Today. I believed.

Today. I believed.

Like all of you, I really doubt the credibility of the majority of pan-handlers that work the medians around shopping malls, major intersections and most other well trafficed/consumer areas. In our minds, we flash the scenario of a beaten down-clinging-to-a-shred-of-hope, desparate shell of a man. We think, "they may be a traveler in this land...weary and set upon by bad luck. Indeed, a wayward soul with no shelter, no hope, no family to turn to, no luck, other than you, in your car." It hits you that the fifty cents you may give them will help them save up to buy a cheesburger so they may have the energy once again to embark on their long and arduous journey back.......to the next shopping mall median or major intersection. It's right about now when you return from your delusion and find yourself close enough to them to read the tattered, well-calculated sign: "Hungry. Cold. I am homeless. Lost my job...need food. God bless.".

But you just don't buy it.

Your next delusion may be of them working for a very organized and thriving business based out of a regional corporate center located in a large city. They may be a sales representative who just happens to look like a bum because the position requires this. They may have answered a job posting at some point that read:

"Wanted: Outside Sales Representative. We have many open territories for entrepreneurial-minded business devleopment experts with experience in "residential sales". This is an outstanding opportunity to earn a generous six figure income while working Part Time. In this role you will be assigned a daily territory. You will be stationed at a major median in a well populated area. Your role will be to solicit "donations" based on your marketing abilities, ability to quickly establish rapport with prospects, devlopment of marketing materials (i.e. tattered/calculated cardboard sign)and close the sale (i.e. they give you fifty cents). This adds up as you know. Ideal candidates will have a four year college degree from an accredited college or university preferably in Business Development, Acting, Law, and/or Communications, will be proficient in the MS Office suite, will have the ability to convincingly look pathetic, will have balls (or "balls" for female candidates. We ARE a diversity company)and will be motivated to get money from people to support your eventually lavish lifestyle..."

Or something to that effect.

We picture them, now having worked at this company for eight months...maybe even two years? We envision them putting in a tough day of solicitation then meeting up at a local parking lot where their Volvo is parked along with the other sales reps vehicles. They may talk like;

"how'd you do today Jimmy?"

"eh...not to good Bill...fucking cheapskate republican fucks. I think my sign sucked today actually, just wasn't feeling it. Nobody was buying the war veteran angle...whatever. I'm going to get a beer before heading home to the wife. You going to the sales meeting tomorrow?"

"Yeah. Can't fucking wait. I "love" meetings...especially since my sales numbers have been down...love to sit there and hear the same basic fact repeated for 45 minutes. You going?

"Shit yeah I'm going! My numbers aren't exactly the prettiest right now!"
(mutual laughter ensues)

Or perhaps some other work day related banter like that.

And we don't believe anymore. But we want to believe. This feeling that they're not actually bums or down-on-their-luck people but instead are working for some business, it's not a "human" feeling like we want to feel. We can't accept that there are that many actual people who have no money, no food, no hope, no chance...we know everyone has a chance because we can all make a choice. We feel hollow inside as we resign to our fate within the world-as-it-is.

Then something so innocent and real enters your world and unknowingly saves you.

Today I saw a person standing on the median at a local shopping plaza I frequent around mid-afternoon.....anyway it struck me as odd because there is usually no worker ...err, pan-handler on that median. This guy was no fucking professional though. He agressively pointed a cardboard sign at cars. He followed them as they passed with his eyes and body, sometimes even going up to the drivers side window and thrusting the sign in the drivers face as if he couldn't believe they had missed it! He had jittery feet and raw desperation as if he had to piss so bad or something. I saw the beady eyes. The car in front of me gave some money. I saw my chance to pass as he gazed into his hands at the free money he'd just been given. He thinks to himself "IT WORKS!!!" Now he's one step closer to the liquor store? The crack house?? I moved past him and was elated to read the sign that read simply; "please help. neEd moNEy".

Wow.

This shit can't be faked. The "professionals" in that major corporation need to hire this guy. He fucking sells. He doesn't hear the word "no". With his eye on the prize he makes you believe, because he actually IS the real deal. At least I believe again. That guy wasn't a sales rep in some assigned territory working a job. He's not meeting sales quotas and drawing up marketing materials. He wants money to get booze or something and he scribbled basic thoughts on a real piece of fucking cardboard he found, and then pounded the pavement in the hot sun, and got it done. Take that to your sales meeting Jimmy.

~ZFJ