Hi folks!!
You were waiting with bated-breath, hoping....dreaming that I'd write again?? Well, of course I will...I've just been super busy with stuff lately. Anyway...here's some rambling for your Sunday afternoon, about integrity in retail that has pleasantly surprised me.
The other day I was perusing good ole H & M in the mall, looking for grey-ish, slim/tight jeans that I could wear to my friends wedding reception BBQ (was yesterday...was a grand time!). I found a few styles that looked "painfully" slim (har har har) and really cool. Problem was, after my first pass through the store, I couldn't find a size bigger that 32" waist!! At first I just thought that all the "not-emaciated-not-extremely-skinny-and-possibly-slightly-portly people had already purchased all the 34" and up sizes of this cool-looking skinny jean. Yeah, that's it. These jeans look so cool that the "larger" people have pillaged the sizes I was looking into (no, I'm not fat. No, I'm not skinny...get it???)
My search continued. I even asked the very busy, and very uninterested retail clerk who was stocking clothes, for clarification about the "European" sizes that all the clothes had listed. She informed me that they're basically the same as American sizes. Oh. Okay...damn, H & M is cool....anyway, I could not find ANY size over 32" waist despite my effort. Then it hit me:
They don't even offer sizes past 32" waist on those type jeans.
Now that's called integrity folks! See, I can buy skinny jeans all I like (which I will) but they'll never look the way they're supposed to on my not-too-skinny self (no, I'm not fat, per-say). I can parade around town in them, wear them on the stage and in casual use at parties, but they still will have a slight gut protruding over them (slight people...very slight). They still won't look the way they can --and should-- look on a person who happens to be "larger" than the average person (such as myself). Anyway, I was impressed by H & M's integrity. Rather than even make it possible for a person to buy those jeans, resulting in a "less-than-optimal" appearance in future use, they don't even make sizes past 32" waist available! Not 33", 34",35",36"...nope! Shit, I had to scour the place to find even size 32!! Hats off to H & M company for making smart decisions for their customers who may just be a bit delusional about what they (we) can fit into and what would look "good" when eventually fit into.
But! I will find some grey-ish skinny-type jeans for my days and nights at The Whoo Space in Northampton, MA between September 4th and 10th!! But wait ZFJ, what's going on at The Whoo Space on 11 Market St. in beautiful Northampton Massachusetts between September 4th and September 10th you ask?? Well reader, it's the week where my band (Swillmerchants) is making our new album "I Don't Remember The World" available to YOU! Alright!! Yep. We're real excited about this music folks...we'll be there playing favorite records, eating, drinking, hanging, talking, breathing, farting (occasionally), laughing....you get it. Shameless promotion is fun!!
Check this out: http://www.facebook.com/events/276652089102665/
So, today we've learned that skinny jeans are a privilege, and that H & M respects all of us enough to make decisions for us, at times. We've learned that some of us will continue to seek out and wear skinny jeans. And we've learned that Swillmerchants have a new album called "I Don't Remember The World" that will be available between September 4th and September 10th (and beyond) @ our own little temporary retail location in Northampton...come get some!
~ZFJ
Showing posts with label swillmerchants. Show all posts
Showing posts with label swillmerchants. Show all posts
Sunday, August 19, 2012
Monday, November 21, 2011
Dark Corners & Lifestyle Messages
Happy Monday reader!
And happy holiday season...which, if you have turned on the television, entered a retail store, listened to the radio or have generally been not-sleeping to any extent, you have already been innundated with holiday messages, huge sales alerts and various other messages. All serving to drive home the point of how we "need" to get out and buy shit.
But first, I'd like to mention that I had a great weekend full of recording music, attending "Friendsgiving" and watching the Dolphins win their third straight game. I don't know what the future of "The Bastion of Despair" will be now that the Fins just can't stop winning... I'll just have to cross that bridge when it is time. On Saturday evening, right after the studio session, we drove to Cambridge for "Friendsgiving", and despite our fatigue, it was a fun holiday time as per usual. Friendsgiving really kicks off the holiday season, in my opinion. Prior to the evenings festivities in Cambridge, our Saturday recording session was rewarding and liberating, as recording sessions usually are for us. Not many things can replace the feeling of "making it official", with regards to the music we've been working on for the last year or so. Here's a shout out to Zeuss, Metal music Producer/engineer extraordinaire --and also our drum track engineer for this album. We don't play Metal music but we sure do like the raw drum tones he can get!! The guy is meticulous. The guy is awesome.
While at the studio with drum tracking in-progress, we engaged in our tradition of perusing the selection of Metal magazines in order to find Metal band names and album titles that are funny to us. We not only found a few gems, but also realized how dead fucking serious these bands are about striking fear into the hearts of the listener. And how serious they are about tapping into the "black" parts of the soul and the mind in their album titles. It occured to us that Metal bands, especially "Death" Metal, "Black" Metal, "Viking" Metal and the like, will forever be locked in an everlasting quest to create super-fast, highly agressive and very evil music. Equally important to the quest of fast, evil music is the quest to name their albums in the most fear-inspiring, "dark", occult-like and sickening-thought-conjuring nature. Which is funny. Here's a few samples:
Baptized in Blood, "Baptized in Blood"
Carnifex, "The Diseased and the Poisoned"
Hell Within, "Asylum of the Human Predator"
With Blood Comes Cleansing, "Horror"
Arsis, "We Are the Nightmare"
Dimmu Borgir, "Death Cult Armageddon"
Cradle Of Filth, "Damnation And A Day"
Wow. Take it easy? Life isn't that bad? Try to tell that to these bands though and they will gladly kill you with their evil bare hands or, and surely most preferably to them, with a human sacrifice --of YOU-- to Satan, or whatever other dark entity they're singing about. Watch it?
*sigh*
Well reader, Happy Holidays, again. Now is the time of year that hopefully we can unwind and spend quality time with loved ones, family and friends. It's the time of year for giving. And it's the time of year that retail operations in this country energetically and methodically drill this message into our brains and souls. We know, we know...we "have" to give presents. We have to spend money and they, the various retail operations, love receiving our money. This is not a secret, we all know that they're in business to make money. We just endure the blitzkrieg that begins around Halloween....Every season.......Every channel....Every commercial... Every radio.....Every website.....Every possible form of pressure to buy, both subtle and overt.
But that's not even my point. What I'm getting at is how all this effort only enhances my personal distaste for their corporate tag lines. Millions of marketing research dollars spent....then millions of advertising dollars spent, to get...our money. Your money. My money. They need to have their "brand" positioned correctly in the marketplace in order to get our money. They attempt to "disarm" us with positive affirmations, empowering lifestyle messages and clever plays-on-words. But still, we know they don't really care about our lives being "better". We know they just want "it", our money.
*sigh*
And they know that times have changed from the commonplace, everyday mindless, controllable-consumer to the savvy, internet-researching, powerful and resourceful consumer. They know we are armed with information and therefore will be difficult to control. So they needed to make their tag lines "stroke" us a little bit more while still conveying the message of: "Buy shit from our store". They needed to appeal to our intelligence with "lifestyle" messages in order to reinvent their brand and image, to get us to buy shit at their store. New tag lines have emerged that are assertive, confident, reassuring, simple, elementary, clever and, most importantly: THE MESSAGE HAD BETTER NOT TELL ME WHAT TO DO. For example, Lowes used to be:
"Let's Build Something Together".
No, let's not. I don't want to build something with you. I want to build something my fucking self thank you, because I can. I don't need your shitty help, Lowe's. I want to build it with the incredible information that I recently acquired. I have the power...So Lowe's changed it to:
"never stop improving".
Which sounds like a chorus to an 80's Arena-Rock hit single! THAT'S what I want right there. A tag line that makes me feel more uplifted and empowered while I "Never stop improving" my home... with the materials I just bought at your store...fuck you Lowe's.
Or Wal-Mart with:
"Save Money. Live Better"
Simple. Nasty. Appeals to my "just-keep-it-simple-for-me-and-don't-insult-my-intelligence-because-I-have-so-much-power-through-information-that-I-won't-fall-for-any-fucking-sales-pitches" sense of mind. Their old tag line was:
"Always Low Prices"
You think I don't fucking know that Wal-Mart????? You think I didn't just look up on the internet that your store boasts lower prices than other stores, all the time??? I can't tell that's your "niche" huh??? You think I'm stupid??? Fuck off, I'm not going to your store.
Or perhaps, JCPenny's new tag line (Yes, they are still in business...surprised me too reader!):
"We Make It Affordable. You Make It Yours."
"Cool". Now that they matter-of-factly told me that things are affordable there, if I decide, through my extensive research process of "where things are affordable", that's the place to go, I might just go "make it mine". Confidently mine because I researched it.
But JCPenny can't be happy with just one tag line from what I hear. They also have an ongoing tag line to force on us from time to time. That's right reader, they have two corporate tag lines going simultaneously!! This borders on insulting my intelligence. Here's that tag line:
“New look. New day. Who knew!"
That's it! My intelligence is insulted now. That sounds like a stupid line from "Sex In The City" or some fucking Rachel Ray cooking show! It sucks and you know what? Just writing it has officially made me angry enough to never go to JCPenny's. Get with it you assholes!!!
Anyway, for kicks over the weekend, my genius-level administrative team and myself decided that things need to change in the constant barrage of corporate tag lines and Metal band album names. We feel that it would be refreshing to live in a world where Metal Band album names and corporate tag lines traded places. Like, I'd be listening to Cradle Of Filth's new album "America Runs on Dunkin" while driving to: Lowe's ("Asylum Of The Human Predator") to get some plumbing fixtures.
Maybe while shopping in Wal-Mart, (tag line "We Are The Nightmare"), I decide to purchase the new Baptized In Blood album entitled, "Never Stop Improving"???
Or, I'd be watching American Football or something and a commercial airs for McDonalds, "Death Cult Armageddon". I like cults. I don't currently like McDonalds. But with a tag line containing the word "cult"?? ....I'll have a Big Mac please. Actually, make it two.
You get it?
Anyway, this would serve to not only "lighten up" some of the Metal bands of the world but also to carve out the edgy tag lines that all of us super-informed/empowered consumers will eventually need to be stimulated. AND, since we're "always playin' games" here at ZFJ Blog (thinking of this for the ZFJ Blog tag line), we encourage you to have good times of your own this holiday season with friends and family by switching Metal band album names and corporate tag lines!!!
Ok, I'm outta here...going to listen to the new With Blood Comes Cleansing album, "We Make Smiles", while doin' some cardio at the gym.
Bye!
~ZFJ
And happy holiday season...which, if you have turned on the television, entered a retail store, listened to the radio or have generally been not-sleeping to any extent, you have already been innundated with holiday messages, huge sales alerts and various other messages. All serving to drive home the point of how we "need" to get out and buy shit.
But first, I'd like to mention that I had a great weekend full of recording music, attending "Friendsgiving" and watching the Dolphins win their third straight game. I don't know what the future of "The Bastion of Despair" will be now that the Fins just can't stop winning... I'll just have to cross that bridge when it is time. On Saturday evening, right after the studio session, we drove to Cambridge for "Friendsgiving", and despite our fatigue, it was a fun holiday time as per usual. Friendsgiving really kicks off the holiday season, in my opinion. Prior to the evenings festivities in Cambridge, our Saturday recording session was rewarding and liberating, as recording sessions usually are for us. Not many things can replace the feeling of "making it official", with regards to the music we've been working on for the last year or so. Here's a shout out to Zeuss, Metal music Producer/engineer extraordinaire --and also our drum track engineer for this album. We don't play Metal music but we sure do like the raw drum tones he can get!! The guy is meticulous. The guy is awesome.
While at the studio with drum tracking in-progress, we engaged in our tradition of perusing the selection of Metal magazines in order to find Metal band names and album titles that are funny to us. We not only found a few gems, but also realized how dead fucking serious these bands are about striking fear into the hearts of the listener. And how serious they are about tapping into the "black" parts of the soul and the mind in their album titles. It occured to us that Metal bands, especially "Death" Metal, "Black" Metal, "Viking" Metal and the like, will forever be locked in an everlasting quest to create super-fast, highly agressive and very evil music. Equally important to the quest of fast, evil music is the quest to name their albums in the most fear-inspiring, "dark", occult-like and sickening-thought-conjuring nature. Which is funny. Here's a few samples:
Baptized in Blood, "Baptized in Blood"
Carnifex, "The Diseased and the Poisoned"
Hell Within, "Asylum of the Human Predator"
With Blood Comes Cleansing, "Horror"
Arsis, "We Are the Nightmare"
Dimmu Borgir, "Death Cult Armageddon"
Cradle Of Filth, "Damnation And A Day"
Wow. Take it easy? Life isn't that bad? Try to tell that to these bands though and they will gladly kill you with their evil bare hands or, and surely most preferably to them, with a human sacrifice --of YOU-- to Satan, or whatever other dark entity they're singing about. Watch it?
*sigh*
Well reader, Happy Holidays, again. Now is the time of year that hopefully we can unwind and spend quality time with loved ones, family and friends. It's the time of year for giving. And it's the time of year that retail operations in this country energetically and methodically drill this message into our brains and souls. We know, we know...we "have" to give presents. We have to spend money and they, the various retail operations, love receiving our money. This is not a secret, we all know that they're in business to make money. We just endure the blitzkrieg that begins around Halloween....Every season.......Every channel....Every commercial... Every radio.....Every website.....Every possible form of pressure to buy, both subtle and overt.
But that's not even my point. What I'm getting at is how all this effort only enhances my personal distaste for their corporate tag lines. Millions of marketing research dollars spent....then millions of advertising dollars spent, to get...our money. Your money. My money. They need to have their "brand" positioned correctly in the marketplace in order to get our money. They attempt to "disarm" us with positive affirmations, empowering lifestyle messages and clever plays-on-words. But still, we know they don't really care about our lives being "better". We know they just want "it", our money.
*sigh*
And they know that times have changed from the commonplace, everyday mindless, controllable-consumer to the savvy, internet-researching, powerful and resourceful consumer. They know we are armed with information and therefore will be difficult to control. So they needed to make their tag lines "stroke" us a little bit more while still conveying the message of: "Buy shit from our store". They needed to appeal to our intelligence with "lifestyle" messages in order to reinvent their brand and image, to get us to buy shit at their store. New tag lines have emerged that are assertive, confident, reassuring, simple, elementary, clever and, most importantly: THE MESSAGE HAD BETTER NOT TELL ME WHAT TO DO. For example, Lowes used to be:
"Let's Build Something Together".
No, let's not. I don't want to build something with you. I want to build something my fucking self thank you, because I can. I don't need your shitty help, Lowe's. I want to build it with the incredible information that I recently acquired. I have the power...So Lowe's changed it to:
"never stop improving".
Which sounds like a chorus to an 80's Arena-Rock hit single! THAT'S what I want right there. A tag line that makes me feel more uplifted and empowered while I "Never stop improving" my home... with the materials I just bought at your store...fuck you Lowe's.
Or Wal-Mart with:
"Save Money. Live Better"
Simple. Nasty. Appeals to my "just-keep-it-simple-for-me-and-don't-insult-my-intelligence-because-I-have-so-much-power-through-information-that-I-won't-fall-for-any-fucking-sales-pitches" sense of mind. Their old tag line was:
"Always Low Prices"
You think I don't fucking know that Wal-Mart????? You think I didn't just look up on the internet that your store boasts lower prices than other stores, all the time??? I can't tell that's your "niche" huh??? You think I'm stupid??? Fuck off, I'm not going to your store.
Or perhaps, JCPenny's new tag line (Yes, they are still in business...surprised me too reader!):
"We Make It Affordable. You Make It Yours."
"Cool". Now that they matter-of-factly told me that things are affordable there, if I decide, through my extensive research process of "where things are affordable", that's the place to go, I might just go "make it mine". Confidently mine because I researched it.
But JCPenny can't be happy with just one tag line from what I hear. They also have an ongoing tag line to force on us from time to time. That's right reader, they have two corporate tag lines going simultaneously!! This borders on insulting my intelligence. Here's that tag line:
“New look. New day. Who knew!"
That's it! My intelligence is insulted now. That sounds like a stupid line from "Sex In The City" or some fucking Rachel Ray cooking show! It sucks and you know what? Just writing it has officially made me angry enough to never go to JCPenny's. Get with it you assholes!!!
Anyway, for kicks over the weekend, my genius-level administrative team and myself decided that things need to change in the constant barrage of corporate tag lines and Metal band album names. We feel that it would be refreshing to live in a world where Metal Band album names and corporate tag lines traded places. Like, I'd be listening to Cradle Of Filth's new album "America Runs on Dunkin" while driving to: Lowe's ("Asylum Of The Human Predator") to get some plumbing fixtures.
Maybe while shopping in Wal-Mart, (tag line "We Are The Nightmare"), I decide to purchase the new Baptized In Blood album entitled, "Never Stop Improving"???
Or, I'd be watching American Football or something and a commercial airs for McDonalds, "Death Cult Armageddon". I like cults. I don't currently like McDonalds. But with a tag line containing the word "cult"?? ....I'll have a Big Mac please. Actually, make it two.
You get it?
Anyway, this would serve to not only "lighten up" some of the Metal bands of the world but also to carve out the edgy tag lines that all of us super-informed/empowered consumers will eventually need to be stimulated. AND, since we're "always playin' games" here at ZFJ Blog (thinking of this for the ZFJ Blog tag line), we encourage you to have good times of your own this holiday season with friends and family by switching Metal band album names and corporate tag lines!!!
Ok, I'm outta here...going to listen to the new With Blood Comes Cleansing album, "We Make Smiles", while doin' some cardio at the gym.
Bye!
~ZFJ
Thursday, November 10, 2011
"These are not the Droids you are looking for"
Hi there, you cutting-edge-brilliant-person-who-decided-to-click-the-link-to-get-to-the-vital-and-possibly-life-changing-information in this here blog post! I hope you are well.
So, just to let you know, I love TV marketing, corporate "tag lines" and/or little slogans and advertising in general. I love to see who their "targets" are depending on what I'm viewing and what time I'm viewing it, and I love the absolute bullshit that most companies spew out to try and get our money. While watching Spongebob Squarepants with my sidekick (my son) a few days ago, a commercial aired for some new toy cars that light up, flip around and who knows what else. My sidekick (son) excitedly points and proclaims, "My want those!". My friend who was here chillin' with us quips, "Imagine that. Very clever how they put a commercial for a kids toy in the middle of programming that kids --and their parents-- may just be watching..." (sarcasm, in case you didn't pick up on that). That's just one fun example of TV marketing right there...well, fun for me anyway.
Ok, ok... I'll start getting to my long-winded point here. I own and operate an iphone. The iphone is one of the best devices I have acquired in my life. It's easy to use, extremely useful for many things --even phone calls. It's streamlined, cool and empowering. The marketing behind the iphone kind of reflects a sort of "I'm-intelligent-casual-streamlined-resourceful-clever-type-of-phone", made for and used by "intelligent-casual-streamlined-resourceful-clever-type-of-person"...at least that's how I feel when I see their commercials. Seems clear and consistent and I feel like I made the right move getting it. Just saying...
Last night after a mighty Swillmerchants rehearsal, I unwound and lightened up a bit with a viewing of "Saving Private Ryan". At commercial break, a marketing piece came on that threw me for a loop at first. It showed an object flying at high speeds through a city, powerfully and easily slicing through street lights, street signs and other objects throughout the metropolitan area. My first thought was, "Oh shit! Yes! It's an advertisement for yet another big budget movie where a seemingly unstoppable-alien-threat-terrorizes-a-city-and/or-the-world-killing-millions-of-humans-as-we-shrivel-away-in-horror-eventually-demonstrating-our-human-ingenuity- resilience-and-resolve-by-finding-a-way-to-end-the-planet-wide-bloodbath-thus-uniting-the-planet-complete-with-images-and-foreshadowing-of-the-entire-human-race-living-in-harmony-upon- the-realization-that-we-should-work-together-rather-than-battle-each-other-to-make-the-Earth-a great-place-to-live-once-again!!"
Wrong. It was just a commercial for the Droid "Razr" phone. (Note the edgy spelling of "Razr"!)
Anyway, the Droid came out a few years ago (I think) and it was supposed to try and compete for market share with the iphone. Maybe the Droid line of phones is doing this? I don't really give a shit but I do hope you proceed with caution if you intend to purchase a Droid phone. Their marketing seems to suggest that this phone will be able to fly through the air and cut right through metal, bone and concrete. Very cool, if that's what you want your phone to do?? I probed further into the marketing for Droid phones and what I discovered was terrifying to say the least. A particular marketing piece showed a young executive involved in an obviously important board meeting. He spies the Droid phone on the table and decides to pick it up, no doubt thinking that the device can help with his job and/or presentation at the board meeting. Wrong!!! The joke is on him as his hands and arms began to morph into robot arms as he manipulates the device!! Wow, I guess the Droid is capable of turning every day, well-meaning humans into robotic clones??? Okaaay......
Still another marketing piece featured a young man hiding in an alleyway, covertly following a black SUV of interest. The SUV pulls up at a corner convenience store in the city and two important yet tough-looking men urgently exit the vehicle and enter the convenience store. They quickly proceed to the ATM machine and key in a secret code, which opens a secret staircase. The young man is right behind them, unseen, wide-eyed and moving fast to discover what they are doing here. He manages to make it down the secret staircase without detection and continues to trail the two men from a short distance behind. The tough-looking men continue moving through the various uber-high-tech security levels and eventually they make their way into the awaiting and futuristic complex. Inside the complex, the young man stares in awe at massive robots and various machines putting hi-tech stuff into other stuff, huge computer screens showing what resembles a nuclear combustion in progress, and many "top secret" looking people are gathered around coordinating the whole process. He turns around quickly as the steel doors to the entrance of the complex slam shut right behind his back. Undaunted, he regains focus on the overwhelming process unfolding right before his eyes and stares in awestruck horror as a huge, semi-controlled explosion occurs in the center of the complex. The explosion produces: a Droid phone. Fuck. Was I hoping for something "more" from this scenario? Possibly? He seemed happy though.
Shit.
Damn folks. I just want to make a phone call, or text someone, or play Angry Birds (lots of it) and feel like an "intelligent-casual-streamlined-resourceful-clever-type-of-person" while doing it. I don't want to slice through metal, bone and concrete. I don't want to develop robot arms and I surely don't want to take my chances enduring a huge explosion in the company of "top-secret" type people just to get a phone. Wow. Could be just my take on it, but I don't think Droids marketing is really appropriate for consumers other than those who have plans to take over the world, overthrow a government, become a robot or generally strike fear into the hearts of all who oppose them.
Wait....maybe I should get one?
Anyway, to finally conclude todays overly-boring post, I'd like to leave you with an example of what I feel is spot-on, easy-to-consume and to-the-point TV marketing. Not surprisingly it's for "Liftmaster" Garage Door Openers. In their marketing piece they explain how their garage door opening systems are awesome and even have battery backup for use in the event of power outages! Their tag line?
"Liftmaster. Get in your garage every time."
Real fucking simple folks. Your garage door will fucking open. Period. Every time --if you buy Liftmaster, of course.
Now that's effective TV marketing if I've ever seen it!
Until later...I surely hope you have an iphone for your phone-ing needs. But if not, and you own a Droid, I hope you're putting it to "good use". If ya know what I mean (hint hint)...
~ZFJ
So, just to let you know, I love TV marketing, corporate "tag lines" and/or little slogans and advertising in general. I love to see who their "targets" are depending on what I'm viewing and what time I'm viewing it, and I love the absolute bullshit that most companies spew out to try and get our money. While watching Spongebob Squarepants with my sidekick (my son) a few days ago, a commercial aired for some new toy cars that light up, flip around and who knows what else. My sidekick (son) excitedly points and proclaims, "My want those!". My friend who was here chillin' with us quips, "Imagine that. Very clever how they put a commercial for a kids toy in the middle of programming that kids --and their parents-- may just be watching..." (sarcasm, in case you didn't pick up on that). That's just one fun example of TV marketing right there...well, fun for me anyway.
Ok, ok... I'll start getting to my long-winded point here. I own and operate an iphone. The iphone is one of the best devices I have acquired in my life. It's easy to use, extremely useful for many things --even phone calls. It's streamlined, cool and empowering. The marketing behind the iphone kind of reflects a sort of "I'm-intelligent-casual-streamlined-resourceful-clever-type-of-phone", made for and used by "intelligent-casual-streamlined-resourceful-clever-type-of-person"...at least that's how I feel when I see their commercials. Seems clear and consistent and I feel like I made the right move getting it. Just saying...
Last night after a mighty Swillmerchants rehearsal, I unwound and lightened up a bit with a viewing of "Saving Private Ryan". At commercial break, a marketing piece came on that threw me for a loop at first. It showed an object flying at high speeds through a city, powerfully and easily slicing through street lights, street signs and other objects throughout the metropolitan area. My first thought was, "Oh shit! Yes! It's an advertisement for yet another big budget movie where a seemingly unstoppable-alien-threat-terrorizes-a-city-and/or-the-world-killing-millions-of-humans-as-we-shrivel-away-in-horror-eventually-demonstrating-our-human-ingenuity- resilience-and-resolve-by-finding-a-way-to-end-the-planet-wide-bloodbath-thus-uniting-the-planet-complete-with-images-and-foreshadowing-of-the-entire-human-race-living-in-harmony-upon- the-realization-that-we-should-work-together-rather-than-battle-each-other-to-make-the-Earth-a great-place-to-live-once-again!!"
Wrong. It was just a commercial for the Droid "Razr" phone. (Note the edgy spelling of "Razr"!)
Anyway, the Droid came out a few years ago (I think) and it was supposed to try and compete for market share with the iphone. Maybe the Droid line of phones is doing this? I don't really give a shit but I do hope you proceed with caution if you intend to purchase a Droid phone. Their marketing seems to suggest that this phone will be able to fly through the air and cut right through metal, bone and concrete. Very cool, if that's what you want your phone to do?? I probed further into the marketing for Droid phones and what I discovered was terrifying to say the least. A particular marketing piece showed a young executive involved in an obviously important board meeting. He spies the Droid phone on the table and decides to pick it up, no doubt thinking that the device can help with his job and/or presentation at the board meeting. Wrong!!! The joke is on him as his hands and arms began to morph into robot arms as he manipulates the device!! Wow, I guess the Droid is capable of turning every day, well-meaning humans into robotic clones??? Okaaay......
Still another marketing piece featured a young man hiding in an alleyway, covertly following a black SUV of interest. The SUV pulls up at a corner convenience store in the city and two important yet tough-looking men urgently exit the vehicle and enter the convenience store. They quickly proceed to the ATM machine and key in a secret code, which opens a secret staircase. The young man is right behind them, unseen, wide-eyed and moving fast to discover what they are doing here. He manages to make it down the secret staircase without detection and continues to trail the two men from a short distance behind. The tough-looking men continue moving through the various uber-high-tech security levels and eventually they make their way into the awaiting and futuristic complex. Inside the complex, the young man stares in awe at massive robots and various machines putting hi-tech stuff into other stuff, huge computer screens showing what resembles a nuclear combustion in progress, and many "top secret" looking people are gathered around coordinating the whole process. He turns around quickly as the steel doors to the entrance of the complex slam shut right behind his back. Undaunted, he regains focus on the overwhelming process unfolding right before his eyes and stares in awestruck horror as a huge, semi-controlled explosion occurs in the center of the complex. The explosion produces: a Droid phone. Fuck. Was I hoping for something "more" from this scenario? Possibly? He seemed happy though.
Shit.
Damn folks. I just want to make a phone call, or text someone, or play Angry Birds (lots of it) and feel like an "intelligent-casual-streamlined-resourceful-clever-type-of-person" while doing it. I don't want to slice through metal, bone and concrete. I don't want to develop robot arms and I surely don't want to take my chances enduring a huge explosion in the company of "top-secret" type people just to get a phone. Wow. Could be just my take on it, but I don't think Droids marketing is really appropriate for consumers other than those who have plans to take over the world, overthrow a government, become a robot or generally strike fear into the hearts of all who oppose them.
Wait....maybe I should get one?
Anyway, to finally conclude todays overly-boring post, I'd like to leave you with an example of what I feel is spot-on, easy-to-consume and to-the-point TV marketing. Not surprisingly it's for "Liftmaster" Garage Door Openers. In their marketing piece they explain how their garage door opening systems are awesome and even have battery backup for use in the event of power outages! Their tag line?
"Liftmaster. Get in your garage every time."
Real fucking simple folks. Your garage door will fucking open. Period. Every time --if you buy Liftmaster, of course.
Now that's effective TV marketing if I've ever seen it!
Until later...I surely hope you have an iphone for your phone-ing needs. But if not, and you own a Droid, I hope you're putting it to "good use". If ya know what I mean (hint hint)...
~ZFJ
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
My first taste of war, instant gratification and I don't remember the world
Friends, I’m sorry I missed “Pi Day”, the weekend just wore me out. Check out http://handmademonstertime.blogspot.com
for Mia & Jenni's Monsters.
The preparation that goes into making a record is intense and this past weekend, I knew I had to prepare for more than just drum tracking. Let me take you back in time for a moment first…to a time when things were different, a time when it all began...
Back at Zeuss’s recording studio some time ago, I witnessed the real life work of a man known as Dance King, or Anthony Minalga –if you will. I remember that day like it was yesterday. We were tracking drums and Anthony was in the control room with us between takes. I was sitting on the couch listening and we all were having a good time, talking, relaxing…but one of us was scheming. I was in the middle of conversation with Zeuss and kind of took notice of Anthony moving a chair in to position near the side of the couch, to sit I thought? He mumbled to himself as he stood up on the chair…something about having to check the Acoustic Panel that was on the wall above my head. I did have a quick thought as to why HE needed to check that panel? I turn around to the reality of an ass in my face and heard unsavory slap-cracking of a huge fart in my face. I exploded off the couch, hit the floor and checked my forehead a couple times for blood. This was to be my first taste of war. He “ripped” on me two more times that day and has also attempted/accomplished this hundreds more times in the various musical endeavors we’re both involved in. The preparation that goes into farting on an unsuspecting victim’s face is intense.
I was attacked again on Saturday. He got me even though I had prepared to defend this. Now dear readers, I just wanted to get really good drum tracks and live my life a little bit on this studio day and I was really focused on helping to kick the forthcoming Swillmerchants record off to a good start. Dance King just wanted to fart in my face. And he accomplished his mission even though I waited, on guard, all day. It happened around 4:42 PM. I had set a chair up in the middle of the floor and was listening to a recent drum take. He started walking around the room –almost pacing- and with a laser focused look in his eye –as if his life suddenly had meaning all at once. He tried to swoop in a couple times but I fended off the advances with well placed karate kicks. I judged the intensity of the attacks to be decoys…More lurking around my position transpired…I see him go down stairs and I say to Rich and Rob (the “cool” kids), “ I know exactly what he’s doing. He’s going downstairs, doing yoga and bends and shit to try and brew up a huge fart for me.” *laughter* I turn as if in a dream, to see Dance King running towards my position like a soldier about to dive on top of a grenade threatening his comrades…he side-stepped my defense, leaped in the air and flew towards my face sideways, I swear he was glowing…and as he flew by my face I heard: “craaack-a-slap-craaaack-ffstpppubble-slap/slap/slap-craaaack-…foof..slap!!!.”. How could this have happened –AGAIN??? All I did was visualize how he would never get me with this today. I trained and studied. I even used “The Secret” to visualize positive results. Why, most of my very soul went into preparing my mind and spirit to defend this but in the end, I couldn’t save the day. At least we did get some awesome drum tracks done. I did also fart on him three times and he hasn’t returned any of my texts since Saturday.
Readers, my point of all this, other than to expose yet another psychopathic lunatic in our midst, is to highlight that we all love instant gratification and we all have our own definitions of it. Uncomplicated laughs delivered via the fart, the burp, the slip, the slap, the hard fall, the vomit and the trip are my preference. See, I helped others to a good time when Anthony pulled his attack in the studio. He in turn was made a “good time” of when he was farted on.
One day my friend Dru and I were having beers with Rich before we all went out. I’m on the couch and Dru comes up with a “competition” for me. He says, “Hey, try to catch all three of these bottle caps. I bet you can’t do it.” I’m thinking of how easily I will be able to do this because of my coordination and natural athletic ability but he had other thoughts. “I’ll show him” I think to myself and then say…”oh yeah??? Throw them.” He does. I lunge for the bottle caps but my inertia is harshly interrupted by Dru’s ass. My face rendezvous-ed with it conveniently just at the moment he ripped a loud slappy fart. Coincidence? No. Instant gratification for him and others watching this display? Yes.
In continuing, why does your friend try to trip you when you walk by? Because, if you fall, he and other people will laugh hard so why not at least try? Instant Gratification for him if it works. If your friend falls down your stairs this Winter and you revel in it still to this day? Instant Gratification for me. Because it just plain feels good to have fun at someone else’s expense (right Mick? :) ). Instant Gratification.
When your manager at the Pizza place where you work, who’s a ball buster and thinks he’s all hard working and shit, comes charging real fast around the corner one day onto the freshly mopped floor of the grinder prep area, slipping violently and falling hard with a “SLAP!” on to the unforgiving floor and in the process spills the pizza sauce. Red faced, confused and, pissed he tries to get up, too hastily… he slips again, begins to lose composure and goes ballistic with swears and unfocused rage. You’re around the corner holding in a belly laugh –Instant Gratification.
When the assistant manager is pissed at the Fry-O-Lator cook and begins to verbally assault the employee with commandments and over-authoritive-chewing-out in red-faced frustration for the cook’s lack of performance and lack of dedication, another employee sets up a chair behind the manager, calls the manager’s name and, as the manager turns around, the employee plants a sharp, crackling fart on him. Instant Gratification!
When a singer is immersed in a mix and leaning forward towards the mixing board, the mischievous guitarist sets up a chair behind him…the singer remains in total concentration…guitarist climbs on the chair and pulls down his trousers, bends over aiming his bare ass towards the back of the singers head and says “Hey Keith”, singer turns around quickly in his chair with his face literally landing in the guitarists' ass crack to enjoy a slapper. Instant gratification.
When a bass player gets a little too cocky in rehearsal because he knows a song so well, “I will play it with my eyes closed” he says. The bass player does indeed rock the song with his eyes closed. However, the clever guitarist knew how to bring this bass player down to Earth. He took initiative and climbed up on a nearby amp, pulled his dick out and was putting it almost on the bass player’s shoulder while he rocked the song-with his eyes closed. The bass player never knew this was happening but the rest of the band did. Instant gratification –for them.
Muscle bound menace strutting around in the gym when he stumbles on the part of the floor that inclines a little. He jerks around quickly as if to 1) Kick the ass of the twerp who tripped him and/or 2) Let the floor know it will get it’s ass kicked if it tries that shit again. Instant gratification.
When a guitarist is sitting in a booth at Packards, three to a side, and then he stands up to point his ass towards the other guitarist’ face to slap out a loud fart causing the victim to flail back in his seat a bit and the rest of the table to explode with laughter. Instant Gratification. Meanwhile, at the end of the table, the leprechaun danced and spoke of Star Wars love beads in a strange accent??? (really happened and that’s the only reason it was mentioned). The recent victim sits, with a glare of contempt, no, ...Hatred toward the other guitarist. He swivels quickly, raises his clenched fist and smashes down on his assailants' shoulder with the look of a man who was forced to kill or be killed on the battlefield. When someone gets farted on, that is hilarious already. When the victim flips their lid, losing their composure resulting in physical, primal and convincing violence on the assailant, now that is sidesplitting. (Thanks Matt & Rob). Instant Gratification.
I do have plans to make all this into a documentary someday called “Instant Gratification”. Additional ideas for fart "set-ups" are appreciated. As for the time you just spent out of your life reading this, unfortunately you can never get it back.
~ZFJ
for Mia & Jenni's Monsters.
The preparation that goes into making a record is intense and this past weekend, I knew I had to prepare for more than just drum tracking. Let me take you back in time for a moment first…to a time when things were different, a time when it all began...
Back at Zeuss’s recording studio some time ago, I witnessed the real life work of a man known as Dance King, or Anthony Minalga –if you will. I remember that day like it was yesterday. We were tracking drums and Anthony was in the control room with us between takes. I was sitting on the couch listening and we all were having a good time, talking, relaxing…but one of us was scheming. I was in the middle of conversation with Zeuss and kind of took notice of Anthony moving a chair in to position near the side of the couch, to sit I thought? He mumbled to himself as he stood up on the chair…something about having to check the Acoustic Panel that was on the wall above my head. I did have a quick thought as to why HE needed to check that panel? I turn around to the reality of an ass in my face and heard unsavory slap-cracking of a huge fart in my face. I exploded off the couch, hit the floor and checked my forehead a couple times for blood. This was to be my first taste of war. He “ripped” on me two more times that day and has also attempted/accomplished this hundreds more times in the various musical endeavors we’re both involved in. The preparation that goes into farting on an unsuspecting victim’s face is intense.
I was attacked again on Saturday. He got me even though I had prepared to defend this. Now dear readers, I just wanted to get really good drum tracks and live my life a little bit on this studio day and I was really focused on helping to kick the forthcoming Swillmerchants record off to a good start. Dance King just wanted to fart in my face. And he accomplished his mission even though I waited, on guard, all day. It happened around 4:42 PM. I had set a chair up in the middle of the floor and was listening to a recent drum take. He started walking around the room –almost pacing- and with a laser focused look in his eye –as if his life suddenly had meaning all at once. He tried to swoop in a couple times but I fended off the advances with well placed karate kicks. I judged the intensity of the attacks to be decoys…More lurking around my position transpired…I see him go down stairs and I say to Rich and Rob (the “cool” kids), “ I know exactly what he’s doing. He’s going downstairs, doing yoga and bends and shit to try and brew up a huge fart for me.” *laughter* I turn as if in a dream, to see Dance King running towards my position like a soldier about to dive on top of a grenade threatening his comrades…he side-stepped my defense, leaped in the air and flew towards my face sideways, I swear he was glowing…and as he flew by my face I heard: “craaack-a-slap-craaaack-ffstpppubble-slap/slap/slap-craaaack-…foof..slap!!!.”. How could this have happened –AGAIN??? All I did was visualize how he would never get me with this today. I trained and studied. I even used “The Secret” to visualize positive results. Why, most of my very soul went into preparing my mind and spirit to defend this but in the end, I couldn’t save the day. At least we did get some awesome drum tracks done. I did also fart on him three times and he hasn’t returned any of my texts since Saturday.
Readers, my point of all this, other than to expose yet another psychopathic lunatic in our midst, is to highlight that we all love instant gratification and we all have our own definitions of it. Uncomplicated laughs delivered via the fart, the burp, the slip, the slap, the hard fall, the vomit and the trip are my preference. See, I helped others to a good time when Anthony pulled his attack in the studio. He in turn was made a “good time” of when he was farted on.
One day my friend Dru and I were having beers with Rich before we all went out. I’m on the couch and Dru comes up with a “competition” for me. He says, “Hey, try to catch all three of these bottle caps. I bet you can’t do it.” I’m thinking of how easily I will be able to do this because of my coordination and natural athletic ability but he had other thoughts. “I’ll show him” I think to myself and then say…”oh yeah??? Throw them.” He does. I lunge for the bottle caps but my inertia is harshly interrupted by Dru’s ass. My face rendezvous-ed with it conveniently just at the moment he ripped a loud slappy fart. Coincidence? No. Instant gratification for him and others watching this display? Yes.
In continuing, why does your friend try to trip you when you walk by? Because, if you fall, he and other people will laugh hard so why not at least try? Instant Gratification for him if it works. If your friend falls down your stairs this Winter and you revel in it still to this day? Instant Gratification for me. Because it just plain feels good to have fun at someone else’s expense (right Mick? :) ). Instant Gratification.
When your manager at the Pizza place where you work, who’s a ball buster and thinks he’s all hard working and shit, comes charging real fast around the corner one day onto the freshly mopped floor of the grinder prep area, slipping violently and falling hard with a “SLAP!” on to the unforgiving floor and in the process spills the pizza sauce. Red faced, confused and, pissed he tries to get up, too hastily… he slips again, begins to lose composure and goes ballistic with swears and unfocused rage. You’re around the corner holding in a belly laugh –Instant Gratification.
When the assistant manager is pissed at the Fry-O-Lator cook and begins to verbally assault the employee with commandments and over-authoritive-chewing-out in red-faced frustration for the cook’s lack of performance and lack of dedication, another employee sets up a chair behind the manager, calls the manager’s name and, as the manager turns around, the employee plants a sharp, crackling fart on him. Instant Gratification!
When a singer is immersed in a mix and leaning forward towards the mixing board, the mischievous guitarist sets up a chair behind him…the singer remains in total concentration…guitarist climbs on the chair and pulls down his trousers, bends over aiming his bare ass towards the back of the singers head and says “Hey Keith”, singer turns around quickly in his chair with his face literally landing in the guitarists' ass crack to enjoy a slapper. Instant gratification.
When a bass player gets a little too cocky in rehearsal because he knows a song so well, “I will play it with my eyes closed” he says. The bass player does indeed rock the song with his eyes closed. However, the clever guitarist knew how to bring this bass player down to Earth. He took initiative and climbed up on a nearby amp, pulled his dick out and was putting it almost on the bass player’s shoulder while he rocked the song-with his eyes closed. The bass player never knew this was happening but the rest of the band did. Instant gratification –for them.
Muscle bound menace strutting around in the gym when he stumbles on the part of the floor that inclines a little. He jerks around quickly as if to 1) Kick the ass of the twerp who tripped him and/or 2) Let the floor know it will get it’s ass kicked if it tries that shit again. Instant gratification.
When a guitarist is sitting in a booth at Packards, three to a side, and then he stands up to point his ass towards the other guitarist’ face to slap out a loud fart causing the victim to flail back in his seat a bit and the rest of the table to explode with laughter. Instant Gratification. Meanwhile, at the end of the table, the leprechaun danced and spoke of Star Wars love beads in a strange accent??? (really happened and that’s the only reason it was mentioned). The recent victim sits, with a glare of contempt, no, ...Hatred toward the other guitarist. He swivels quickly, raises his clenched fist and smashes down on his assailants' shoulder with the look of a man who was forced to kill or be killed on the battlefield. When someone gets farted on, that is hilarious already. When the victim flips their lid, losing their composure resulting in physical, primal and convincing violence on the assailant, now that is sidesplitting. (Thanks Matt & Rob). Instant Gratification.
I do have plans to make all this into a documentary someday called “Instant Gratification”. Additional ideas for fart "set-ups" are appreciated. As for the time you just spent out of your life reading this, unfortunately you can never get it back.
~ZFJ
Friday, March 11, 2011
The CT Conspiracy and the New Era
Hello readers. It’s been a hectic and crazy week full of realizations and that kind of shit but I just had to write to you about something I realized just this morning. Now, those who know good ole ZFJ know that I have a bit of “distaste” for the way people drive at times. I think the way people drive is a reflection of the way they live. I understand that people will just be inconsiderate, confused, flustered, going fast, going slow and whatever else on the road and that I just have to deal with it. I of course, am an electrifying driver who looks out for the other guy and follows my mothers sage advice of; “Just pretend that the other person does not know what they’re doing”. This has saved my life many times –including this morning.
This morning while driving down King St. in Northampton, I realized that this “wild” theory that I have been compelled to develop is actually true: Connecticut drivers are out to get me. This theory developed over time through what I percieved as coincidence, a very consistent coincidence albeit, but too consistent too ignore. This morning proved without a shadow of a doubt that my car has a “target” on it, invisible to me, but one that CT drivers attack with zeal. The first attack came from a Dunkin Donuts parking lot. I was driving down the road, heavy rain pouring–which leads to even more confusion and indecision with most drivers as it is, listening to “Sea Of Madness” by Iron Maiden and I see a Nissan Maxima lying in wait for me. There were no other cars in the immediate vicinity but as I approach and got literally 10 feet from this vehicle, it pulls out, slowly...methodically?, cutting me off and causing me to hit the brakes assertively and swerve a bit. Naturally, my skill level prevented any altercations but as I composed myself, I looked at the license plate to see: it was a CT driver. After cutting me off, the driver proceeded to go down King St at 15 MPH in an nearly successful attempt to strip me of my sanity. I did rise above this trauma and tried to put it behind me.
The next attack came from a late model Maroon Minivan on Interstate 91 South. I spent a bit of time in the passing lane due to the invalids driving like shit in the cruising lane and me wanting to go a bit faster. I’m going around 77 MPH and listening to “Wild Side” by Motley Crue and this minivan is aggressively driving on my tail and almost in my trunk with erratic urgency in it’s movements. 77 MPH is just not fast enough for entitled/important people. I got annoyed and moved to the invalid lane only to glance ahead and see: CT Plates on the minivan. Rather than give chase and investigate these "coincidences" I just let the lunatic proceed down the highway and watched as it pulled similar tactics to other drivers in the passing lane. I chocked it up to, just a complete asshole who happens to drive like a fucking inconsiderate piece of shit, who also happens to reside in CT. However, the next attack would confirm my darkest nightmares.
I pulled off the highway in Holyoke into the ridiculous line of traffic, waiting like war-time refugees in line for food rations, to begin the process of "turning left onto Whitney Ave". I’m listening to “Sub-Zero Fun” by Autolux and enjoying it while reflecting on the recent attempts on my life by the two CT drivers when I see a white Toyota Venza (a car I like quite a bit) veering into my lane from the other direction. My heart jumped as this car literally missed the side of my car by maybe 2-3 feet (in the car that seems like 2-3 inches!)and I saw the white/blue-ish CT license plate like teeth as it barreled towards my position. After running through my entire swear repertoire and making up some new ones, I calmed down and shuddered with fear. Why are the drivers from the state of CT after me??? What could I have done to earn their hatred?? Is it all of the residents of this state or just a very organized group of them who are determined to take me out??? Again, why?? Even still, one of their members consistently attacks my Facebook page with Anita Baker videos and other propaganda to taint my good name and sanity (he currently has the #1 ranking on the post of UPDATED: CBR-STR Rankings). I have no answers but only this question: “Why do Connecticut drivers drive so horribly and why have they targeted my life?”
In other news, Swillmerchants are finally hitting the studio to begin tracking drums for our forthcoming album. The writing so far has been very open and collaborative and feels of personal “evolutions” as the members of the band have really been at crossroads in life with relatively big changes going on. Still, we create our music and I can feel that it is truly reflective of where our lives are "at" and going, making me confident that it is “real”. Wednesday we got together and rehearsed the four songs that we will start with and I just feel so optimisitc and confident about what we are embarking on. This record should be “special” so, wish us luck -or bad luck (as I’m sure some of you will :) )as we “begin”. I’m sure I’ll write about the recording of the record soon but in the meantime, here’s some shameless promotion of us via YouTube video. It’s a fan video with rather explosive/distorted audio at times but still gets the point across!
Cheers.
~ZFJ
This morning while driving down King St. in Northampton, I realized that this “wild” theory that I have been compelled to develop is actually true: Connecticut drivers are out to get me. This theory developed over time through what I percieved as coincidence, a very consistent coincidence albeit, but too consistent too ignore. This morning proved without a shadow of a doubt that my car has a “target” on it, invisible to me, but one that CT drivers attack with zeal. The first attack came from a Dunkin Donuts parking lot. I was driving down the road, heavy rain pouring–which leads to even more confusion and indecision with most drivers as it is, listening to “Sea Of Madness” by Iron Maiden and I see a Nissan Maxima lying in wait for me. There were no other cars in the immediate vicinity but as I approach and got literally 10 feet from this vehicle, it pulls out, slowly...methodically?, cutting me off and causing me to hit the brakes assertively and swerve a bit. Naturally, my skill level prevented any altercations but as I composed myself, I looked at the license plate to see: it was a CT driver. After cutting me off, the driver proceeded to go down King St at 15 MPH in an nearly successful attempt to strip me of my sanity. I did rise above this trauma and tried to put it behind me.
The next attack came from a late model Maroon Minivan on Interstate 91 South. I spent a bit of time in the passing lane due to the invalids driving like shit in the cruising lane and me wanting to go a bit faster. I’m going around 77 MPH and listening to “Wild Side” by Motley Crue and this minivan is aggressively driving on my tail and almost in my trunk with erratic urgency in it’s movements. 77 MPH is just not fast enough for entitled/important people. I got annoyed and moved to the invalid lane only to glance ahead and see: CT Plates on the minivan. Rather than give chase and investigate these "coincidences" I just let the lunatic proceed down the highway and watched as it pulled similar tactics to other drivers in the passing lane. I chocked it up to, just a complete asshole who happens to drive like a fucking inconsiderate piece of shit, who also happens to reside in CT. However, the next attack would confirm my darkest nightmares.
I pulled off the highway in Holyoke into the ridiculous line of traffic, waiting like war-time refugees in line for food rations, to begin the process of "turning left onto Whitney Ave". I’m listening to “Sub-Zero Fun” by Autolux and enjoying it while reflecting on the recent attempts on my life by the two CT drivers when I see a white Toyota Venza (a car I like quite a bit) veering into my lane from the other direction. My heart jumped as this car literally missed the side of my car by maybe 2-3 feet (in the car that seems like 2-3 inches!)and I saw the white/blue-ish CT license plate like teeth as it barreled towards my position. After running through my entire swear repertoire and making up some new ones, I calmed down and shuddered with fear. Why are the drivers from the state of CT after me??? What could I have done to earn their hatred?? Is it all of the residents of this state or just a very organized group of them who are determined to take me out??? Again, why?? Even still, one of their members consistently attacks my Facebook page with Anita Baker videos and other propaganda to taint my good name and sanity (he currently has the #1 ranking on the post of UPDATED: CBR-STR Rankings). I have no answers but only this question: “Why do Connecticut drivers drive so horribly and why have they targeted my life?”
In other news, Swillmerchants are finally hitting the studio to begin tracking drums for our forthcoming album. The writing so far has been very open and collaborative and feels of personal “evolutions” as the members of the band have really been at crossroads in life with relatively big changes going on. Still, we create our music and I can feel that it is truly reflective of where our lives are "at" and going, making me confident that it is “real”. Wednesday we got together and rehearsed the four songs that we will start with and I just feel so optimisitc and confident about what we are embarking on. This record should be “special” so, wish us luck -or bad luck (as I’m sure some of you will :) )as we “begin”. I’m sure I’ll write about the recording of the record soon but in the meantime, here’s some shameless promotion of us via YouTube video. It’s a fan video with rather explosive/distorted audio at times but still gets the point across!
Cheers.
~ZFJ
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Speculation of a scene, pretense and delusions, oh what a wonderful time!
I approached Saturday with some optimism. I left with MORE optimism...
but not in the normal, comforting sense. I had a conversation the night before with a good friend and former bandmate in regards to the show Saturday. He said it seemed like a lot of people were coming out, many even had a sense that it may be the start of a new "scene". Everybody talks about "the scene is dead..." or "music sucks around here now...". Not really, it's just hard to find an enjoyable event sometimes. Anyway, I foolishly agreed with my friend about the feeling of something being started anew. Wrong about the scene, right about something starting.
My singer booked the show a few months ago and set the lineup with the owner of the venue, who by the way, puts any club owner to shame with his promotional efforts and genuine advocacy for original bands. Fast forward to the show: one band showed up early, set up all their stuff and basically tried to dictate the lineup putting our back to the wall to clarify things with the other band who was bitching about going last. Don, the owner, told us the actual lineup and then the band going last started sulking and bitching through the bar. When I told the guitar player that they would have to go last and he says to me "Oh, that kind of sucks. We told everyone we were playing at 10 and they were going to watch our set and then leave..." Wow...WOW. Perhaps I just heard it wrong?? What the fuck is that??? The other band demanded the slot right before my band and they deserved it because they were the other band on the bill with us the whole time. They played their music. They broke down their gear and then, none of them were seen in the bar during our set. As if they are really something??? It's ok, a couple hundred other people decided to stay in the room to watch our set. My band's never been anything but cool to this crew but they sure like to talk shit about my band for some reason. It is endlessly flattering when you're a relatively big target. Shit like that doesn't nurture a scene. It destroys it. The fucking self serving, self consumed and delusional musicians that have such tiny visions for themselves they can't even see beyond their own recognition or praise seeking. I'd love to see musicians out supporting each others shows, saying decent things, not being jealous when other bands get success but rather using it to fuel their fire...it's nearly impossible to succeed alone.
Something DID get started after Saturday. A few key people are on fire again and that means some fucking good things are going to happen. So, people, get together. Drop your storylines, issues and what you think you know and we all may get the vibes we want again.
This is the first post for the new blog: zero fun John.
but not in the normal, comforting sense. I had a conversation the night before with a good friend and former bandmate in regards to the show Saturday. He said it seemed like a lot of people were coming out, many even had a sense that it may be the start of a new "scene". Everybody talks about "the scene is dead..." or "music sucks around here now...". Not really, it's just hard to find an enjoyable event sometimes. Anyway, I foolishly agreed with my friend about the feeling of something being started anew. Wrong about the scene, right about something starting.
My singer booked the show a few months ago and set the lineup with the owner of the venue, who by the way, puts any club owner to shame with his promotional efforts and genuine advocacy for original bands. Fast forward to the show: one band showed up early, set up all their stuff and basically tried to dictate the lineup putting our back to the wall to clarify things with the other band who was bitching about going last. Don, the owner, told us the actual lineup and then the band going last started sulking and bitching through the bar. When I told the guitar player that they would have to go last and he says to me "Oh, that kind of sucks. We told everyone we were playing at 10 and they were going to watch our set and then leave..." Wow...WOW. Perhaps I just heard it wrong?? What the fuck is that??? The other band demanded the slot right before my band and they deserved it because they were the other band on the bill with us the whole time. They played their music. They broke down their gear and then, none of them were seen in the bar during our set. As if they are really something??? It's ok, a couple hundred other people decided to stay in the room to watch our set. My band's never been anything but cool to this crew but they sure like to talk shit about my band for some reason. It is endlessly flattering when you're a relatively big target. Shit like that doesn't nurture a scene. It destroys it. The fucking self serving, self consumed and delusional musicians that have such tiny visions for themselves they can't even see beyond their own recognition or praise seeking. I'd love to see musicians out supporting each others shows, saying decent things, not being jealous when other bands get success but rather using it to fuel their fire...it's nearly impossible to succeed alone.
Something DID get started after Saturday. A few key people are on fire again and that means some fucking good things are going to happen. So, people, get together. Drop your storylines, issues and what you think you know and we all may get the vibes we want again.
This is the first post for the new blog: zero fun John.
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