Your driving sucks, death cloud, BBQ time

Hey there hot reader! ZFJ is back in action with a post that will ramble, bore, inform, enlighten and help you waste a few minutes at work until you're free. If you're not working today then, well, fuck you. Then again, it IS like 150 degrees out there so I'm not missing much.

Anyway.

So I stopped at the Mall a minute ago to get some gear/supplies for tomorrow's BBQ (the Chris Nelson Gala BBQ Bash) and I get stuck driving behind some asshole who: was going slow, then fast, then slow...who also doesn't use a turn signal at any point to let anyone know he was intending to turn. The guy was also throwing trash out of his window sporadically, adding to my displeasure of him and his car being temporarily in my life. Nice. The littering did answer why he was going slow off and on though. Apparently he was busy opening shit in the car (slowing down)--most likely junk food-- then he would throw out a wrapper or two, (he would then speed up after unwrapping the tasty morsel he was working on), then he slowed down again (most likely opening the next slice of junk food). Then, more littering. Sped up. Slowed down. No signal to turn. Altered my life for a few minutes. Wanted to kill. Douche bag.

I've often said that the way people drive is a reflection of the way they live. No further comments.

Now, on to some exciting news! As advertised, I am taking fairly extensive measures to ensure that my guests for the Chris Nelson Gala BBQ Bash are not going to be overly harassed by awful, malicious mosquitoes all day and night while partying. I've got some sweet sunblock/anti-bug repellant (no DEET in it), some Non-DEET bug wipes, citronella candles and tiki torches. That's a recipe for a strong mosquito defense shield in my opinion. Still, I felt a void. Something was missing in my elaborate web of mosquito defense. I realized that I needed to find a way to bring the war closer to where these creatures live and to strike a decisive blow against them on their home turf. All the defense in the world is great, but the abhorrent little devils would still get to fly around on the attack, harassing people while they are trying to party.

That void was filled when I stumbled upon "Cutter. Backyard Bug Control" at Target. "Cutter. backyard Bug Control" is a spray can fogger that "Treats up to 1,200 cu feet. For use in backyards, patios, Decks & Picnic Areas. Kills annoying Mosquitoes, Gnats, Flies, Wasps, Flying Moths & Ants."

I was joyful, to say the least, with the discovery of my new weapon and I felt complete. Now I, "The Angel of Death", will descend upon the homelands of these vile creatures, fogger can in hand, and will release a death cloud upon them the likes of which they cannot possibly anticipate or prepare for!

bwaaaaaaahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Rest easy party-goers.

Now, if I could just find a way to get the temperature below 80 (it's going to be around 100 degrees tomorrow, fuck that.)



I know, I know...I write about my battles with mosquitoes a lot. It' just that I despise them, and also have no life. What do you want from me???

I know, I know...this blog sucked, bad. But it's better than being outside doing hard labor in this opressive heat. Right? See everything is in fact, relative.


~ZFJ