Just tryin' to live...

Hi readers!

I know, I know...tens of thousands of you are wondering where good ole' ZFJ is these days. What can I possibly be up to??? Well, I've been rather busy with livin', workin', typin' words that end with "in'" rather than "ing" and, I'm currently holed up in a hotel learning how to become a better, more efficient Angel of Death. :)

And as we know hotels are a hotbed for various social observations.

Today, right before lunch, we were notified that our lunch area had been moved to "the pit" rather than the normal, expansive dining area. Now understand, "the pit" is still awesome -the hotel is pretty awesome actually- but we still joked about us being relocated due to a group of power-executives who were requesting not to sit in there for their lunch. How could they be "lower" than others while dining??? Anyway, we break for lunch after a rigorous learning session about ant entomology/biology and we proceed to "the pit". Sure enough, standing around "the pit" conversing at high-levels, was the group of power-executives previously referenced by us. Now, many power-executives believe they are actually "better" than other humans -especially those not wearing power-suits while at lunch, and/or those who are talking about insect biology. We had chicken as an option with our lunch and I heard one of the elite power-executives jest to the tune of "what'dya got in there? Some chicken??...ha ha huh.." (readers, that joke is not on our level. It is understood by people who are upper-crust, superior and/or very wealthy. These type of people wipe their asses with freshly prepared chicken breasts while us common-folk actually eat the stuff. Hence why it was a "joke" to their kind. Still "Food" to us though....just clarifying).

I remarked rather audibly, "yeah, how'd you like a punch in the face?". They may have heard me because they moved a good distance away after that. Possibly to not get contaminated by us? Possibly to continue their clever quips about us sub-humans without potential for repercussions? We may never know...

After being released from our intense training, I headed to the hotel's gym (which is basically a weight room with two treadmills, one elliptical machine and one exercise bike). I had a t-shirt on which served to expose my "scary" tattoos and effectively establish me as a rouge. I enter the elevator where two of the power-executives, now in their civilian clothes and not within the protected confines of their uber-intelligent/nasty business cohorts, became "trapped" with me. I witnessed their distaste and uncertainty to being confined in the same elevator as myself. They did not make eye contact with me. They did however make eye contact --repeatedly-- at my tattoos, quickly looking away when they felt I may be noticing. They seemed scared as the cold realization washed over them that, they were trapped in that elevator with an obvious convict. Or derelict? Or even, a murderer??.....oh how they must have regretted their comment about the chicken at lunchtime!! ...Oh how they saw their lives flash before their eyes!!! ...Oh the terror as they realized that all their money, power executive-ness and business influence would not save them if I decided to attack. The attack, in their eyes, would be much like a rabid dog would attack...unprovoked, blood-lusty, wild, stupid and out of control. They must have feared they may never see their families, boats, bank statements, luxury cars, investment statements and mistresses again.

Guys, they're just tattoos. I'm a rather nice guy actually. No sweat....everything will be okay. Just then, the doors of the elevator opened and they rushed out of there like there was a pile of money on the hotel lobby's floor or something!! It must have seemed like the heavens themselves had opened for them when that elevator door opened! Their momentary fear and torment was over....But I'm sure they collected themselves quickly, and proceeded to make clever remarks that power-type-people would make about tattoos, and the "people" who have them ---far from earshot, of course.

Just don't make comments about our lunch again. Got it?


~ZFJ

why wHy WhY... why-why-why-why???

Why the fuck does my dog (Ammo) go outside and just bark for extended periods of time?? I've already been watching her for a half hour straight and there is nothing at all to bark at. She's not even trying to make it look convincing. I understand there is the possibility of a few mosquitoes, "holding out" to take one last swipe at me before winter really falls, or some random ghosts, which are always a very real concern. I wish I could actually see or understand why she just goes out there and barks? Her high pitched, ridiculous and ineffective bark --aimed at NOTHING, increases in volume and intensity at times to the point where she almost blows her chippy little vocal chords out. Designed to methodically pierce my thoughts and mind? ...Again I look outside, thinking surely there is a reason for this consistent level of barking she feels the need to employ, but nobody and nothing is there...she stands on the porch just barking into the distance...no "threats" to the backyard can be seen. No wind blowing or squirrels running. It continues. I feel my skin crawling and my breath tighten. Why Ammo? Why must you always do this? Is it to further torment me? There is nothing to bark at in the backyard...nothing. Why Ammo?? Really... If she could talk I bet she would say "Fuck you zero fun John".

Why must dudes post pictures of their new back tattoos complete with flexing/posing in front of the mirror?? Why? C'mon dude...just why?? We don't give a fuck.

Why do people issue status updates about their husband and every little interaction they have, IN EVERY STATUS UPDATE THEY ISSUE ON FACEBOOK?? WE just may not care, at all. Actually, we don't.

I'm not going to mention the nine million updates on the power being out and/or the snow. It just sucked. Sucks more to peruse your news feed and see 15 million updates of this nature.

Why do I keep using "we" in these little gripes?? Like I've got some army? Maybe I do?

Why do I think any of this material is fit for a blog post??

I guess sometimes we just take advantage of online platforms such as Facebook or Blogger to just blurt out whatever the fuck we want to? Foregoing our sense of "Hmmmm...now, why the fuck would anyone care about this other than myself?" Or, "Why would any of my Facebook friends give a flying shit about this???"

I've Been dying to use the expression "give a flying shit" in a post for quite some time now. If I told you that this whole blog post was created just so I could use it, and that the content within doesn't even matter (which I'm sure you're used to by now)...would you believe me? If so, why?

Ammo prefers to blurt her dog concerns and other shit out into the vast unknown of, the backyard. To further dig her knife of annoyance into my side and continue her agenda to attempt to rule this household, I'm sure of it.

Why?


~ZFJ