Monday, September 26, 2011

Fun-Employment update!

Hi readers!

You thought I gave up? Thought I am just too busy to write considering I'm "fun-employed" (meaning un-employed)and have time to be consumed with music and sports??? Well, I've been football-ing, music-ing, living, hanging, running and generally trying to make the "right" moves in life going forward, based on what my heart tells me.

That said, buckle up for an uninspiring, self-serving and boring post about things involving American Football.

The Miami Dolphins are still breaking my heart at 0-3. I still love them.

I also have quite a "problem" with a certain type of sports betting that is based on American Football and is referred to as "Fantasy..." and that some people --who are cooler than I-- occasionally refer to as "Dungeons and Dragons".

To conclude this post and mark my lackluster re-entry into the world of blogging, I will post a message below that I sent to the team owners in one of my leagues. Not just any league mind you. It's the league that holds so much importance to me. The most shit-talking and competitive league in the land. The league where I once stood atop the mountain as World Champion. The league that has stripped me of my pride --much like Rich Brewski has recently stripped G-Man of his pride by earning the World Championship belt from him and proceeding to parade it around the Eastern Seaboard for the whole universe to witness-- ...The league that has to date, broken my heart.

I almost feel bad for you because you're still reading but thankfully my narcissism prevents me from actually feeling bad.

Now, without further ado, gaze upon the remnants of my life in the form of a league message:

(**Post from "Tully's Athletic Group", September, 26th, 2011**)

"Gentlemen,

I have decided to write this note to alert you to changes that seem have happened to my "team".

As you well know, they suck.

But it seems that they have also turned rather "feminine"? Or maybe they're just terrified of playing football? Maybe the sport of Professional American Football requires a more tough, assertive or "manly" approach? Indeed it does.

Yesterday, after Scott White's team ass-raped my "team" to the tune of 153-64 (quick math: That's 89 full points), I contemplated A) Suicide. B) Dropping the whole "team" to waivers and picking up different "bums" to cart out to the field each week and C) Various other ways to humiliate these lady-like, submissive football players each week. For your humor, I have included point totals of the key players who I truly believed would go out and win for me:

Michael "Red Stilleto" Turner - 2 points
Frank "Bottom Boi" Gore - 2 points
Nate "Rub my back" Burleson - 1 point
Reggie "Gimme some cock" Wayne - 2 points
Brandon "Hold me" Marshall - 4 points

Thanks for nothing "guys" !!!

*Side note* My bench scored 92 points.

**Additional Side note** Scott White has publically stated to a number of people that his existence in Fantasy Football this season revolves around 1) Beating my team and 2) Witnessing my fall from "first to worst". Considering I do actually like Scott as a human, I am happy that he had SUCH a great day on the Fantasy Gridiron.

Not really though.

So, in conclusion, I have decided that the ultimate humilitation for these soft-headed, timid, feminine-esq, under-achieving, non-talented, un-motivated, fancy-boi-dancing-damsels on my "team", is to continue to parade them out to the playing field each week for further exposure, and further humiliation at the hands of big, tough, manly teams in our league.

Going forward, my "team" of lil' girls will "perform" under the moniker of "Boiz Among Men :)" --which I feel is alarmingly accurate. I sincerely hope you all enjoy whipping them with proverbial towels, stealing their panties, lipstick and high heels in order to hide them or throw them into the stands for further humiliation. And don't forget the ass-slapping and wedgies after a tackle!! (Wedgies are possible because they all prefer to wear thongs from what I understand)

Sincerely,

The Nite Warrior"


Disclaimers:

1) No, I am not degrading females or their athletic abilities with this post. I am actually referring to "Prima Donna" type play from the aforementioned players.

2) Yes, It burns my soul to endure a loss such as the one mentioned.

3) Hollywood G-Man was a "Paper Champion" anyway, in my opinion.


~ZFJ

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