...and everything looks good if you know the right way to put it on.

ZZ Top said it best, "The girls go crazy for the sharp dressed man."


As I've mentioned in previous instances, Northampton Massachusetts is a cool fucking place to live, visit and party in. We have forward-thinkers, active culture, beautiful architecture, diversity and generally lot's of cool-looking people. We have a reputation for having an active music scene here too. Why, even Saturday Night Live recently ran a skit about that. The skit wasn't funny or accurate but still, that is Saturday Night Live talking about "us". We've got crosswalk laws that will make your head spin, complete with people who saunter across these crosswalks while you fucking wait to pull into your desired street. We even have people who will simply jump out into the crosswalk with nary a glance at potential oncoming traffic -because they can. We foster a "locally-based-do-the-right-thing-for-the-Earth-and-your-community" atmosphere --which is very commendable. Yes indeed, we have intelligent, cultured, detailed and professional people out here and naturally, a hipster population that will also make your head spin. They wear the "right" clothes. They listen to the "right" music. They watch the "right" films. They're fierce individuals who stick together and also kind-of do the same things, and oftentimes look the same way. They ride the "right" bikes. But this post is not about the wonderful hipster community of Northampton, at least they are generally cultured people. This is about Northampton's high number of what would appear to be, avid bicycle enthusiasts. Well dressed bicycle enthusiasts, mind you. See, it's not the amount of bikes and bikers that impresses me, it's the attention to detail that goes into what outfit to wear while riding the bicycles that impresses me. I mean, say what you want about Northampton but we, hands down, have the most well dressed bike people in the world....right here in this town.


Early Saturday afternoon as I drove to my destination, I was stopped at a light waiting to make a right turn onto Route 9. It was a rather busy intersection complete with pedestrians trying to figure out the crosswalk schedule --they obviously don't live here-- and oncoming traffic from multiple directions. Soon, the coast looked clear so I hit the accelerator to manipulate the turn but almost in the same motion, I was forced to jump on the brakes. I would have run over a fast-moving/cool-looking guy on a bike who shredded past the front of my car if I had continued to accelerate. The rouge riders bike was leaning toward the "vintage" style of ten-speed rather than a newer model, of course. Still, despite the lack of technology built into his bike, due to the technology not being in existence when his bike was manufactured, he had that fucker flying down the street at an impressively high rate of speed. But, my dear reader, this is not about his bike. Check his outfit out: Cool looking beard, sunglasses, cool looking hair --despite the wind resistance, cigarette in mouth. One more time, cigarette in mouth. That's right....anyway, I also noted the brown, fashionable, boots, grey pants, black shirt and one of those "cool" looking backpacks that actually had black/brown trim, matching the overall outfit. Wow. He probably was just going down the street to get a new pack of cigarettes but he sure looked cool doing it. I was more jealous by how cool he looked with that cigarette in his mouth while shredding around on his bike, than I was startled by almost hitting him with my stupid car. I mean, we do get that a lot out here, the cool/aloof-looking-hipster-bike-rider opting for a vintage-style 10 speed bike and possibly wearing clothing (for men) that will resemble something James Dean would have worn. And/or (for women) something "80's" looking on either a vintage style bike or an absolutely clever/quirky-style bike. ***Disclaimer: These fashion styles will change in approximately 6 months. Or may have already? Who knows? I'm not too hip***.....Anyway, looking cool, slashing around on a vintage bike and now, smoking cigarettes -which really makes a person look cool. All while riding a bike??? That's right....Not a care in the world.

We also feature the more "settled", professional and ultra-serious bikers out here. They're not hipsters but are forward-thinkers, career-oriented, possibly innovators(?), perhaps a bit judgemental(?), outwardly organized and detail-oriented. These people may work in high-tech, cultural and/or think-tank style jobs. They wear the tight spandex-ish biking outfits with company sponsors all over the taut material, even though they're most likely not sponsored riders. Their bikes are in the $5,000-$15,000 range and feature Carbon Fiber, lasers and computerized shifters. These people pride themselves on doing everything right. Everything. No detail, or expensive accessory is left out of their biking pusuits. Their bikes make me realize how little I know about bikes, spandex and having excessive money available to buy that kind of bike. They employ every biking etiquette and road signal while touring 3-6 blocks from their driveway to their "green", poshly-decorated Main Street office -where work life balance is highly enforced, of course.

We even have a trash and recycling service out here called "Pedal People", which I am not dissing at all. Total kudos out to them to be able to do that kind of work, hauling bins of stuff around town to it's appropriate places, on their bikes. My point is, if you're going to come to Northampton thinking you're going to impress us with your hip outfit as you ride through town on your vintage bike, you're not. Or if you think we'll be intimidated by your spandex outfit with feigned sponsors on it and your super-high-end bike, we won't. We're all very used to this by now.


And it's cool....That's it.



~ZFJ