Hello readers. Through the duration of the last month, the CBR-STR efforts of the "elite" athletes were relatively laughable and almost a disgrace. Still, some contenders proved resiliant and creative while others were just plain consistent and diligent. Some have even made it to the CBR-STR for the first time. Either way, it all adds up to them having good times while making "fun" out of "me", my life, my soul and my dreams.
"Chop Bust Rating" or “CBR” is a designated number between 1-100 and will be reflective of recent and/or long standing ball busting, combined with the intensity of the shit talk & skit-making-up and divided by other numbers...then multiplied by still more numbers.
The "STR" -also known as the "Shit Talk Ratio" is an hourly over daily fraction such as “24/7” which represents the bulk amount of ball busting/shit-talking/chop busting that is done weekly. The Top Ten CBR-SBR Rakings will be updated periodically. Below are the current top ten rankings.
1) Christopher "Maurice" Deprey (aka San Fransisco Cocksucker, Iron Chris Deprey) Top Attributes: Good looking, creative, musician, lunatic.
Made The Top Ten because: Although Chris slipped drastically in his consistency in his shit talking and had minimal chop bust intensity last month, he did contribute excellent, thoughtful movie plots scenarios featuring good ole ZFJ as the main characters on my FB wall. However he stopped leaving actually-mean, not-joking messages as FB comments on my profile such as “you piece of shit” and/or “fuck you” which cost him points. He also took the initiative and posted Anita Baker videos on my page, which gained him points. And, he’s planning something new I'm sure.
STR: 24/7
CBR: 93
2) Rich Tardy (aka Rich, Tardy)
Top attributes: Intelligent, band-mate, sells the sizzle, best amigo.
Made the Top Ten because: He is still consistently the most productive person in either coming up with shit to bust on about my life both in my face and/or behind my back. Rich was highly successful in his first political campaign as he took down the most votes via readers poll for the best movie skit posting on my FB wall. Yay! Rich is a key enabler of Rob Driscoll, who has been sitting at the bar late nights drawing pictures of, “supposedly” ZFJ. He also led a recent shit talking session at the bar with Eric Arena, Mick Hubis, my neighbor Scott and of course Rob and Jenni, “The Artists”.
STR: 24/7
CBR: 92
3) Recruit (Aka: Ammo, Seppulon)
Top Attributes: Very cute, brilliant, methodical, calculating
Made The Top Ten because: Wow. Just had to yell at her again because, as I’m typing this, she is tickling my fucking elbow trying to burrow into one of the pillows of my "command station" here on the couch! Damn…Refer to blog post “A few thoughts about Ammo” for background on the battles with my dog. After her defiance reached unprecedented levels of audacity, I was forced to research and find that, my dog is actually trying to out-think me! The pissing on the floor…the couch sitting…flipping her food out of her dog bowl to eat it off the floor...or to enrage me?
STR:(N/A because she can’t talk. Would be: 24/7)
CBR: 90
4) Hollywood G-Man (aka Mike Govoni)
Top Attributes: Can legally shoot me, musician, lives on his own planet, Norm.
Made the Top Ten because: Although G-Man had a generally weak month, after writing the post “Imagine, Nothing to die for. Nothing to kill for. Part I”, it reminded me of how that man destroyed my dear, sweet sport and stripped me of my innocent and honorable thoughts about life. He also contributed solid movies skits and shit talking right on my FB wall. He still does not approve of my lifestyle or existence. Hates my former band. Hates my current band. Hates my future band.
STR: 15/6
CBR: 84
5) Rob Driscoll (aka Bobby D)
Top Attributes: Painfully good looking, hip, musician, artistic.
Made the Top Ten because: He remains a strong administrative/behind the scenes player in Rich's anti-ZFJ efforts. He is enthralled with trying to make me look like shit by drawing ZFJ pictures while drinking his life away at the bar and he continues to enjoy running skits with Rich and other people right in my face. Hates my current band.
STR: 11/7
CBR: 69 :)
6) Anonymous (aka “A Face In The Crowd”)
Top Attributes: Reads ZFJ Blog, hates my current band, has decent vocabulary, plays drums?
Made The Top Ten because: Runs at the mouth via text on this very blog, that is a GOOD thing. Hides behind the “Anonymous” tag which is lame. The mystery commenteer tries to talk all assertive and shit but ends up stammering around with untruths. Read the post, “The 'Left' Side of The Scene and How to Be A 'Northampton Band'", for exciting details.
STR: *Ranking system currently unable to process this data*
Estimate: Life is consumed with hatred of my band and Eric Suher.
CBR:38
7) Jenni Sussman(aka Jennifer Sussman)
Top Attributes: Artistic, “Sneaky Mean”, Gets to hang out with Rob Driscoll a lot, Good friend.
Made The Top Ten Because: She is a key enabler in the ZFJ drawings that Rob spends his days creating and even is gracious enough to lend her art skills to bring the drawings to "life". She also doesn’t like when we listen to mixes loud and she dates Rob, for now…
STR: 8/4
CBR: 37
8) Joseph Mancuso (aka Joey Kiss)
Top Attributes: Hot, cultured, actor, attractive.
Made the Top Ten because: He still joins in AND is a major contributor to ball busting despite being overwhelmed at times with his amazing fucking life. Hates my former band. Even with a pathetic chop bust/shit talk effort last month he did contribute rock solid, consistent movie skits to my FB wall. STR is low because last month, well, I guess his life was just too good to focus on chop busting. Good for him.
STR: 0.653/0.0236 * life still too good to focus enough for higher rating*
CBR: 41
9) Kevin Ace (aka Kevin Ace Demaria)
Top Attributes: Grammar, Wrestling Analysis, Saviour, Wiffle Ball
Made The Top Ten because: Well, let’s say he crawled in to The Top Ten CBR-STR Rankings. Due in part to the paltry efforts of other competitor's chop bust initiatives last month but mostly because of his effective movie skit placements and frequent referencing of a slight lisp I may have at times. The fact that he once raised me from the depths of hell only served to slightly magnify his sub-standard chop bust/shit talk efforts.
STR: 8/3
CBR: 25
10) Matt Silberstein (aka MAtt)
Top Attributes: Facial hair, musician, music knowledge, room-mate.
Made the Top Ten because: Persists in singing Rick Astley's "Never Gonna Give You Up" en route to the shower. Told me to basically pound sand when I asked to use his bass head for a show and then proceeded to use my bass cab for practice. I wrote this just to get him pissed, which I think worked… Otherwise, his CBR/STR is just in the toilet right now. URGENT REAL TIME UPDATE!!! He just busted in the front door with aggression when I asked him if he has a certain drum stool in his posession! Wow readers, FYI his ranking was literally just "14". He gained 6 points just like that again proving that, the race ain't over until it's over!
STR: 6/2
CBR: 20
Stay tuned for updates as the world class athletes featured right here on ZFJ Blog continue to battle for prestige and power in the CBR-STR Rankings!
~ZFJ
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Friday, March 25, 2011
About a kid who lived until the end
This past Saturday I got the news of the passing of a childhood friend. Actually, Bryan was the first friend I was conscious of in life. You know, the one you knew was an actual partner-in-crime. The one you knew you had common ground with when you were young and just learning everything, and the world was a big scary wide open place that you attacked together? That friend. Readers, we go back to pre-kindergarten days and his birthday was literally one day before mine –which we got a kick out of -and we had nicknames of Bryan “Apple” (Adams was his last name) and John St. “Orange” respectively –which we also got a kick out of. He was a “crazy” even back then –in a good way. We would ride our BMX bikes in “The Horse Trails” which were an extensive network of woods that were located behind our neighborhood –and he was fearless. I was not. The kid would fly off hills and jumps like crazy and so would I, just not as high and not with as much reckless abandon. I never rode his self-built half pipe with my bike but did so with my skateboard earning plenty of bumps and bruises in the process. He was a kid that just went for it and I learned a lot from him! He was a fellow musician, a fellow Gemini, a fellow guy who valued his friends and family in the highest regard and, a fellow “mad one”. We drifted apart in the physical-proximity sense but stayed friends for many years and managed to stay in touch even though he moved to Miami to pursue his life goals. Whenever we’d end up in the same place it was always “like yesterday” and we always shared honest, optimistic conversation based from many years of friendship and the sense of mutual origins we both had.
Bryan lived life as it should be; he was really alive. He wanted no obituary. He wanted nobody to be in sorrow for him. He was vibrant to the end. Why, even the Tribute handout that was available at his service simply had his picture with the text: “Bryan Keith Adams, June 14th – March 18th 2011”. He felt there was no birth year needed as age was never his concern, really living was his concern. A mutual friend at his service shared a story with me of his last day. Bryan, who was down to 74 pounds and could not really speak or even raise his arms, softly requested something which another mutual friend had to get very close to even hear. The request was “Corona with lime”. This was quickly provided and he was able to toast one last time with friends and family and was even able to lift his arm with dogged determination to consume a portion of the sweet beverage. His last words were a request for a “Cuban” (cigar). He then closed his eyes to this existence forever. He stayed “alive” until the very end.
Bryan’s passing struck a different chord within me. I thought back to when we met and how we hung together for so long and could not quench our thirst for life. I remember the youthful feelings of our endless search for kicks, optimism, fear, trust, growing and learning things for the first time. It’s weird having all these thoughts that go back to a time when things felt unlimited and the world was a massive, uncharted place for us to explore.
On Sunday as my young son and I played in the backyard, I watched as he ran full speed towards me, excited about all his new discoveries and having to “report” them to me. Unintentionally, my heart went back to those beautiful, innocent and naïve days when anything was possible. I thought of myself and Bryan as young children and all the things we were doing and were going to do. This sent me into a depression that was the likes of something I had not previously experienced. Thinking of a young man who just went out and lived, who just went and did it and who never stopped going for what he wanted, but then thinking, if I knew then what I know now; that he would only go this far. Oh the thoughts of life’s realities, they can be harsh at times. But A child does not have these thoughts because they are too busy believing –as my young son was that Sunday. They haven’t learned yet that they “can’t”. Kids are just too busy doing everything and going forward into the endless possibilities to be weighed down with these realities and, too busy in living life as it unfolds in front of them. My friend Bryan was able to live that way the whole time. R.I.P Bryan “Apple”.
We should all be too busy with that –living life. There is no time to “grow up”. There is no reason to abandon your dreams. There is no reason to settle for. There is no time to wait to become who you want to be in life. There is no point when you can stop fighting to earn the life you want. There is no point to abandon childlike optimism. This, now, is the point when we should learn everything and go forward into the endless possibilities. Now is the point to believe that we’re just at the beginning.
~ZFJ
Bryan lived life as it should be; he was really alive. He wanted no obituary. He wanted nobody to be in sorrow for him. He was vibrant to the end. Why, even the Tribute handout that was available at his service simply had his picture with the text: “Bryan Keith Adams, June 14th – March 18th 2011”. He felt there was no birth year needed as age was never his concern, really living was his concern. A mutual friend at his service shared a story with me of his last day. Bryan, who was down to 74 pounds and could not really speak or even raise his arms, softly requested something which another mutual friend had to get very close to even hear. The request was “Corona with lime”. This was quickly provided and he was able to toast one last time with friends and family and was even able to lift his arm with dogged determination to consume a portion of the sweet beverage. His last words were a request for a “Cuban” (cigar). He then closed his eyes to this existence forever. He stayed “alive” until the very end.
Bryan’s passing struck a different chord within me. I thought back to when we met and how we hung together for so long and could not quench our thirst for life. I remember the youthful feelings of our endless search for kicks, optimism, fear, trust, growing and learning things for the first time. It’s weird having all these thoughts that go back to a time when things felt unlimited and the world was a massive, uncharted place for us to explore.
On Sunday as my young son and I played in the backyard, I watched as he ran full speed towards me, excited about all his new discoveries and having to “report” them to me. Unintentionally, my heart went back to those beautiful, innocent and naïve days when anything was possible. I thought of myself and Bryan as young children and all the things we were doing and were going to do. This sent me into a depression that was the likes of something I had not previously experienced. Thinking of a young man who just went out and lived, who just went and did it and who never stopped going for what he wanted, but then thinking, if I knew then what I know now; that he would only go this far. Oh the thoughts of life’s realities, they can be harsh at times. But A child does not have these thoughts because they are too busy believing –as my young son was that Sunday. They haven’t learned yet that they “can’t”. Kids are just too busy doing everything and going forward into the endless possibilities to be weighed down with these realities and, too busy in living life as it unfolds in front of them. My friend Bryan was able to live that way the whole time. R.I.P Bryan “Apple”.
We should all be too busy with that –living life. There is no time to “grow up”. There is no reason to abandon your dreams. There is no reason to settle for. There is no time to wait to become who you want to be in life. There is no point when you can stop fighting to earn the life you want. There is no point to abandon childlike optimism. This, now, is the point when we should learn everything and go forward into the endless possibilities. Now is the point to believe that we’re just at the beginning.
~ZFJ
Thursday, March 17, 2011
The Working Mans Quote Trip
Sooooooooo...hello there you vibrant blog-reading types! Here I am at the daily grind, the bill payin' machine, the ole "9-5" on good Ole' St.Patricks day 2011! Bars will be filled with celebratory, sloppy, happy, self-righteous drunken people who'll be singing, reveling, drooling, passing out, involved in some grandiose scheming and proclaiming everlasting love for their "brothers" while also partaking in other generally loud and/or fun times while, "being Irish". Since I can't be involved in this type of activity at the moment -especially the grandoise scheming type thing- I decided to enlighten you with some quotes that I dig.
Why you ask?
Because I can.
Begin:
"No matter how hot she is, somebody somewhere is sick of her shit." -ZFJ
"In a closed society where everybody's guilty, the only crime is getting caught. In a world of thieves, the only final sin is stupidity."
-H.S. Thompson
"You used to be able to tell the difference between hipsters and homeless people. Now, it's between hipsters and retards. I mean, either that guy in the corner in orange safety pants holding a protest sign and wearing a top hat is mentally disabled or he is the coolest fucking guy you will ever know." -C.Klosterman
"Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don't know one child with a full time job and children." -B.Hicks
"We walk away like strangers on the street, gone for eternity." -K.West
"May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house." -G.Carlin
"Have I not destroyed my enemies if I have made friends of them?"
-A.Lincoln
"If I was scared...I would. And if I was bored...you know I would. And if I was yours...but I'm not." -A.Fire
"The room is on fire as she's fixing her hair." -T.Strokes
"If you define your personality as creative, it only means you understand what is perceived to be creative by the world at large, so you're really just following a rote creative template. That's the opposite of creativity. Everybody is wrong about everything, just about all the time."
-C.Klosterman
"The sluggard burieth his hand in the dish; It wearieth him to bring it again to his mouth." -B.Proverb
"Noted AND appreciated." -ZFJ
"I have a theory that the truth is never told during the nine-to-five hours." -H.S. Thompson
"Human beings, vegetables, or comic dust, we all dance to a mysterious tune, intoned in the distance by an invisible player." - A.Einstein
"For me, life is writing and I can do it anywhere. It doesn't matter where I am. I listen. I write. I live." -M.J. Keenan
"My optimism wears heavy boots and is loud." -H.Rollins
"One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor." -G.Carlin
"Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new."
-A.Einstein
"Though you pound a fool in a mortar with a pestle along with crushed grain, Yet his folly will not depart from him." -B.Proverb
"Your Mother." -Everyone (especially ZFJ)
"Two great European narcotics, alcohol and Christianity." -F.Nietzche
“Question: Do you know how old I’ll be by the time I learn how to play the piano? Answer: The same age you will be if you don’t.”
-J.Cameron
"The true man wants two things: danger and play. For that reason he wants woman, as the most dangerous plaything." -F.Nietzche
"Nobody really cares what YOU need." -ZFJ
"The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit."
-Somerset Maugham
"You can tell German wine from vinegar by the label." -M.Twain
"You've got to be honest; if you can fake that, you've got it made." -G.Burns
"Never hold discussions with the monkey when the organ grinder is in the room." -W.Churchill
"Hollywood is a place where they'll pay you a thousand dollars for a kiss and fifty cents for your soul." -M.Monroe
"As our enemies have found we can reason like men, so now let us show them we can fight like men also." -T.Jefferson
"Every man dies. Not every man really lives." -W.Wallace
"Nothing brings people together more, then mutual hatred." -H.Rollins
"I've been on a calendar, but I've never been on time." -M.Monroe
"Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?" -G.Carlin
Fin.
There. That could possibly be the best blog ever written. But, can I really call it possibly the "best"? Yes, I just did that. I hope these quotes save your life, make you "happy", give you that reason to live you've been searching for or cause you to take approximately 7:43:17 out of your day to read them. There are so many more but you already hate me for writing this post so I shall hold back.
Cheers
~ZFJ
Why you ask?
Because I can.
Begin:
"No matter how hot she is, somebody somewhere is sick of her shit." -ZFJ
"In a closed society where everybody's guilty, the only crime is getting caught. In a world of thieves, the only final sin is stupidity."
-H.S. Thompson
"You used to be able to tell the difference between hipsters and homeless people. Now, it's between hipsters and retards. I mean, either that guy in the corner in orange safety pants holding a protest sign and wearing a top hat is mentally disabled or he is the coolest fucking guy you will ever know." -C.Klosterman
"Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don't know one child with a full time job and children." -B.Hicks
"We walk away like strangers on the street, gone for eternity." -K.West
"May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house." -G.Carlin
"Have I not destroyed my enemies if I have made friends of them?"
-A.Lincoln
"If I was scared...I would. And if I was bored...you know I would. And if I was yours...but I'm not." -A.Fire
"The room is on fire as she's fixing her hair." -T.Strokes
"If you define your personality as creative, it only means you understand what is perceived to be creative by the world at large, so you're really just following a rote creative template. That's the opposite of creativity. Everybody is wrong about everything, just about all the time."
-C.Klosterman
"The sluggard burieth his hand in the dish; It wearieth him to bring it again to his mouth." -B.Proverb
"Noted AND appreciated." -ZFJ
"I have a theory that the truth is never told during the nine-to-five hours." -H.S. Thompson
"Human beings, vegetables, or comic dust, we all dance to a mysterious tune, intoned in the distance by an invisible player." - A.Einstein
"For me, life is writing and I can do it anywhere. It doesn't matter where I am. I listen. I write. I live." -M.J. Keenan
"My optimism wears heavy boots and is loud." -H.Rollins
"One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor." -G.Carlin
"Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new."
-A.Einstein
"Though you pound a fool in a mortar with a pestle along with crushed grain, Yet his folly will not depart from him." -B.Proverb
"Your Mother." -Everyone (especially ZFJ)
"Two great European narcotics, alcohol and Christianity." -F.Nietzche
“Question: Do you know how old I’ll be by the time I learn how to play the piano? Answer: The same age you will be if you don’t.”
-J.Cameron
"The true man wants two things: danger and play. For that reason he wants woman, as the most dangerous plaything." -F.Nietzche
"Nobody really cares what YOU need." -ZFJ
"The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit."
-Somerset Maugham
"You can tell German wine from vinegar by the label." -M.Twain
"You've got to be honest; if you can fake that, you've got it made." -G.Burns
"Never hold discussions with the monkey when the organ grinder is in the room." -W.Churchill
"Hollywood is a place where they'll pay you a thousand dollars for a kiss and fifty cents for your soul." -M.Monroe
"As our enemies have found we can reason like men, so now let us show them we can fight like men also." -T.Jefferson
"Every man dies. Not every man really lives." -W.Wallace
"Nothing brings people together more, then mutual hatred." -H.Rollins
"I've been on a calendar, but I've never been on time." -M.Monroe
"Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?" -G.Carlin
Fin.
There. That could possibly be the best blog ever written. But, can I really call it possibly the "best"? Yes, I just did that. I hope these quotes save your life, make you "happy", give you that reason to live you've been searching for or cause you to take approximately 7:43:17 out of your day to read them. There are so many more but you already hate me for writing this post so I shall hold back.
Cheers
~ZFJ
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