Why the fuck does my dog (Ammo) go outside and just bark for extended periods of time?? I've already been watching her for a half hour straight and there is nothing at all to bark at. She's not even trying to make it look convincing. I understand there is the possibility of a few mosquitoes, "holding out" to take one last swipe at me before winter really falls, or some random ghosts, which are always a very real concern. I wish I could actually see or understand why she just goes out there and barks? Her high pitched, ridiculous and ineffective bark --aimed at NOTHING, increases in volume and intensity at times to the point where she almost blows her chippy little vocal chords out. Designed to methodically pierce my thoughts and mind? ...Again I look outside, thinking surely there is a reason for this consistent level of barking she feels the need to employ, but nobody and nothing is there...she stands on the porch just barking into the distance...no "threats" to the backyard can be seen. No wind blowing or squirrels running. It continues. I feel my skin crawling and my breath tighten. Why Ammo? Why must you always do this? Is it to further torment me? There is nothing to bark at in the backyard...nothing. Why Ammo?? Really... If she could talk I bet she would say "Fuck you zero fun John".
Why must dudes post pictures of their new back tattoos complete with flexing/posing in front of the mirror?? Why? C'mon dude...just why?? We don't give a fuck.
Why do people issue status updates about their husband and every little interaction they have, IN EVERY STATUS UPDATE THEY ISSUE ON FACEBOOK?? WE just may not care, at all. Actually, we don't.
I'm not going to mention the nine million updates on the power being out and/or the snow. It just sucked. Sucks more to peruse your news feed and see 15 million updates of this nature.
Why do I keep using "we" in these little gripes?? Like I've got some army? Maybe I do?
Why do I think any of this material is fit for a blog post??
I guess sometimes we just take advantage of online platforms such as Facebook or Blogger to just blurt out whatever the fuck we want to? Foregoing our sense of "Hmmmm...now, why the fuck would anyone care about this other than myself?" Or, "Why would any of my Facebook friends give a flying shit about this???"
I've Been dying to use the expression "give a flying shit" in a post for quite some time now. If I told you that this whole blog post was created just so I could use it, and that the content within doesn't even matter (which I'm sure you're used to by now)...would you believe me? If so, why?
Ammo prefers to blurt her dog concerns and other shit out into the vast unknown of, the backyard. To further dig her knife of annoyance into my side and continue her agenda to attempt to rule this household, I'm sure of it.
Why?
~ZFJ
Showing posts with label Ghosts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Ghosts. Show all posts
Monday, November 7, 2011
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Getting the edge?
Hi there.
I finally got over my debilitating addiction to Angry Birds. If you don't know what that is, don't look it up. Don't start playing either...just don't.
Anyway, I'm gearing up for my annual full-blown NFL football addiction which by all counts seems to be more intense than ever before. As an added bonus, I've got some extra time right now to nurture my addiction as I happened to lose my job last week. More about that funny little situation later, it's a good thing overall --other than financially of course. This post is just a thought stream, a discovery and an "insider" money making idea though. You'll be both reassured and wondering why you read the whole thing by the end of it.
So, occasionally the items that make their homes in the nooks of the shower end up mysteriously on the floor of the shower approximately every 3-5 weeks. These are just simple items such as shampoo and body wash, including "Domain" body wash. They all fit nicely and methodically in these nooks and are not ever in jeapordy of falling. But they do fall sometimes with no obvious explanation, and there they were again today. My analytical and uncomfortably accurate brain went through it's automatic qualifying and default processes and came up with the only logical answer:
It's a ghost.
Now, of course I cycled through the possibilities of other causes such as a very small earthquake, a large wind burst hitting the house or possibly me, Matt or one of the neighbors slamming a nearby cabinet door or falling into the adjacent shower enclosure thus causing enough force to shake the items off. I went through various other possibilities including other underground phenomena and various human errors that could cause this. I deduced that it is a ghost who musters up just enough energy every 3-5 weeks to be able knock almost all the things off the shower every few weeks. Wow ghost, you're making a real "big" statement there huh?
Seriously. If that's all you've got then by all means proceed, if that's what floats your boat. Just keep yourself in line and while you're floating around (if you even have enough energy built up to consistently do that), make sure to take note of how much overall energy I have over here on the human side of things. That's right buddy. I know you see me running all over the place doing all sorts of tasks requiring energy don't you? Yeah that's right, so if you get out of line I will find a way to fuck you up. Clear? I'm not really "moved" by your invisible-ness and your pushing of relatively light weight shower items off of their perches anyway, ok? Plus you can't even knock ALL the items off! It seems that you're not something or a former "someone" I am worried about.
However, we may be able to find a way to profit from this partnership. If you posess powers that can allow you to see into the future, I'd like to chat. Assuming you're reading this blog of course, which most likely you are. I don't really know how to reach you otherwise because the only signs of you that I've seen are from your little shower enclosure antics. Anyway, I'd be interested in the outcomes of certain sporting events if ya know what I mean?? Hint hint...ok? Going forward, please save your energy and make an appearance or something. I'd like to ask you if you have the aforementioned powers or not, and the NFL regular season is only a few weeks away so hop to it!!! If you can in fact see into the future then I think you've found yourself a permanent home.
If not, please stop knocking shit off the shower nooks and put yourself to better use...like float around and dust the furniture or something? THAT would be impressive. And don't get any ideas of trying to "scare" anybody around here. Not gonna fly pal, just not gonna fly ok? ...talk to you soon.
There you have it readers. I know it's quite reassuring to know that your house is not the only one with a ghost(s) in it.
Bye now.
~ZFJ
I finally got over my debilitating addiction to Angry Birds. If you don't know what that is, don't look it up. Don't start playing either...just don't.
Anyway, I'm gearing up for my annual full-blown NFL football addiction which by all counts seems to be more intense than ever before. As an added bonus, I've got some extra time right now to nurture my addiction as I happened to lose my job last week. More about that funny little situation later, it's a good thing overall --other than financially of course. This post is just a thought stream, a discovery and an "insider" money making idea though. You'll be both reassured and wondering why you read the whole thing by the end of it.
So, occasionally the items that make their homes in the nooks of the shower end up mysteriously on the floor of the shower approximately every 3-5 weeks. These are just simple items such as shampoo and body wash, including "Domain" body wash. They all fit nicely and methodically in these nooks and are not ever in jeapordy of falling. But they do fall sometimes with no obvious explanation, and there they were again today. My analytical and uncomfortably accurate brain went through it's automatic qualifying and default processes and came up with the only logical answer:
It's a ghost.
Now, of course I cycled through the possibilities of other causes such as a very small earthquake, a large wind burst hitting the house or possibly me, Matt or one of the neighbors slamming a nearby cabinet door or falling into the adjacent shower enclosure thus causing enough force to shake the items off. I went through various other possibilities including other underground phenomena and various human errors that could cause this. I deduced that it is a ghost who musters up just enough energy every 3-5 weeks to be able knock almost all the things off the shower every few weeks. Wow ghost, you're making a real "big" statement there huh?
Seriously. If that's all you've got then by all means proceed, if that's what floats your boat. Just keep yourself in line and while you're floating around (if you even have enough energy built up to consistently do that), make sure to take note of how much overall energy I have over here on the human side of things. That's right buddy. I know you see me running all over the place doing all sorts of tasks requiring energy don't you? Yeah that's right, so if you get out of line I will find a way to fuck you up. Clear? I'm not really "moved" by your invisible-ness and your pushing of relatively light weight shower items off of their perches anyway, ok? Plus you can't even knock ALL the items off! It seems that you're not something or a former "someone" I am worried about.
However, we may be able to find a way to profit from this partnership. If you posess powers that can allow you to see into the future, I'd like to chat. Assuming you're reading this blog of course, which most likely you are. I don't really know how to reach you otherwise because the only signs of you that I've seen are from your little shower enclosure antics. Anyway, I'd be interested in the outcomes of certain sporting events if ya know what I mean?? Hint hint...ok? Going forward, please save your energy and make an appearance or something. I'd like to ask you if you have the aforementioned powers or not, and the NFL regular season is only a few weeks away so hop to it!!! If you can in fact see into the future then I think you've found yourself a permanent home.
If not, please stop knocking shit off the shower nooks and put yourself to better use...like float around and dust the furniture or something? THAT would be impressive. And don't get any ideas of trying to "scare" anybody around here. Not gonna fly pal, just not gonna fly ok? ...talk to you soon.
There you have it readers. I know it's quite reassuring to know that your house is not the only one with a ghost(s) in it.
Bye now.
~ZFJ
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