Remembering, The Beard.

Hi. I was forced to shave my beard. I'll tell you why...


But first, I've got a couple resolutions to share for the new year.

1) I will try to use parmesan cheese on many more things I eat.

2) At some point I will grow the balls and commit to an awesome moustache. And it will be on my face for a minimum of one month when I do commit. Maybe longer?


Ok, so I started a new day-job. It's cool, offers some freedom and I worked there in the past and really liked it. It's a nice environment to get back into. But I did have to shave my beard because of their attack on my personal freedom (i.e. a policy about facial hair they have)....Whatever, I needed a change anyway --as the cool kids, Robbie and Rich, have pointed out quite a bit. And I do what the cool kids want. Anyway, I started today and, after the long morning drive, had to hit the bathroom with some urgency upon arrival.

In the bathroom I was re-acclimated to "Devils Claw". (If you don't know what Devils Claw is, here you go: http://zerofunjohn.blogspot.com/2011/05/devils-claw.html )

It was not fun.

After trudging through a few piles of paperwork, my new manager (who is cool as fuck by the way. Aren't they all in the beginning??) informed me that I am going to have to watch their training video course again. He was somewhat apologetic about this. I soon found out why and after fighting back the tears of boredom, almost went to sleep. But I woke up when I realized that training video role playing skits can easily be translated into porn skits. I had new life and renewed interest breathed into my brain!!! I felt as if I had discovered a secret --all my own-- that could get me through the tedium of these company-wide brainwashing attempts. I was giddy, and attentive. I Loved it! Now tomorrow when I resume my training, instead of hearing:

Attractive Female Customer: "There's a hole in my garage wall and wasps are flying out of it!!.... you didn't even check the garage on your service call last week.....why, my poor husband even got stung a couple times!"

Technician: "I apologize for missing that on my last treatment, I simply forgot to check the garage somehow. Let me see where the problem is and I'll correct it for you." (teaching us accountability)

Going forward I'll hear:

Attractive Female Customer: "Hi there (she moves closer to the unassuming technician -he gasps a little)...I have a problem, I'm just so restless.....after my husband got stung by those wasps you missed last week, he hasn't...let's say , 'been attentive to my needs'. How are you going to fix my problem you big bad technician?? (she looks down at the crotch area)

Technician: "Well ma'am *gulp*, I hate to see a valued --and if I may say, 'HOT'-- customer unsatisfied...I'm pretty sure I have a tool that can help fix your problem ..heh heh (upon his realization that she's coming on to him)...why don't we start the inspection in the bedroom?"

Cue the cheesy drums and techno music. They embrace in furious, unbridled passion. And off they go for the "service call"!!


That's along the lines of what I'll be "learning" tomorrow. As always in the ZFJ Blog, this advice can be applied to many different situations and in many different contexts. However, it works extremely well for company-wide training videos. Feel free to apply this technique if you find yourself trapped in a room, by yourself, with a rather "outdated" VCR....cornered.....with those training videos.



~ZFJ