked together and as a result, many people enjoyed the live events, parties, relationships, conversations, friendly-competitiveness and pleasant memories gained --however "foggy" at times.

A music "scene" always exists but our perceptions of it will always be relative to what we want out of it and what we contribute to it....seems likes a consistent theme is developing here?

In conclusion, finally. I can't really explain why I kept on with the German translations. It started as a ploy to get you to click...really. I can however explain that pointing fingers, blaming, networking groups, negativity, frustration, poor quality music and non-existent promotional efforts will not make a "good" local music "Scene". Not even the writings of world-famous bloggers Demetrios Kanavaros and Zero Fun John could perpetuate this. Quality music, hard work and excited people will make a vibrant local music "scene" and help to satisfy our desires to be part of more favorable memories.



Thankfully, I do feel some positive rumblings on this front as of late...


Und einen Teil der günstigeren Erinnerungen.

"And to be part of more favorable memories."


That's the whole point.



~ZFJ

Thursday, November 10, 2011

"These are not the Droids you are looking for"

Hi there, you cutting-edge-brilliant-person-who-decided-to-click-the-link-to-get-to-the-vital-and-possibly-life-changing-information in this here blog post! I hope you are well.

So, just to let you know, I love TV marketing, corporate "tag lines" and/or little slogans and advertising in general. I love to see who their "targets" are depending on what I'm viewing and what time I'm viewing it, and I love the absolute bullshit that most companies spew out to try and get our money. While watching Spongebob Squarepants with my sidekick (my son) a few days ago, a commercial aired for some new toy cars that light up, flip around and who knows what else. My sidekick (son) excitedly points and proclaims, "My want those!". My friend who was here chillin' with us quips, "Imagine that. Very clever how they put a commercial for a kids toy in the middle of programming that kids --and their parents-- may just be watching..." (sarcasm, in case you didn't pick up on that). That's just one fun example of TV marketing right there...well, fun for me anyway.

Ok, ok... I'll start getting to my long-winded point here. I own and operate an iphone. The iphone is one of the best devices I have acquired in my life. It's easy to use, extremely useful for many things --even phone calls. It's streamlined, cool and empowering. The marketing behind the iphone kind of reflects a sort of "I'm-intelligent-casual-streamlined-resourceful-clever-type-of-phone", made for and used by "intelligent-casual-streamlined-resourceful-clever-type-of-person"...at least that's how I feel when I see their commercials. Seems clear and consistent and I feel like I made the right move getting it. Just saying...

Last night after a mighty Swillmerchants rehearsal, I unwound and lightened up a bit with a viewing of "Saving Private Ryan". At commercial break, a marketing piece came on that threw me for a loop at first. It showed an object flying at high speeds through a city, powerfully and easily slicing through street lights, street signs and other objects throughout the metropolitan area. My first thought was, "Oh shit! Yes! It's an advertisement for yet another big budget movie where a seemingly unstoppable-alien-threat-terrorizes-a-city-and/or-the-world-killing-millions-of-humans-as-we-shrivel-away-in-horror-eventually-demonstrating-our-human-ingenuity- resilience-and-resolve-by-finding-a-way-to-end-the-planet-wide-bloodbath-thus-uniting-the-planet-complete-with-images-and-foreshadowing-of-the-entire-human-race-living-in-harmony-upon- the-realization-that-we-should-work-together-rather-than-battle-each-other-to-make-the-Earth-a great-place-to-live-once-again!!"

Wrong. It was just a commercial for the Droid "Razr" phone. (Note the edgy spelling of "Razr"!)

Anyway, the Droid came out a few years ago (I think) and it was supposed to try and compete for market share with the iphone. Maybe the Droid line of phones is doing this? I don't really give a shit but I do hope you proceed with caution if you intend to purchase a Droid phone. Their marketing seems to suggest that this phone will be able to fly through the air and cut right through metal, bone and concrete. Very cool, if that's what you want your phone to do?? I probed further into the marketing for Droid phones and what I discovered was terrifying to say the least. A particular marketing piece showed a young executive involved in an obviously important board meeting. He spies the Droid phone on the table and decides to pick it up, no doubt thinking that the device can help with his job and/or presentation at the board meeting. Wrong!!! The joke is on him as his hands and arms began to morph into robot arms as he manipulates the device!! Wow, I guess the Droid is capable of turning every day, well-meaning humans into robotic clones??? Okaaay......

Still another marketing piece featured a young man hiding in an alleyway, covertly following a black SUV of interest. The SUV pulls up at a corner convenience store in the city and two important yet tough-looking men urgently exit the vehicle and enter the convenience store. They quickly proceed to the ATM machine and key in a secret code, which opens a secret staircase. The young man is right behind them, unseen, wide-eyed and moving fast to discover what they are doing here. He manages to make it down the secret staircase without detection and continues to trail the two men from a short distance behind. The tough-looking men continue moving through the various uber-high-tech security levels and eventually they make their way into the awaiting and futuristic complex. Inside the complex, the young man stares in awe at massive robots and various machines putting hi-tech stuff into other stuff, huge computer screens showing what resembles a nuclear combustion in progress, and many "top secret" looking people are gathered around coordinating the whole process. He turns around quickly as the steel doors to the entrance of the complex slam shut right behind his back. Undaunted, he regains focus on the overwhelming process unfolding right before his eyes and stares in awestruck horror as a huge, semi-controlled explosion occurs in the center of the complex. The explosion produces: a Droid phone. Fuck. Was I hoping for something "more" from this scenario? Possibly? He seemed happy though.

Shit.

Damn folks. I just want to make a phone call, or text someone, or play Angry Birds (lots of it) and feel like an "intelligent-casual-streamlined-resourceful-clever-type-of-person" while doing it. I don't want to slice through metal, bone and concrete. I don't want to develop robot arms and I surely don't want to take my chances enduring a huge explosion in the company of "top-secret" type people just to get a phone. Wow. Could be just my take on it, but I don't think Droids marketing is really appropriate for consumers other than those who have plans to take over the world, overthrow a government, become a robot or generally strike fear into the hearts of all who oppose them.

Wait....maybe I should get one?

Anyway, to finally conclude todays overly-boring post, I'd like to leave you with an example of what I feel is spot-on, easy-to-consume and to-the-point TV marketing. Not surprisingly it's for "Liftmaster" Garage Door Openers. In their marketing piece they explain how their garage door opening systems are awesome and even have battery backup for use in the event of power outages! Their tag line?

"Liftmaster. Get in your garage every time."

Real fucking simple folks. Your garage door will fucking open. Period. Every time --if you buy Liftmaster, of course.

Now that's effective TV marketing if I've ever seen it!

Until later...I surely hope you have an iphone for your phone-ing needs. But if not, and you own a Droid, I hope you're putting it to "good use". If ya know what I mean (hint hint)...



~ZFJ