The Devils Claw

Hello readers.

Hunter S. Thompson was once quoted as saying, "I have a theory that the truth is never told between 9-5 business hours."

I think what he's getting at here is the generally un-natural premise of getting up in the morning, dressing in a certain pre-determined manner, engaging in an often-times violent and competitive commute and eventually arriving at your detination of: Work. When at work, let the rat race begin.

Work:
"Noun
1. exertion or effort directed to produce or accomplish something; labor; toil.
2. something on which exertion or labor is expended; a task or undertaking: The students finished their work in class.
3. productive or operative activity"

Work:
"Verb (used without object)
16. to do work; labor.
17. to be employed, especially as a means of earning one's livelihood: He hasn't worked for six weeks.
18. to be in operation, as a machine."

So, we work. We plug right in and we work. We want to make money to pay for things we enjoy/need and hopefully we have money left over to actually enjoy our lives and make OUR decisions. It's a fact of life for the majority of Americans that we will work for someone who is calling the shots and we will be subject to their decisions and parameters for how we will conduct ourselves during the 9-5 hours. When they "own" our time, we will do what it takes to succeed and even "get ahead" in this environment to hopefully ensure more money and maybe even decision making powers down the line.

However, my point is not that people work. It is about some of the tactics employed by CEO's and other decision makers use to help ensure productive and attentive employees. I'm not talking about job perks such as a healthy work/life balance, bonus time off or money for jobs well done or flexible arrival schedules. No dear readers, I am referring to tactics employed at the most basic level. Tactics that not only save the company money but also remind us who the fuck is making decisions around here!

I'm talking about "The Devil's Claw".

What is Devil's Claw you ask? Well, you've heard of Angel Soft toilet paper perhaps? Angel Soft is a "bath tissue" we get to enjoy when we are making the decisions! When we are in control and looking out for our own best interests! We choose Angel Soft, among other beneficial decisions, because it is wonderfully soft and, DOESN'T BREAK INTO LITTLE FUCKING PIECES THAT GET LODGED IN OUR FUCKING ASS CRACKS!!! Here's an example of where CEO's apply the expression "The devil is in the details". See folks, there is a "brand" of general/bulk products designated for use by employees while at work. This brand is "cost effective". This brand is "good enough" for us commoners who are not in the drivers seat between 9-5. While this brand encompasses many types of products it seems to feature a particular type of "bath tissue" for the general worker.

This "bath tissue" is the CEO's best friend. It usually has two-ply paper which contributes to it's ease in breaking apart, it is flimsy at best, and may even have hints of wonderful wood grains in it. Inevitably, during a work day, a worker will have to take a break or three, in order to relieve themself via the toilet. CEO's have been briefed by their middle and upper management teams that this type of activity detracts from one's productivity. As a result, CEO's and other 9-5 decision makers have made provisions that will guarantee "attentive" employees upon returning from these little breaks.

So, you take a break and you return. You're relieved in one sense and tormented in another. You can't sit still, are agitated and have no choice but to "get mad"! You are attentive by force and productive by choice from that point. While this kind of tactic really "chaps my ass", I realize that the writing is already on the wall for me and my bathroom breaks and that writing ominously reads:

"The Devils Claw"

And on that note...

~ZFJ