Hi there.
It’s been a bit o’ time since I’ve written for you as I have been consumed with product development and other pressing matters. For my talented and intelligent readers, I just had to take some time and share important information I’ve learned that will surely enhance your summer time experience. This post can be considered “life-changing” and informative, in many ways. Here you go and, you’re welcome!
The Equalizer. Many of you lucky and fortunate readers have been briefed on this already via my recent Facebook post but I must share it with you in detail because 1) I’m going to get rich off this idea and 2) you may just need to use it sometime. The Equalizer is a method and forthcoming product that is designed to destroy horrible Fruit Flies. These lil’ bastards are just plain tough and diligent and have brought many a good soul to the point of exasperation and even suicide through their refined annoyance tactics and general awful-ness. Here’s how to level the playing field:
Take a decent sized bowl and fill it with maple syrup. Put a banana peel in there to for compelling “scent” reasons. Cover the bowl with clingy Saran Wrap type stuff and make sure that it is secured tightly. Now, you’ll want to poke small, pen tip size holes in the plastic wrap…maybe 10-15 of them, not too close together and then place The Equalizer in a smart area.
Here’s the magic: The lil’ bastards are only guided by their sense of smell and in their lust for fruit, they fly into the holes to get at the luscious banana peel inside! Once inside, the little fools cannot smell their way out due to the scent of the banana, the plastic wrap cover and the now very limited “outside” scents (also due to the plastic wrap cover)!!!…bwaaa hahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaa!!! You can sit back and watch the feeding/death frenzy as the threat of extreme annoyance is methodically eradicated from your living areas!!! I will share the patent for this forthcoming product with Matt Silberstein as he helped in its development. Be on the lookout for the infomercial in the near future. Cha-ching!!
The Sniper. Readers, I am giddy with excitement to tell you about my latest invention! As we know, mosquitoes are a vile, consistent problem in the summer and are among the worst things on this earth in general. I haven’t met a person or animal who likes to get harassed, bit and itchy from their need to suck our blood. We all just want to live our lives in the nice weather and grill, hike, party, sit, relax, converse etc…but they will come for us.
And they come in droves.
While avoiding them on “their turf” (i.e. Outdoors) is virtually impossible, I have developed a method for control in “our turf” (i.e. Indoors). First, take a washcloth which will have relative good weight to it when damp. Roll it up into a ball. Go out and locate mosquitoes and other nuisance flying insects that may be lying in wait for you on your ceiling or walls. Aim. Throw the balled-up damp washcloth at them with a straight-line snap motion. Problem solved!
I battled mosquitoes, a couple of flies and other stupid insects last night because I left my back door open for a few minutes looking for my dog in the back yard. Needless to say, by the time I had finished, the house was mosquito/flying insect free. I will be getting filthy rich from this idea and I’ll need some product development experts to help design the ideal cloth to be sold via TV infomercial! Lessons on the proper throwing motion will begin soon! Contact me asap to schedule. Lesson cost will be $20.00 per hour.
In other exciting news, my band and a few other bands are throwing a party this Friday night @ Maximum Capacity in Chicopee, MA! Called The School Dance Music Showcase and packed full of awesome-ness, you really should know about it. Here’s the link for more info:
http://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/event.php?eid=103151253111858
Happy Summer!
~ZFJ
Showing posts with label maximum capacity. Show all posts
Showing posts with label maximum capacity. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Friday, June 10, 2011
The Ironic Journey
So, about a year ago Rich and I hit a friend's tag sale while busy wasting some time on a Saturday. We came upon many cool items there such as a black wig (which I own), a sheepskin-ish looking western vest, plenty of cheap sunglasses and more. However, none of these prizes were more special than the pack of meat stickers I found. Yes reader, stickers that are pictures of meat. We saw the ironic value of these instantly and immediately launched into detailed and elaborate plans for deploying these stickers in order to get some additional kicks.
So naturally the plan we decided on involved placing these meat stickers on various belongings of Matt Silbersteins, a friend, a musician, a legendary vegetarian and now, a power-vegan. We envisioned how he would freak out and be surprised when he came across one of them and how he would marvel at our clever-ness. Keeping the super-ironic fact that the stickers were PICTURES OF MEAT fresh in our minds, we set off to make it happen. I positioned four of these stickers back then and only two have been discovered. The first discovery was the one I put on his guitar case which was a picture of a de-feathered chicken ready to be cooked. He found it but didn't seem to enjoy the irony as much as we did. The second placement however, was special. This meat sticker --which is a picture of a nice ham steak to the best of my knowledge-- has taken on a beautiful life of it's own in our little, ironic world.
The ham steak meat sticker was placed on a liquor bottle of DiSaronno that for some reason was stationed in his bedroom. It was discovered almost a year later. Here's how it re-entered my life: I woke one morning, groggy as hell --like usual-- and I stumbled into the kitchen to make coffee. I glanced at the clock to see the time (why else would I look at the clock?) but I couldn't quite make out the hands of the clock. I momentarily accepted that this was caused by my grogginess. Undaunted, I glanced again. I still could not make out the time so I focus a bit more on the clock, now squinting and rubbing my eyes for clarity. Still I could not see the time. Annoyed, I approach the clock to find the answer to this. Well readers, I couldn't see the time because someone had PLACED THE MEAT STICKER ON THE CLOCK!!!
WOW!
I was excited to realize that Matt had finally been confronted by the sticker on the Disaronno bottle and that the meat sticker was back in my life after such a long hiatus. Obviously I had to re-position the sticker from here. I removed it from the clock and cleverly placed it on the back of Matts "Key-Tar" (for those who don't know, a Key-tar is a keyboard you hold and play like a guitar...a rather ironic instrument itself these days). I return home later and see the Key-tar is moved and my mind starts racing...I examine the back of it but THE MEAT STICKER IS GONE!!!! Where could it be? Was all of this just an extremely pleasant dream??? Did Matt find the new location already??? The moves this little sticker was making were astonishing to me!
I approach Matt with all the applicable realizations and confessions surrounding the exploits of the meat sticker. I explained how we had this whole thing planned from last year and that I was amazed at how he flipped the script on me by placing the sticker on the clock, causing me mometary and additional grief in the wee and despicable hours of the morning. I told him that I re-flipped things when I placed it on his Key-tar but during the course of the conversation I realized, something was missing. That something was THE MEAT STICKER itself!!
I vigorously interrogate Matt as to it's new whereabouts because I can tell that he knows something. He put me through a series of guesses, quizzes and even a game of "you're getting hotter/colder" until I finally discovered that Matt had pulled an unprecidented move and placed the meat sticker on Bobby D's guitar!!! The joy that washed over me hearing this news was intense! This sticker was already enhancing three people's lives and now it gets the chance to help another??? Awesome!
Well, Bobby gets to rehearsal a few days later --not in the best of moods I might add-- and he removes his guitar from it's case. He doesn't notice me taking video of this whole process or Rich and I biting our tongues in order to not break out in premature laughter. He discovers the meat sticker and seems to appreciate it despite his bad mood. Bobby, Rich, Anthony, the meat sticker and I all shared a good chuckle from there and Bobby's mood even got a little better. We then proceeded to shred our music in rehearsal and all of us were a bit happier with the meat sticker involved. Thank you meat sticker!
The meat sticker has even traveled to Brooklyn for our recent show at The Trash Bar. It made an appearance and turned some heads due to it's ironic nature. It contributed to a good set of music and good times, mingled with new friends and basically rocked the whole night away. I believe it's next appearance will be at Maximum Capacity for our concert on June 24th -unless it has other committments by that time.
I know you have one question remaining, "Where are the other two meat stickers that you placed last year ZFJ??" Well dear readers, those have yet to be discovered....AAAAAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
~ZFJ
So naturally the plan we decided on involved placing these meat stickers on various belongings of Matt Silbersteins, a friend, a musician, a legendary vegetarian and now, a power-vegan. We envisioned how he would freak out and be surprised when he came across one of them and how he would marvel at our clever-ness. Keeping the super-ironic fact that the stickers were PICTURES OF MEAT fresh in our minds, we set off to make it happen. I positioned four of these stickers back then and only two have been discovered. The first discovery was the one I put on his guitar case which was a picture of a de-feathered chicken ready to be cooked. He found it but didn't seem to enjoy the irony as much as we did. The second placement however, was special. This meat sticker --which is a picture of a nice ham steak to the best of my knowledge-- has taken on a beautiful life of it's own in our little, ironic world.
The ham steak meat sticker was placed on a liquor bottle of DiSaronno that for some reason was stationed in his bedroom. It was discovered almost a year later. Here's how it re-entered my life: I woke one morning, groggy as hell --like usual-- and I stumbled into the kitchen to make coffee. I glanced at the clock to see the time (why else would I look at the clock?) but I couldn't quite make out the hands of the clock. I momentarily accepted that this was caused by my grogginess. Undaunted, I glanced again. I still could not make out the time so I focus a bit more on the clock, now squinting and rubbing my eyes for clarity. Still I could not see the time. Annoyed, I approach the clock to find the answer to this. Well readers, I couldn't see the time because someone had PLACED THE MEAT STICKER ON THE CLOCK!!!
WOW!
I was excited to realize that Matt had finally been confronted by the sticker on the Disaronno bottle and that the meat sticker was back in my life after such a long hiatus. Obviously I had to re-position the sticker from here. I removed it from the clock and cleverly placed it on the back of Matts "Key-Tar" (for those who don't know, a Key-tar is a keyboard you hold and play like a guitar...a rather ironic instrument itself these days). I return home later and see the Key-tar is moved and my mind starts racing...I examine the back of it but THE MEAT STICKER IS GONE!!!! Where could it be? Was all of this just an extremely pleasant dream??? Did Matt find the new location already??? The moves this little sticker was making were astonishing to me!
I approach Matt with all the applicable realizations and confessions surrounding the exploits of the meat sticker. I explained how we had this whole thing planned from last year and that I was amazed at how he flipped the script on me by placing the sticker on the clock, causing me mometary and additional grief in the wee and despicable hours of the morning. I told him that I re-flipped things when I placed it on his Key-tar but during the course of the conversation I realized, something was missing. That something was THE MEAT STICKER itself!!
I vigorously interrogate Matt as to it's new whereabouts because I can tell that he knows something. He put me through a series of guesses, quizzes and even a game of "you're getting hotter/colder" until I finally discovered that Matt had pulled an unprecidented move and placed the meat sticker on Bobby D's guitar!!! The joy that washed over me hearing this news was intense! This sticker was already enhancing three people's lives and now it gets the chance to help another??? Awesome!
Well, Bobby gets to rehearsal a few days later --not in the best of moods I might add-- and he removes his guitar from it's case. He doesn't notice me taking video of this whole process or Rich and I biting our tongues in order to not break out in premature laughter. He discovers the meat sticker and seems to appreciate it despite his bad mood. Bobby, Rich, Anthony, the meat sticker and I all shared a good chuckle from there and Bobby's mood even got a little better. We then proceeded to shred our music in rehearsal and all of us were a bit happier with the meat sticker involved. Thank you meat sticker!
The meat sticker has even traveled to Brooklyn for our recent show at The Trash Bar. It made an appearance and turned some heads due to it's ironic nature. It contributed to a good set of music and good times, mingled with new friends and basically rocked the whole night away. I believe it's next appearance will be at Maximum Capacity for our concert on June 24th -unless it has other committments by that time.
I know you have one question remaining, "Where are the other two meat stickers that you placed last year ZFJ??" Well dear readers, those have yet to be discovered....AAAAAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
~ZFJ
Thursday, February 17, 2011
scene Queens and the 25 minute divide
Soooo...I've heard quite a few comments & rumblings about "scene" recently and let's face it; we don't currently have a strong unity of bands, musicians, fans and artists all working together and supporting each other's causese right now. This includes the "Northampton" scene and the "Springfield" scenes (funny to me because the people who potentially comprise these respective demographic areas only live 25 minutes down the highway from each other but are worlds apart otherwise) ...but, let me digress into a time when there was a common vibe among musicians, bands, fans, etc that an awesome "scene" exisited.
A few years ago, my band realized that we were about to start performing our music live but there wasn't really a scene/market for our music that we knew of. Noho was primarily indie/folk music at the time and Springfield was metal/Nu-metal/Hip Hop/DJ . So, we decided to create something. To do our part, we booked our own shows and asked the hottest bands around (in our opinion)at the time (Under Falling Skies, The Room, America Business Machines, Yucky Octopus etc) and we knew we had to be electric when playing on a bill with these bands because they all really brought it live, had solid followings and were "competitive" enough. We would watch each others sets to check out the live portion and to "size up" the competition, we'd drink together and fans of the different bands came to know and appreciate the different band's styles. Bottom line is that we all did this together and many people got involved in the social awareness that makes up a "scene". We all appreciated the other band's efforts/music/people even if it wasn't totally our thing. We still nurtured a very mutual feeling of unity while doing what WE all do.
These days? Not so much. In Noho we have a wealth of talented musicians -most with no vision for what they're actually doing. I've often felt and stated that "musicians come to Northampton to die", meaning they want to write something and play it for people who will embrace it and reassure tham how "amazing" they are. Extending yourself to the world can be tough...I could be wrong but I can't seem to find bands who have much vision past playing ten times a month @ venues in Noho, EHamp and -if you're really ambitious- Amherst. Very few go even venture out and perform regionally (i.e. CT, NYC, RI, VT, Eastern MA...). So, when you have a band and they play 6 times a month in the same area your fans will eventually not come out to see you. They'll just catch you next week when you're playing at a venue one block away from the last one you just played at. Nothing exclusive there. It's just very comfortable and easy to form a band, book a show (everyone out here is a show "promoter" it seems) and get your friends out for 6 months -if you last that long. Bands come and go. Musicians give up or whatever, they form a "new" band with the usual suspects and...nobody gives a shit because it's usually a reincarnation of something someone just did. Just my take. In Noho, things are stale -save for some isolated shows/events that make everything worthwhile again.
Springfield scene. Shit. I hear of Nu-metal bands putting a few hundred people in Max Cap now and then...cover bands doing decently and random other acts (not Nu-Metal, Metal or Cover) putting on good shows/events. Truthfully, Maximum Capacity seems to be the only venue anyone even mentions in the "Springfield" scene. It's just that people aren't thinking. It's not just about writing a few songs, thinking you're God and then booking shows in your local area every 3-6 weeks. Your fans will get burned out. We need to be aware of what we're giving. Why do people want to spend their money and time to come to our show? What's in it for them? Plan an event rather than just play a set of music. Get bands together that can have a cross-over effect and fans of respective bands may get into the other bands. Bands out there should change their self serving attitudes and actually promote the WHOLE show rather than just their set. Working together is the only way to begin a scene that will: be fun, expose more people to more quality music, get venues, publications and people of influence outside of our immediate area to take notice -thus providing real opportunities for driven/creative musicians who are serious about their careers to "get somewhere"...bands, fans, venues and anyone with an interest of creating this social awareness known as a "scene" just need to drop all the pretense and delusions like yesterday. Maybe stand in the crowd as a band plays that you don't like but do respect? Maybe go to a show that isn't totally your thing? Maybe stop talking shit abut bands that are relatively successful in what they're doing and learn from them? Maybe get so competitive and be clever about it rather than hoard your fan base? Whatever, all I'm saying is that I am hearing a lot and getting the sense that MANY people are ready to enjoy this kind of thing again. Things will need to change before this will happen. Smarten up mother fuckers!!
~ZFJ
A few years ago, my band realized that we were about to start performing our music live but there wasn't really a scene/market for our music that we knew of. Noho was primarily indie/folk music at the time and Springfield was metal/Nu-metal/Hip Hop/DJ . So, we decided to create something. To do our part, we booked our own shows and asked the hottest bands around (in our opinion)at the time (Under Falling Skies, The Room, America Business Machines, Yucky Octopus etc) and we knew we had to be electric when playing on a bill with these bands because they all really brought it live, had solid followings and were "competitive" enough. We would watch each others sets to check out the live portion and to "size up" the competition, we'd drink together and fans of the different bands came to know and appreciate the different band's styles. Bottom line is that we all did this together and many people got involved in the social awareness that makes up a "scene". We all appreciated the other band's efforts/music/people even if it wasn't totally our thing. We still nurtured a very mutual feeling of unity while doing what WE all do.
These days? Not so much. In Noho we have a wealth of talented musicians -most with no vision for what they're actually doing. I've often felt and stated that "musicians come to Northampton to die", meaning they want to write something and play it for people who will embrace it and reassure tham how "amazing" they are. Extending yourself to the world can be tough...I could be wrong but I can't seem to find bands who have much vision past playing ten times a month @ venues in Noho, EHamp and -if you're really ambitious- Amherst. Very few go even venture out and perform regionally (i.e. CT, NYC, RI, VT, Eastern MA...). So, when you have a band and they play 6 times a month in the same area your fans will eventually not come out to see you. They'll just catch you next week when you're playing at a venue one block away from the last one you just played at. Nothing exclusive there. It's just very comfortable and easy to form a band, book a show (everyone out here is a show "promoter" it seems) and get your friends out for 6 months -if you last that long. Bands come and go. Musicians give up or whatever, they form a "new" band with the usual suspects and...nobody gives a shit because it's usually a reincarnation of something someone just did. Just my take. In Noho, things are stale -save for some isolated shows/events that make everything worthwhile again.
Springfield scene. Shit. I hear of Nu-metal bands putting a few hundred people in Max Cap now and then...cover bands doing decently and random other acts (not Nu-Metal, Metal or Cover) putting on good shows/events. Truthfully, Maximum Capacity seems to be the only venue anyone even mentions in the "Springfield" scene. It's just that people aren't thinking. It's not just about writing a few songs, thinking you're God and then booking shows in your local area every 3-6 weeks. Your fans will get burned out. We need to be aware of what we're giving. Why do people want to spend their money and time to come to our show? What's in it for them? Plan an event rather than just play a set of music. Get bands together that can have a cross-over effect and fans of respective bands may get into the other bands. Bands out there should change their self serving attitudes and actually promote the WHOLE show rather than just their set. Working together is the only way to begin a scene that will: be fun, expose more people to more quality music, get venues, publications and people of influence outside of our immediate area to take notice -thus providing real opportunities for driven/creative musicians who are serious about their careers to "get somewhere"...bands, fans, venues and anyone with an interest of creating this social awareness known as a "scene" just need to drop all the pretense and delusions like yesterday. Maybe stand in the crowd as a band plays that you don't like but do respect? Maybe go to a show that isn't totally your thing? Maybe stop talking shit abut bands that are relatively successful in what they're doing and learn from them? Maybe get so competitive and be clever about it rather than hoard your fan base? Whatever, all I'm saying is that I am hearing a lot and getting the sense that MANY people are ready to enjoy this kind of thing again. Things will need to change before this will happen. Smarten up mother fuckers!!
~ZFJ
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Speculation of a scene, pretense and delusions, oh what a wonderful time!
I approached Saturday with some optimism. I left with MORE optimism...
but not in the normal, comforting sense. I had a conversation the night before with a good friend and former bandmate in regards to the show Saturday. He said it seemed like a lot of people were coming out, many even had a sense that it may be the start of a new "scene". Everybody talks about "the scene is dead..." or "music sucks around here now...". Not really, it's just hard to find an enjoyable event sometimes. Anyway, I foolishly agreed with my friend about the feeling of something being started anew. Wrong about the scene, right about something starting.
My singer booked the show a few months ago and set the lineup with the owner of the venue, who by the way, puts any club owner to shame with his promotional efforts and genuine advocacy for original bands. Fast forward to the show: one band showed up early, set up all their stuff and basically tried to dictate the lineup putting our back to the wall to clarify things with the other band who was bitching about going last. Don, the owner, told us the actual lineup and then the band going last started sulking and bitching through the bar. When I told the guitar player that they would have to go last and he says to me "Oh, that kind of sucks. We told everyone we were playing at 10 and they were going to watch our set and then leave..." Wow...WOW. Perhaps I just heard it wrong?? What the fuck is that??? The other band demanded the slot right before my band and they deserved it because they were the other band on the bill with us the whole time. They played their music. They broke down their gear and then, none of them were seen in the bar during our set. As if they are really something??? It's ok, a couple hundred other people decided to stay in the room to watch our set. My band's never been anything but cool to this crew but they sure like to talk shit about my band for some reason. It is endlessly flattering when you're a relatively big target. Shit like that doesn't nurture a scene. It destroys it. The fucking self serving, self consumed and delusional musicians that have such tiny visions for themselves they can't even see beyond their own recognition or praise seeking. I'd love to see musicians out supporting each others shows, saying decent things, not being jealous when other bands get success but rather using it to fuel their fire...it's nearly impossible to succeed alone.
Something DID get started after Saturday. A few key people are on fire again and that means some fucking good things are going to happen. So, people, get together. Drop your storylines, issues and what you think you know and we all may get the vibes we want again.
This is the first post for the new blog: zero fun John.
but not in the normal, comforting sense. I had a conversation the night before with a good friend and former bandmate in regards to the show Saturday. He said it seemed like a lot of people were coming out, many even had a sense that it may be the start of a new "scene". Everybody talks about "the scene is dead..." or "music sucks around here now...". Not really, it's just hard to find an enjoyable event sometimes. Anyway, I foolishly agreed with my friend about the feeling of something being started anew. Wrong about the scene, right about something starting.
My singer booked the show a few months ago and set the lineup with the owner of the venue, who by the way, puts any club owner to shame with his promotional efforts and genuine advocacy for original bands. Fast forward to the show: one band showed up early, set up all their stuff and basically tried to dictate the lineup putting our back to the wall to clarify things with the other band who was bitching about going last. Don, the owner, told us the actual lineup and then the band going last started sulking and bitching through the bar. When I told the guitar player that they would have to go last and he says to me "Oh, that kind of sucks. We told everyone we were playing at 10 and they were going to watch our set and then leave..." Wow...WOW. Perhaps I just heard it wrong?? What the fuck is that??? The other band demanded the slot right before my band and they deserved it because they were the other band on the bill with us the whole time. They played their music. They broke down their gear and then, none of them were seen in the bar during our set. As if they are really something??? It's ok, a couple hundred other people decided to stay in the room to watch our set. My band's never been anything but cool to this crew but they sure like to talk shit about my band for some reason. It is endlessly flattering when you're a relatively big target. Shit like that doesn't nurture a scene. It destroys it. The fucking self serving, self consumed and delusional musicians that have such tiny visions for themselves they can't even see beyond their own recognition or praise seeking. I'd love to see musicians out supporting each others shows, saying decent things, not being jealous when other bands get success but rather using it to fuel their fire...it's nearly impossible to succeed alone.
Something DID get started after Saturday. A few key people are on fire again and that means some fucking good things are going to happen. So, people, get together. Drop your storylines, issues and what you think you know and we all may get the vibes we want again.
This is the first post for the new blog: zero fun John.
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