UPDATED: Top Ten CBR-SBR Rankings

As my friend and fellow Blogger, http://prewarcondition.blogspot.com would say, "All calls will be answered in the order they were received."

Hello readers. In this blog you will frequently read about things I get my balls busted for and the people responsible for it. Things I like are scrutinized and turned into fun for other people. They create fun for themselves, out of “me”...And, I'm just trying to live over here. I get my balls broken for: My love of Coleslaw, my “control station”, Ranch dressing, my "weight" problem, French dressing, fantasy football, my former band, my current band, Ammo and even the fact that I lost 11 sports bets in a row over the weekend. Hard to do...I do appreciate these people in weird ways. Not hard to do.

I've been devising this ratings report for the last few years but the overall "Chop Bust Rating" or “CBR” will be a designated number between 1-100 and will be reflective of the last year and a half or so of ball busting, combined with the intensity of the shit talk & skit-making-up and divided by other numbers...then multiplied by still more numbers.

The "STR" -also known as the "Shit Talk Ratio" is an hourly over daily fraction such as “24/7” which represents the bulk amount of ball busting/shit-talking/chop busting that is done weekly. The Top Ten CBR-SBR Rakings will be updated periodically. Below are the current top ten rankings.

1) Christopher "Maurice" Deprey (aka San Fransisco Cocksucker, Iron Chris Deprey) Top Attributes: Good looking, creative, musician, lunatic.
Made The Top Ten because: He recently created a skit where I had Gene Simmons (KISS) face makeup on but was in normal clothes during normal situations in every day life. In the skit, the people interacting with me did not ever seem to notice my makeup. He managed to work with Rich Tardy to spread this to at least 20 mutual friends and in excess of 100 different skits before I even knew about it. He also hates my former band. And, there's so much more.
STR: 24/7
CBR: 91

2) Rich Tardy (aka Rich, Tardy)
Top attributes: Intelligent, band-mate, sells the sizzle, best amigo.
Made the Top Ten because: He is consistently the most productive person in either coming up with shit to bust on about my life both in my face and/or behind my back. He also enjoys jumping in/supplementing other shit talking initiatives. And again, so much more.
STR: 24/7
CBR: 87

3) Mick Hubis (aka Demetrios Kanavaros)
Top attributes: Intelligent, grammar, musician, very outspoken.
Made the list because: He just belted me with some blogging about how lame I am. Often created(s) laughter and good times at my expense. Hates my current band. Is still awesome.
STR: 19/6
CBR: 83

4) Hollywood G-Man (aka Mike Govoni)
Top Attributes: Can legally shoot me, musician, is on his own planet, Norm.
Made the Top Ten because: He throws Biblical Proverbs at me and has inspired dullards like Dan D to also throw proverbs at me in efforts to demean me. He also does not approve of my lifestyle or existence. Hates my former band. Hates my current band. Hates my future band.
STR: 20/7
CBR: 75

5) Binaural Chinchilla-Scranton (aka Chet Thunder, Brian O'Toole)
Top attributes: Imaginative, witty, musician, writer.
Made the Top Ten because: Although we don't know each too well, he has posted two blazingly funny and demeaning versions of 1) the mint hotel album and 2) the other night's show @ Maximum Capacity. Also conducts excellent and well spoken smack talk sessions from time to time. Hates my former band. Hates my current band. Hates my future band?
STR: 13/2
CBR: 75

6) Bill Nacewicz (aka Billdo, Douchebag)
Top Attributes: Great Drummer, Whiskey, Beer, Madden (EA Sports)
Made the Top Ten because: He drop kicked me (double leg) in the back after a recording session a few years ago, shot beer into my belly button at a rehearsal and made me endure his drum overplaying for years. Hates my former band. Reads Elf Books. Hated being in a band with someone who was once in my former band :) Will probably be in my future band.
STR: 12/4
CBR: 70

7) Rob Driscoll (aka Bobby D)
Top Attributes: Painfully good looking, hip, musician, artistic.
Made the Top Ten because: He is a strong administrative/behind the scenes player in Rich's anti-ZFJ efforts. He recently worked with accomplice/girlfriend Jenni Sussman to draw the ZFJ cartoon that supposedly looks like me. This was not meant as a compliment. Rob also enjoys running skits with Rich and other people right in my face. Hates my current band.
STR: 12/5
CBR: 69 :)

8) Matt Silberstein (aka MAtt)
Top Attributes: Facial hair, musician, music knowledge, room-mate.
Made the Top Ten because: He decided one day that it is somehow humorous to sing Rick Astley's "Never Gonna Give You Up" en route to the shower. Wearing only a towel -thank the Gods for the towel. My eyes and my poor little son's eyes have both seen this horror repeatedly. He is regular contributor in chop busting. Also, Just asked him to pack this bowl and he goes “Oh yes sir! Right away sir.” In Jest about me writing this and having him run along to tend to that grunt work. Hates my former band.
STR: 15/4
CBR: 67

9) Colleen Knight (aka the Knight Owl)
Top attributes: Smart, witty, well spoken, works too much.
Made the Top Ten because: I realized that there were no girls on the list. Then I also realized how intensly she busted my chops with Rich about ranch/french dressing, eating too much, Ammo, and my life in general. She, being one of Rich's best friend, has had plenty of laughs at my expense.
STR: 10/1 *too busy/life is too good to focus enough for higher rating*
CBR: 55

10) Joseph Mancuso (aka Joey Kiss)
Top Attributes: Hot, cultured, actor, attractive.
Made the Top Ten because: He joins in AND is a major contributor to ball busting. Hates my former band. Has a much better life than I do.
STR: 10/1 *his life is far too good to focus enough for higher rating*
CBR: 50

Check back for real time updates as these elite athletes and other up-and-comers battle for Top Ten CBR-SBR Ranking honors!

A narcissistic post this was - not even busting your balls there Hubis.

~ZFJ