How to think and be nasty

Hello readers. It is a grand day in the life of good ole ZFJ! Mostly because of my realization that there is another human being in the world with a positive mental attitude similar to my own...this feels simply wonderful! I've often felt stranded and isolated thinking that no one person is even close to my capacity for being "nasty". Just knowing that there are people out there who are not only bad-ass, but can also help our society as a whole to not be so lame through their awesome-ness, is warming to me in such a cold, unforgiving winter. So, to help you through your hum-drum, boring day I have listed some quotes for you to, hopefully, improve your mental attitude. They are from my future friend and mentor(hopefully), Mr. Charlie Sheen.


"I am on a drug. It's called 'Charlie Sheen!' It's not available because if you try it once you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body. Too much?"

"You're dealing with a vatican assassin. Sorry. I'm a high priest vatican assassin warlock."

"I don't know. All these words just sound cool together. They come from my grand wizard master."

"Ambien, hello, Ambien. The devil's aspirin. Anyone? Ambien? Sometimes sleep is for infants. I don't sleep. I wait. When I can't sleep I don't fight it. I just figure that there's a higher calling."

"I'm comin' for you, Warner Bros. Just let me catch my breath first. I am a peaceful man with bad intentions."

"It's perfect. It's awesome. Every day is just filled with just wins. All we do is put wins in the record books. We win so radically in our underwear before our first cup of coffee, it's scary. People say it's lonely at the top, but I sure like the view."

"I'm bi-winning."

"The only thing I’m addicted to right now is winning.”

"C’mon bro, I won best picture at 20. I wasn’t even trying. I wasn’t even warm."

"Winning."

"Tons. They're going to put it on the scale and be like, a little more, a little more. Add some gold, all your toupees. Bingo! I'm here to collect, and they're going to lose."

"You borrow my brain for five seconds and just be like dude, can't handle it, unplug this bastard. It fires in a way that is, I don't know, maybe not from this terrestrial realm. When you've got tiger blood and Adonis DNA, it's like, get with the program dude."

"Winning."

“What’s not to love? Especially when you see how I party, it was epic. The run I was on made Sinatra, Flynn, Jagger, Richards and all of them look like droopy-eyed armless children.”

"I have a 10,000-year-old brain and the boogers of a 7-year-old. That's how I describe myself."

"Winning."

“I’m tired of pretending I’m not a total bitchin’ rock star from Mars.”

In conclusion, I hope you people can learn how to win and have a positive mental attitude from this -or, at least start to think properly and start winning. Furthermore, I hope you can learn to be nasty in life by internalizing these powerful "life lessons". Please keep these sensible quotes handy so next time you feel normal and boring, you just read them again and be enlightened and excited for what you have to strive for. I know I will.

~ZFJ