Tuesday, December 11, 2012

If ya ain't first, yer last.

Hi folks!

Here's hoping that you're well and you're enjoying the holiday season so far.

Ok, on with it!

Today, I observed a light-blue colored Nissan Altima that had parked in the Northampton Wellness parking lot, diagonally. Taking up two full parking spaces. Of course, the vehicle also boasted Connecticut license plates. This kind of thing has always amused me because it is so telling about the driver. It tells things like,

"I'm so bold and hard-charging that I'll brazenly take up two parking spaces so that other drivers --obviously inferior to me-- won't have a chance to even hit my amazing car." As if your light-blue colored Altima is really that much at risk???.

This car was a Nissan Altima folks. A car that thousands of people drive. Not even a Maxima! Just a plain ole Altima that nobody would give a fuck about! Not a Bentley...not a Mercedes...not a Cadillac etc....just a normal ole Altima. Anyway...

It's tells things like, "I'm so smart and proactive in my ego-driven wisdom that I'll make the decisions for you. Since I'm so much better at life, driving --and parking-- I won't even give you sub-humans a chance to hit my beautiful car"

It tells things like, "I know you'll be staring at my car --as you would be me, if I was standing here--, and thus, you will most likely hit my wonderful car in your confused, and now lustful, state of mind. Simply because I own it. And am better than you."

It tells things like, "I'm the kind of person who thinks the world revolves around me. Why, even my plain and simple Nissan Altima is a target for people like yourself who are not as great as me."

It tells things like, "I'm so impressed with my life, and possessions, including this ultra-normal Nissan Altima, that you surely must be impressed too. Let me make sure you don't hit my car because, unlike myself, sub-humans like you do not posses adequate hand-eye coordination to avoid it."

It tells things like, "Me! Me! Me!!"

It tells things like, "I'm a fucking douchebag."

I also observed a Dodge Charger re-issue car parked diagonally in the Stop & Shop parking lot. This car had a Texas plate, and seemed actually bad-ass. I figured I'd mention it here, but not trash the diagonally-parked driver. Because it looked good parked that way and the driver is probably also bad-ass.

Cheers! Happy fucking holidays!! :) Please don't fucking park as if you're so fucking special...thanks!


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