The other day I caught some WWE Pro “Wrestling” on TV and it seemed more like a circus than a wrestling show to me! I watched these pretty boys parade out to explosions with bad Nu-Metal music blaring and then what transpired was more like dancing and carousing than wrestling…it was nothing but showboating, running at the mouth, flying around and flipping all over the ring –hokum! I watched in horror as young women were exploited on TV wearing bathing suits –if that. I saw lights, money, greed, endorsements, corporations, big business, evil and, sorrow. Names like “John Cena”, “Triple H”, “The Miz” and even an executive named “Mr. MacMahon” showed up to run their mouth on the show. Shit, at times it even seemed like they were acting. That’s not wrestling to me. That’s a rock and roll show. That’s show business. That’s Babylonian Society. But, my dear readers, it wasn’t always like that. It was once a pure and honest sport teeming with honor. Back in my day, it was in fact, glorious.
Back in my day it was about wrestling. It was about winning at all costs. It was about honor and submitting your opponent –another man- to your whims. Back then, we really got into it! Oh man!...from grappling, locking up and grinding it out to flurries of fists and in and out of different holds –every now and then you got so into it that you got aroused-Not that there’s anything wrong with that…it could be a pickup truck you’re grappling and rubbing against and the same fucking thing could happen dammit!... it’s perfectly normal! But, I digress…back in my day it was about wrestling. Not the glamour, not the fashion, not the scantily clad women or the endorsements. Not the drugs and backroom deals or putting some up-and-comer over. We worked hard to submit another man to OUR whims.
I was known as the “Phenom”. Largely due to my electrifying eating prowess and the fact that I could endure seemingly endless amounts of pain while fighting to win a match. I would withstand shin-bends and various other locks and holds for hours or days straight. For example, one match against Ole’ Steam Kettle (a great, grinding style wrestler with a physique shaped like a loaf of bread!)...he had me in a reverse German vice lock for a week straight. It was one of the most challenging matches I ever had but…I got out of it and won the match by way of a belly to belly suplex. (Archive #6,578B) That night we had a crowd of 1,500 fans and we just never quit. We busted our butts night after night to help build Pro Wrestling into a respected and honorable sport. We had names like “Knuckles McGuirk”, “Mangler Malone”, “Jack The Crippler” and “Ole’ Steam Kettle”, my nemesis, to name just a few. We would have given our very lives for that beautiful sport…and some nights, it seemed like we tried. Inevitably it grew, quite rapidly in fact, due to the amazing level of excitement it generated. Major companies got involved and poured money into it and arenas soon were filled with tens of thousands of fans…us veterans didn’t like it but, hey, it’s a paycheck and I was making $50 dollars per bout at this stage of my career. The World League, as it was called then, began to bring in younger, better looking “talent” –if you could call it that. These rookies were getting $1,000 per bout at a minimum and us “old guys” didn’t understand it. Hey, I was a wrestler not a businessman. One day, the GM called me in and told me that I had been scheduled to fight a kid named “Hollywood G-Man”. After I finished laughing at his name the GM told me to listen well because my job depended on it. He told me that I was supposed to “put him over” because I was an established big name in the sport and Hollywood was on the way up the ratings. He said he had “a shit ton” of endorsement money riding on this and I was “passing the torch” to the next generation. They wanted me to throw the fight in order to promote the legacy of another wrestler??? My heart sank into the depths of hell and I dutifully prepared for my opponent on Friday: Hollywood G-Man. I would do anything for my sport.
The match carried on and holds were exchanged, fists thrown, leg locks applied, got turned on once, blood spilled and we battled down to G Man on the business end of a figure four leg-lock. G Man got up wincing in pain –which I enjoyed greatly and continued to apply…it was then I realized that I wasn’t going to put this guy over. I was going to crush his will and return my sport to the battlefield of honor it once was. G Man propped himself up and whispered discreetly, “hey, you’re supposed to let up on this…you need to let me get up”. Now readers, this “throwing-a-match” thing, being all new to me, I guess I just didn’t know the protocol too well. I said “Sorry pal. Welcome to The World League”. I applied more intense pressure with righteous determination. Hollywood G Man flopped over in pain and carefully reached into the waistband of his wrestling tights. He then lunged forward and flung his arm towards me…dust billowed forth…and suddenly there was no light…I was blinded. In my panic I released the leg-lock, tried to stand and feel my way blindly around the ring but it was too late. The flurry of fists –inaccurate as they were, took their toll. The leg drop eventually sent me to a “loss” and subsequently, shot G Man into stardom. I lost more than the match on this day. I tried to wrestle after that but I just didn’t have the same passion for it. Before even a year passed, I had walked away from my beloved sport.
Four years later, there I am bagging groceries at the supermarket –part time job. I wanted full time but I had to “get up to speed” with the bagging first. When a young gentleman in a suit approached me and said “The League Grand Master would like to talk with you.” So I went. When I arrived at the Complex, I found myself gazing around a luxurious office, with Bengal Tigers adorned with diamond collars, pretty women, a private Jacuzzi, a dog that seemed like a Mutt, 3 trampolines, leather furniture and piles of money on the mahogany desk dimly lit by only a single light fixture above it. The chair slowly turned around and I stood face to face with G Man, the man who showed me all the wrong things about my sport and life itself. He got right to the point. He acknowledged that I didn’t like him but that HE respected me and, back then, well he was just a guy trying to make it in the “business” like anyone else. He told me that he was currently the reigning 9 time World Champion and he had made so much money from his endorsement deals and business sense that he purchased The World League with the financial backing of a man known as “The Dillionaire”. Readers, let me explain The Dillionaire in one word”; MONEY. G Man explained how had changed the league name to “B.S.B” or, “Blood, Sweat and Beers” for short, and secured billions of dollars in investment money and endorsements. He explained how he was a winner. It all sounded like hokum to me but, I listened anyway. He told me how big the sport had gotten in my absence and that their recent pay-per-view drew 500 million viewers worldwide. I had never heard of such a wonder! He told me that the sky is the limit. He continued to tell me of the return to passion through new warriors named “Rich Brewski”, “Joey Kiss”, “Chris Stud”, “The Walrus”, “Mike Dick”, “”Brian Malone”, “Saturday Night Nico”, “Jason The Sensation”, “Lipps Lipinski” and himself, of course. All sissy names in my opinion…He said he needed me to believe again. He said he needed me to help build the sport bigger than earth could hold. He said he needed my passion to burn again and to join him and rule The Universe hand in hand. He said to me, “Imagine. Nothing to die for. Nothing to kill for.” I felt the fire burning once again…I was back. He produced a contract with many pages and three withered attorneys emerged from the sultry shadows of the room to assist me in signing my new contract as color analyst for the B.S.B Wrestling League. I questioned why the name “Hollywood G Man” was listed in places where my name seemed like it should be (anywhere involving revenue or assets)? The attorneys explained that “I shouldn’t worry about that” so I didn’t. Hey, I was a wrestling –analyst- not a businessman.
After two hours of paperwork, G Man summoned for his assistant (a petite, submissive Asian boy) to bring someone to the office. A few minutes later I was introduced to Kevin Ace Demaria who was to be my play-by-play analyst and, I felt like my life had just begun.
To be continued.
~ZFJ
Showing posts with label John Cena. Show all posts
Showing posts with label John Cena. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Monday, February 28, 2011
Hollywood, life lessons and the “knot” in my shoulder
Take a look at some work from an up and coming actor, Joseph Mancuso. He's a good friend and he's also a real chop buster: http://www.youtube.com/user/josephmancusoactor
So, my shoulder’s been acting up. Not in the sense that YOUR shoulder may act up mind you. See, my left shoulder did have a knot in it but MY left shoulder also starred in a major motion picture movie scene with our pal, Mel Gibson –or “Mel” as I call him. It’s a long story but one you should know. Myself and some friends were cast as extras in a scene with Mel himself a couple years ago at Tully’s in Northampton for his movie, Edge Of Darkness. This was an exciting day and was quite an experience, there was one problem though. My shoulder was sitting right next to Mel himself and the director was instantly taken with him (my shoulder). I mean he does hang a nice shirt off himself, if I do say so myself and is about a charismatic as they come but still…So, my shoulder ended up getting all the screen time and hung out with Mel all day instead of myself. This led to my shoulder getting work in European films, commercials and music videos which really launched his acting career. Before I continue, I must tell you that he goes by the stage name of “Alex Blaze” and I know he reads this blog and I’m sure will come up in conversation…So, I would appreciate you humoring him or else I get to wake up with a sweet knot in my shoulder.
Anyway, people started talking about his performance in Edge Of Darkness and next thing I know it’s all parties, out till 5:00 every morning…work suffering, not eating, fast women –for my shoulder anyway, I basically drove. It was cool at first but I soon realized that he only cares about himself and livin’ the Rawk –n- Roll lifestyle as he refers to it. Anyway, his fame didn’t last long because his scene with Mel didn't make it into the movie combined with the fact that people realized he is very limited in his acting and screen presence. Recently, he has done some random, low paying work but mostly has just gotten bitter as of late. Basically acts like he can tell the right arm what to do –I think that’s actually true at times-he twists up when he’s in a bad mood and generally is a narcissistic ass. Alex is just getting to be a problem… shit. I was “going to sleep” two nights ago and that asshole tried to join in!!! Ahem, you know what I meant, me going to sleep …like resting…that’s what I meant…anyway, any advice on how to deal with this is appreciated.
Now readers, you know that good ole ZFJ likes to curl up with a good movie from time to time and, I got a chance to do so this weekend. And, as my “friend” Christopher “M”. Deprey would say: “…it’s the weekend, we all know you have nothing better to do.” Wrong Chris. I derived pleasure from watching a movie that really struck a chord in me. A movie that made me want to strive to be my best. That made me excited, made me cry and, even made me laugh. A “complete” movie named, The Marine. Featuring John Cena.
The plot is simple but extremely intricate: Cena (aka, John Triton) is a Marine that has been discharged dishonorably- all he wants to be is a Marine and therefore has trouble adjusting back home in regular life. He and his wife seem to have a great relationship. They talk about how all he wants to do is be a Marine. Some bad guys take his wife hostage randomly and then he chases them down, killing or whipping their asses and he ends up rescuing his wife.
ACT 1: Cena and the wife get the movie started with a “bang” (heh heh). Cena has his shirt off. He gets a job as a security guard. Then, there’s scene where the slick talkin’, joke crackin’, trigger happy diamond thieves steal a ton of diamonds and beat up/shoot a couple employees –one of whom was in on the job with them!!! Cold Blooded!! Then the main bad guy gives a longwinded, extra slick speech to the employees and customers on the floor and then they take off, shooting cops and blowing up cars in the process. Now, back to Cena. He’s at his first day on the job as a security guard. He meets what appears to be a new best friend while on their first work shift together. Eventually they get into a spirited brawl with a two-bit-would-be trouble maker named “The Drake”. They end up putting him and his cronies through a fucking window! Yeah!! He gets fired. They go to the bar. His best friend (the security guard he just met) gives him deep insightful advice on life and what he should do. It hits home with Cena and also gives him an opportunity to tell his new friend of his prowess in hand to hand combat, military tactics, demolitions and how all he wants to do is be a Marine. His friend looks at a the waitress’ ass as she walks by. They smile. Cena’s “best friend” drops him off at home with an endearing fist pump and reassuring parting words. This pivotal character is never seen again in the entire movie. Cena and his wife decide to take off on a romantic get away. While stopping to fuel the SUV they encounter the bad guys who are fleeing from the heist and are also getting petrol. (I have to say, again, how slapstick funny these bad guys are through the whole film while comfortable music plays in the background during their banter, simply brilliant!) Then, a cop pulls up to get fuel and the shit hits the fan. The Villians shoot one cop and the other one too –but he lives. Cena ends up diving out of an exploding gas station. His wife is taken hostage. At this point, I am edge of seat material.
ACT II: Cena jumps in the abandoned cop car and gives chase. During the nasty high speed chase, the car ends up taking hundreds of rounds of bullets and still drives perfectly. Nasty. Eventually the car flips off a cliff with the bad guys riddling it with still more bullets until it explodes. Cena leaps from the exploding car into the water below. Bad guys think he’s dead. I didn’t…they trek through the swamp to avoid cops and hide. Cena gives chase. Meets a cop (new character), the cop seems to know him for some reason, not supported by any dialogue at any point of the movie, and tells him to give up, at first. But Cena retorts. The cop seems to instantly trust him and lets him go. I would too. Cena gets snagged in a trap owned by some drug runners. They take him to their shack. The end result is: both of the drug runners get their asses get whipped. The shack catches on fire and Cena escapes the exploding building by running out of it. Cena drives up to an abandoned restaurant (it’s normal to have a restaurant located somewhere in a swamp?) and catches up with the bad guys. There is no sign of water close to this location from what the viewer can see. He whips two of the henchmen’s asses then goes to confront to two main villains. He does so. Suddenly the cop who we just heard about reappears!!! In yet another plot twist, we find out that the cop is in on the heist too! YES. New cop gets shot by main villain. The restaurant gets set on fire. Cena escapes the exploding building by flying out of the inferno and diving into –the water??? Cena catches up with the main villain who has his wife hostage in the cab of an 18 wheeler that he recently commandeered. Cena runs and jumps on the moving vehicle. Throws out the other main villain (the girl) and tries to open the locked door. The villain runs the truck through two small buildings with Cena clutching the door handle on the side of the truck. Cena is still holding on to the truck –unscathed. He does fall off the truck soon and groggily looks up as it slams into a stack of containers that explode. The truck is now ablaze and the bad guy jumps out. The truck hits four, count em’, four more piles of exploding containers as Cena chases it. The truck nose-dives into to the water in the back of the building and then, the building begins to explode. The main villain tries to kill Cena with: punches, kicks, metal pipes, a sledge hammer and a chainsaw. Nope! Cena whips HIS ass and leaps from the exploding building into the water. He gets to the submerged truck and breaks a metal bar that his wife is handcuffed to, with his hands. Gives her CPR...Love scene-Interrupted!!!- The villian takes one more shot at Cena with a chain around his neck but the attempt is reversed with ease by Cena and The villian is anti-climactically dispensed with!
THE END
So don’t tell me I’ve done nothing this weekend because, I learned to try against all odds. I learned to never give in. I learned to hit the gym way more. I learned that it is good to jump into water when escaping a burning/exploding car or building. I learned about betrayal, unconditional love and various ways that buildings get set on fire. While my friends choose to watch movies with excessive talking that goes nowhere and plots that nobody can follow, I got all these realizations through a din of explosions, guns, death, ass whippings…and, I’m a better person for it. Thanks John.
~ZFJ
So, my shoulder’s been acting up. Not in the sense that YOUR shoulder may act up mind you. See, my left shoulder did have a knot in it but MY left shoulder also starred in a major motion picture movie scene with our pal, Mel Gibson –or “Mel” as I call him. It’s a long story but one you should know. Myself and some friends were cast as extras in a scene with Mel himself a couple years ago at Tully’s in Northampton for his movie, Edge Of Darkness. This was an exciting day and was quite an experience, there was one problem though. My shoulder was sitting right next to Mel himself and the director was instantly taken with him (my shoulder). I mean he does hang a nice shirt off himself, if I do say so myself and is about a charismatic as they come but still…So, my shoulder ended up getting all the screen time and hung out with Mel all day instead of myself. This led to my shoulder getting work in European films, commercials and music videos which really launched his acting career. Before I continue, I must tell you that he goes by the stage name of “Alex Blaze” and I know he reads this blog and I’m sure will come up in conversation…So, I would appreciate you humoring him or else I get to wake up with a sweet knot in my shoulder.
Anyway, people started talking about his performance in Edge Of Darkness and next thing I know it’s all parties, out till 5:00 every morning…work suffering, not eating, fast women –for my shoulder anyway, I basically drove. It was cool at first but I soon realized that he only cares about himself and livin’ the Rawk –n- Roll lifestyle as he refers to it. Anyway, his fame didn’t last long because his scene with Mel didn't make it into the movie combined with the fact that people realized he is very limited in his acting and screen presence. Recently, he has done some random, low paying work but mostly has just gotten bitter as of late. Basically acts like he can tell the right arm what to do –I think that’s actually true at times-he twists up when he’s in a bad mood and generally is a narcissistic ass. Alex is just getting to be a problem… shit. I was “going to sleep” two nights ago and that asshole tried to join in!!! Ahem, you know what I meant, me going to sleep …like resting…that’s what I meant…anyway, any advice on how to deal with this is appreciated.
Now readers, you know that good ole ZFJ likes to curl up with a good movie from time to time and, I got a chance to do so this weekend. And, as my “friend” Christopher “M”. Deprey would say: “…it’s the weekend, we all know you have nothing better to do.” Wrong Chris. I derived pleasure from watching a movie that really struck a chord in me. A movie that made me want to strive to be my best. That made me excited, made me cry and, even made me laugh. A “complete” movie named, The Marine. Featuring John Cena.
The plot is simple but extremely intricate: Cena (aka, John Triton) is a Marine that has been discharged dishonorably- all he wants to be is a Marine and therefore has trouble adjusting back home in regular life. He and his wife seem to have a great relationship. They talk about how all he wants to do is be a Marine. Some bad guys take his wife hostage randomly and then he chases them down, killing or whipping their asses and he ends up rescuing his wife.
ACT 1: Cena and the wife get the movie started with a “bang” (heh heh). Cena has his shirt off. He gets a job as a security guard. Then, there’s scene where the slick talkin’, joke crackin’, trigger happy diamond thieves steal a ton of diamonds and beat up/shoot a couple employees –one of whom was in on the job with them!!! Cold Blooded!! Then the main bad guy gives a longwinded, extra slick speech to the employees and customers on the floor and then they take off, shooting cops and blowing up cars in the process. Now, back to Cena. He’s at his first day on the job as a security guard. He meets what appears to be a new best friend while on their first work shift together. Eventually they get into a spirited brawl with a two-bit-would-be trouble maker named “The Drake”. They end up putting him and his cronies through a fucking window! Yeah!! He gets fired. They go to the bar. His best friend (the security guard he just met) gives him deep insightful advice on life and what he should do. It hits home with Cena and also gives him an opportunity to tell his new friend of his prowess in hand to hand combat, military tactics, demolitions and how all he wants to do is be a Marine. His friend looks at a the waitress’ ass as she walks by. They smile. Cena’s “best friend” drops him off at home with an endearing fist pump and reassuring parting words. This pivotal character is never seen again in the entire movie. Cena and his wife decide to take off on a romantic get away. While stopping to fuel the SUV they encounter the bad guys who are fleeing from the heist and are also getting petrol. (I have to say, again, how slapstick funny these bad guys are through the whole film while comfortable music plays in the background during their banter, simply brilliant!) Then, a cop pulls up to get fuel and the shit hits the fan. The Villians shoot one cop and the other one too –but he lives. Cena ends up diving out of an exploding gas station. His wife is taken hostage. At this point, I am edge of seat material.
ACT II: Cena jumps in the abandoned cop car and gives chase. During the nasty high speed chase, the car ends up taking hundreds of rounds of bullets and still drives perfectly. Nasty. Eventually the car flips off a cliff with the bad guys riddling it with still more bullets until it explodes. Cena leaps from the exploding car into the water below. Bad guys think he’s dead. I didn’t…they trek through the swamp to avoid cops and hide. Cena gives chase. Meets a cop (new character), the cop seems to know him for some reason, not supported by any dialogue at any point of the movie, and tells him to give up, at first. But Cena retorts. The cop seems to instantly trust him and lets him go. I would too. Cena gets snagged in a trap owned by some drug runners. They take him to their shack. The end result is: both of the drug runners get their asses get whipped. The shack catches on fire and Cena escapes the exploding building by running out of it. Cena drives up to an abandoned restaurant (it’s normal to have a restaurant located somewhere in a swamp?) and catches up with the bad guys. There is no sign of water close to this location from what the viewer can see. He whips two of the henchmen’s asses then goes to confront to two main villains. He does so. Suddenly the cop who we just heard about reappears!!! In yet another plot twist, we find out that the cop is in on the heist too! YES. New cop gets shot by main villain. The restaurant gets set on fire. Cena escapes the exploding building by flying out of the inferno and diving into –the water??? Cena catches up with the main villain who has his wife hostage in the cab of an 18 wheeler that he recently commandeered. Cena runs and jumps on the moving vehicle. Throws out the other main villain (the girl) and tries to open the locked door. The villain runs the truck through two small buildings with Cena clutching the door handle on the side of the truck. Cena is still holding on to the truck –unscathed. He does fall off the truck soon and groggily looks up as it slams into a stack of containers that explode. The truck is now ablaze and the bad guy jumps out. The truck hits four, count em’, four more piles of exploding containers as Cena chases it. The truck nose-dives into to the water in the back of the building and then, the building begins to explode. The main villain tries to kill Cena with: punches, kicks, metal pipes, a sledge hammer and a chainsaw. Nope! Cena whips HIS ass and leaps from the exploding building into the water. He gets to the submerged truck and breaks a metal bar that his wife is handcuffed to, with his hands. Gives her CPR...Love scene-Interrupted!!!- The villian takes one more shot at Cena with a chain around his neck but the attempt is reversed with ease by Cena and The villian is anti-climactically dispensed with!
THE END
So don’t tell me I’ve done nothing this weekend because, I learned to try against all odds. I learned to never give in. I learned to hit the gym way more. I learned that it is good to jump into water when escaping a burning/exploding car or building. I learned about betrayal, unconditional love and various ways that buildings get set on fire. While my friends choose to watch movies with excessive talking that goes nowhere and plots that nobody can follow, I got all these realizations through a din of explosions, guns, death, ass whippings…and, I’m a better person for it. Thanks John.
~ZFJ
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