The Ironic Journey

So, about a year ago Rich and I hit a friend's tag sale while busy wasting some time on a Saturday. We came upon many cool items there such as a black wig (which I own), a sheepskin-ish looking western vest, plenty of cheap sunglasses and more. However, none of these prizes were more special than the pack of meat stickers I found. Yes reader, stickers that are pictures of meat. We saw the ironic value of these instantly and immediately launched into detailed and elaborate plans for deploying these stickers in order to get some additional kicks.

So naturally the plan we decided on involved placing these meat stickers on various belongings of Matt Silbersteins, a friend, a musician, a legendary vegetarian and now, a power-vegan. We envisioned how he would freak out and be surprised when he came across one of them and how he would marvel at our clever-ness. Keeping the super-ironic fact that the stickers were PICTURES OF MEAT fresh in our minds, we set off to make it happen. I positioned four of these stickers back then and only two have been discovered. The first discovery was the one I put on his guitar case which was a picture of a de-feathered chicken ready to be cooked. He found it but didn't seem to enjoy the irony as much as we did. The second placement however, was special. This meat sticker --which is a picture of a nice ham steak to the best of my knowledge-- has taken on a beautiful life of it's own in our little, ironic world.

The ham steak meat sticker was placed on a liquor bottle of DiSaronno that for some reason was stationed in his bedroom. It was discovered almost a year later. Here's how it re-entered my life: I woke one morning, groggy as hell --like usual-- and I stumbled into the kitchen to make coffee. I glanced at the clock to see the time (why else would I look at the clock?) but I couldn't quite make out the hands of the clock. I momentarily accepted that this was caused by my grogginess. Undaunted, I glanced again. I still could not make out the time so I focus a bit more on the clock, now squinting and rubbing my eyes for clarity. Still I could not see the time. Annoyed, I approach the clock to find the answer to this. Well readers, I couldn't see the time because someone had PLACED THE MEAT STICKER ON THE CLOCK!!!

WOW!

I was excited to realize that Matt had finally been confronted by the sticker on the Disaronno bottle and that the meat sticker was back in my life after such a long hiatus. Obviously I had to re-position the sticker from here. I removed it from the clock and cleverly placed it on the back of Matts "Key-Tar" (for those who don't know, a Key-tar is a keyboard you hold and play like a guitar...a rather ironic instrument itself these days). I return home later and see the Key-tar is moved and my mind starts racing...I examine the back of it but THE MEAT STICKER IS GONE!!!! Where could it be? Was all of this just an extremely pleasant dream??? Did Matt find the new location already??? The moves this little sticker was making were astonishing to me!

I approach Matt with all the applicable realizations and confessions surrounding the exploits of the meat sticker. I explained how we had this whole thing planned from last year and that I was amazed at how he flipped the script on me by placing the sticker on the clock, causing me mometary and additional grief in the wee and despicable hours of the morning. I told him that I re-flipped things when I placed it on his Key-tar but during the course of the conversation I realized, something was missing. That something was THE MEAT STICKER itself!!

I vigorously interrogate Matt as to it's new whereabouts because I can tell that he knows something. He put me through a series of guesses, quizzes and even a game of "you're getting hotter/colder" until I finally discovered that Matt had pulled an unprecidented move and placed the meat sticker on Bobby D's guitar!!! The joy that washed over me hearing this news was intense! This sticker was already enhancing three people's lives and now it gets the chance to help another??? Awesome!

Well, Bobby gets to rehearsal a few days later --not in the best of moods I might add-- and he removes his guitar from it's case. He doesn't notice me taking video of this whole process or Rich and I biting our tongues in order to not break out in premature laughter. He discovers the meat sticker and seems to appreciate it despite his bad mood. Bobby, Rich, Anthony, the meat sticker and I all shared a good chuckle from there and Bobby's mood even got a little better. We then proceeded to shred our music in rehearsal and all of us were a bit happier with the meat sticker involved. Thank you meat sticker!

The meat sticker has even traveled to Brooklyn for our recent show at The Trash Bar. It made an appearance and turned some heads due to it's ironic nature. It contributed to a good set of music and good times, mingled with new friends and basically rocked the whole night away. I believe it's next appearance will be at Maximum Capacity for our concert on June 24th -unless it has other committments by that time.

I know you have one question remaining, "Where are the other two meat stickers that you placed last year ZFJ??" Well dear readers, those have yet to be discovered....AAAAAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

~ZFJ

The dismantling and dissection of "Cool", PART I

Hello Readers.

14.29% of a fortnight ago, the band fellas and I hung out and reviewed new material for the new album. We progressed into watching YouTube stuff and partied because we’re cool. Work suffered yesterday. I am truly blessed with having friends that are really “cool” and usually winning. Well, I was looking to get some sleep for the first time this week but they decided to hang out way past my healthy, self-imposed curfew. “Cool” people call the shots. Bobby D actually cracked a few fresh beers well after I had announced that I would be retreating to drift into sweet sleep. Bob is “cool”. This attack on my well being caused Mr. Tardy to roar in laughter and, you guessed it! He went on to enjoy yet another fresh beer with Bobby D!!! Or two?...can’t quite remember. But wow, they are painfully cool (I flatter them in hopes of not having my lunch-money-tax rate increased). Truly, I am tired as I write this post but, rather than get beat up, I figured it was better to join in and be accepted into the party they had started. Neighbors were invited over and we had a real hoot of a time. Currently, I can’t keep my eyes open but, that’s better than taking an ass whipping from “cool” kids.

Here’s a glimpse of what it’s like talking to a “cool” person:

ZFJ: “Hey man. I need to go to sleep, get the f*ck out of my house.”
Bob D: “Haha! Nope! I just opened a fresh beer.”
Rich: “hahahahaha”
Bob D: “hahahahahahaaa”
ZFJ: “Okay man, that’s cool”
Bob D: “Hahaaa…I think I’ll open another fresh beer!!”
Rich: “hahahahahaha”

And so on, and so forth.

Bob D, seeking approval from Rich, increased the intensity of his chop-busting, sleep depriving tactics to attempt to prolong the favorable feelings of earning Rich’s approval and therefore, his acceptance. Bobby at that moment was “cool” and felt important.

So, what is “cool”? We commonly use the word to describe a person, place, event or thing that is favorable to us. In the previous example of a conversation with “cool” people, “cool” is used to describe agreement –agreement based on fear of an ass whipping. Or, am I using the term “ass whipping” as a replacement for “lose their approval and therefore, the feeling of acceptance I so desire” in the statement? Most humans have in common that we seek acceptance, to feel important and feel loved. We want to be “cool”. Some people will lie, cheat, steal or even pretend to be someone or something they’re not in order to fit in and gain the approval of their peer group. The fashion, music and other specifics change from group to group but the principle is the same. People want to be “cool”.

In conclusion, it seems like “cool” is based in the opinions of others and to be “cool” is to have favorable opinions from others. What is really “cool” is when you don’t give a fuck (I’m not even going to reference Charlie Sheen here). To further enforce how cool it is when you do not care if you have the favorable opinions of others, the artists who’s videos are displayed below are cool because they know they are. They are rare people, "cooler" than you or I, who don’t need you to validate their "coolness" ...and, they don't need your shit. But, they are different brands of “cool”. One of them just brings forth what is in their soul and the other seems to be on a mission of some type. Therefore, I think one of them is “cooler” than the other. Maybe it's just due to the genres??? I’ll let you be the judge.

One more thing, how long did it take for you to get annoyed at the use of “cool” in this post?

~ZFJ