Hello readers. It is a grand day in the life of good ole ZFJ! Mostly because of my realization that there is another human being in the world with a positive mental attitude similar to my own...this feels simply wonderful! I've often felt stranded and isolated thinking that no one person is even close to my capacity for being "nasty". Just knowing that there are people out there who are not only bad-ass, but can also help our society as a whole to not be so lame through their awesome-ness, is warming to me in such a cold, unforgiving winter. So, to help you through your hum-drum, boring day I have listed some quotes for you to, hopefully, improve your mental attitude. They are from my future friend and mentor(hopefully), Mr. Charlie Sheen.
"I am on a drug. It's called 'Charlie Sheen!' It's not available because if you try it once you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body. Too much?"
"You're dealing with a vatican assassin. Sorry. I'm a high priest vatican assassin warlock."
"I don't know. All these words just sound cool together. They come from my grand wizard master."
"Ambien, hello, Ambien. The devil's aspirin. Anyone? Ambien? Sometimes sleep is for infants. I don't sleep. I wait. When I can't sleep I don't fight it. I just figure that there's a higher calling."
"I'm comin' for you, Warner Bros. Just let me catch my breath first. I am a peaceful man with bad intentions."
"It's perfect. It's awesome. Every day is just filled with just wins. All we do is put wins in the record books. We win so radically in our underwear before our first cup of coffee, it's scary. People say it's lonely at the top, but I sure like the view."
"I'm bi-winning."
"The only thing I’m addicted to right now is winning.”
"C’mon bro, I won best picture at 20. I wasn’t even trying. I wasn’t even warm."
"Winning."
"Tons. They're going to put it on the scale and be like, a little more, a little more. Add some gold, all your toupees. Bingo! I'm here to collect, and they're going to lose."
"You borrow my brain for five seconds and just be like dude, can't handle it, unplug this bastard. It fires in a way that is, I don't know, maybe not from this terrestrial realm. When you've got tiger blood and Adonis DNA, it's like, get with the program dude."
"Winning."
“What’s not to love? Especially when you see how I party, it was epic. The run I was on made Sinatra, Flynn, Jagger, Richards and all of them look like droopy-eyed armless children.”
"I have a 10,000-year-old brain and the boogers of a 7-year-old. That's how I describe myself."
"Winning."
“I’m tired of pretending I’m not a total bitchin’ rock star from Mars.”
In conclusion, I hope you people can learn how to win and have a positive mental attitude from this -or, at least start to think properly and start winning. Furthermore, I hope you can learn to be nasty in life by internalizing these powerful "life lessons". Please keep these sensible quotes handy so next time you feel normal and boring, you just read them again and be enlightened and excited for what you have to strive for. I know I will.
~ZFJ
7 comments:
I told him to say all those things....
I kept on wondering that if CS was making $2 million an episode, then his producers and manager must've been rolling in it.
When i read this quote in yesterdays paper: "I am on a drug. It's called 'Charlie Sheen!' It's not available because if you try it once you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body. Too much?"
I said out loud' 'good for you, you are a bad ass.'
He seems to be navigating in a truly awesome realm and won't play along with anyone's bullshit. Amen to that.
He's on top of his situation and everyone around him wanted him to be a weak 'addict.'
So why not rub shit in everyone else's nose for once. eh?
Not being much for celebrity hype, I am going to give CS 'big ups' and a giant pillow to rest his nuts on.
Jer,
I agree -in an "off color" way. Too many people think they're bad-ass and wish they could just blurt out how confident in their abilities they are. They don't. They just play the game. Charlie is done with that shit! Personally, I think I am "High Priest Vatican Asassin Warlock" too but just have not been able to put it into sensible words before now.
~ZFJ
Chris,
I WILL call you "nasty" because that is a word I use for high praise/something awesome/general proficiency! -Just to clarify my use of the word. And, I agree with you. Fuck people out there "towing the line" and doing things just to be accepted or avoid scrutiny...shit, it'd be nice if more people just got "real". Even if the words come out a bit "crazy"...
~ZFJ
hello john,
after boring me to tears for the past 4 episodes, I think you should seek your inner self and write a full blog about your heros and employers...current tag team champions of the world, hollywood gman and rich brewski.
Hollywood,
I've been busy winning. Sorry. I'll do my best to cater to your needs and ego in the future.
BTW, you and Brewski keep telling me that my check is in the mail for the pay-per-view four years ago...when is it going to arrive?
~ZFJ
Checks in the mail. you win
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