Saturday, July 9, 2011

Bruce Lee

Last night...

I was chillin, had some brief banter with Matt in the kitchen and I had just grabbed a bag of Red-Hot tortilla chips to feed on during the banter. Sudddenly, Matt alerted me to the presence of a malevolent marauding mosquito who was lying in wait for blood on the bathroom door.

Without any hesitation or pre-meditated attack plans, I move in the direction of the blood-sucking would-be villan, still with the bag of Red-Hot Tortilla chips in my left hand.

The over-confident vile insect immediately flew towards me in what it thought would surely be the easiest target of its parasitic evening considering my left hand was "occupied". Without any thought or what seemed like pre-meditated attack plans, it saw me and flew right at me to attack. And I could tell it had no visions of anything other than success....and blood.

The two impromptu combatants moved dutifully towards each other with calm urgency. They would confront each other on this relaxing evening and unbeknownst to them, were destined to be immortalized in the chronicles of combat history in what would come to be known as a "clash of titans". Both competent and completely self-assured of achieving their lustful objectives, there could only be one victor.

My enemy flew into range. I release the bag of Red-Hot Tortilla chips from the clutches of my left hand --effectively activating the other half of what has come to be known by mosquitoes as "The Death Clap" weapon, but better known to humans as "my two hands"-- and in one fluid and efficient motion as the bag falls to the floor, I lock my sights onto the over-confident flying fool, swing both halves of "The Death Clap" weapon, and with precise and deadly accuracy, I connect on the target with a righteous and decisive --"SLAP!!"

....the bag hit the floor at the exact point when the "SLAP!!" resonated around the battleground (my kitchen), much like the shot heard round the world. It was all over in less than one second. Crushed in my left hand, I verify the end of this loathesome and fool-hardy mosquito. I calmly wash my hands of it, retrieve the bag of Red-Hot Tortilla chips and move on with my relaxing evening.


To that mosquito, I was Bruce Lee.


~ZFJ

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