About a kid who lived until the end

This past Saturday I got the news of the passing of a childhood friend. Actually, Bryan was the first friend I was conscious of in life. You know, the one you knew was an actual partner-in-crime. The one you knew you had common ground with when you were young and just learning everything, and the world was a big scary wide open place that you attacked together? That friend. Readers, we go back to pre-kindergarten days and his birthday was literally one day before mine –which we got a kick out of -and we had nicknames of Bryan “Apple” (Adams was his last name) and John St. “Orange” respectively –which we also got a kick out of. He was a “crazy” even back then –in a good way. We would ride our BMX bikes in “The Horse Trails” which were an extensive network of woods that were located behind our neighborhood –and he was fearless. I was not. The kid would fly off hills and jumps like crazy and so would I, just not as high and not with as much reckless abandon. I never rode his self-built half pipe with my bike but did so with my skateboard earning plenty of bumps and bruises in the process. He was a kid that just went for it and I learned a lot from him! He was a fellow musician, a fellow Gemini, a fellow guy who valued his friends and family in the highest regard and, a fellow “mad one”. We drifted apart in the physical-proximity sense but stayed friends for many years and managed to stay in touch even though he moved to Miami to pursue his life goals. Whenever we’d end up in the same place it was always “like yesterday” and we always shared honest, optimistic conversation based from many years of friendship and the sense of mutual origins we both had.

Bryan lived life as it should be; he was really alive. He wanted no obituary. He wanted nobody to be in sorrow for him. He was vibrant to the end. Why, even the Tribute handout that was available at his service simply had his picture with the text: “Bryan Keith Adams, June 14th – March 18th 2011”. He felt there was no birth year needed as age was never his concern, really living was his concern. A mutual friend at his service shared a story with me of his last day. Bryan, who was down to 74 pounds and could not really speak or even raise his arms, softly requested something which another mutual friend had to get very close to even hear. The request was “Corona with lime”. This was quickly provided and he was able to toast one last time with friends and family and was even able to lift his arm with dogged determination to consume a portion of the sweet beverage. His last words were a request for a “Cuban” (cigar). He then closed his eyes to this existence forever. He stayed “alive” until the very end.

Bryan’s passing struck a different chord within me. I thought back to when we met and how we hung together for so long and could not quench our thirst for life. I remember the youthful feelings of our endless search for kicks, optimism, fear, trust, growing and learning things for the first time. It’s weird having all these thoughts that go back to a time when things felt unlimited and the world was a massive, uncharted place for us to explore.

On Sunday as my young son and I played in the backyard, I watched as he ran full speed towards me, excited about all his new discoveries and having to “report” them to me. Unintentionally, my heart went back to those beautiful, innocent and naïve days when anything was possible. I thought of myself and Bryan as young children and all the things we were doing and were going to do. This sent me into a depression that was the likes of something I had not previously experienced. Thinking of a young man who just went out and lived, who just went and did it and who never stopped going for what he wanted, but then thinking, if I knew then what I know now; that he would only go this far. Oh the thoughts of life’s realities, they can be harsh at times. But A child does not have these thoughts because they are too busy believing –as my young son was that Sunday. They haven’t learned yet that they “can’t”. Kids are just too busy doing everything and going forward into the endless possibilities to be weighed down with these realities and, too busy in living life as it unfolds in front of them. My friend Bryan was able to live that way the whole time. R.I.P Bryan “Apple”.

We should all be too busy with that –living life. There is no time to “grow up”. There is no reason to abandon your dreams. There is no reason to settle for. There is no time to wait to become who you want to be in life. There is no point when you can stop fighting to earn the life you want. There is no point to abandon childlike optimism. This, now, is the point when we should learn everything and go forward into the endless possibilities. Now is the point to believe that we’re just at the beginning.

~ZFJ