The Common Sense Cowboys

Sooo, Work is not in the cards today for good ole' ZFJ. Got some shit to take care of...

I had to make a stop at Radio Shack to purchase a new HDMI cable in hopes that it can fix my ailing TV's issues. A quick sidenote, Radio Shack employees go for the throat, sales-wise that is. The guy working there asks a few basic questions about the way my TV has been acting and I answer him. He goes into the "...that doesn't sound like a HDMI cable thing. That sounds like a TV issue..." spiel. Conveniently enough they just happen to sell TV's at Radio Shack. You think he would have liked for me to just say "Fuck it. How much for that 40" Flat Screen over there rather than this $15 cable?" Anyway. The new cable fixed the problem...

Driving by Autozone on the way out I view an Autozone employee standing outside having a cigarette. He looks like his life depended on that cigarette break. He had an smirky, over-confident and almost cocky look to his grizzled face. I've often wondered why these Autozone employees seem to all have this "look" when they're out on cigarette break? Behind the counter they look like they're just tired of your shit and they just can't believe you don't know what ball joint is. They work hard dealing with the stupid general public all day long but when they get on those cigarette breaks, it's time to spread their wings! If you look closely, it's like they're looking down on the rest of the world when they're donning the Autozone colors.

Are these people superior to other people? Should I know all this shit about car parts? This used to perplex me to the point that I would avoid the store until I studied and built up enough knowledge of any part I may have needed in order to not feel like a stupid piece of shit walking out of there.

But the answer hit me today and I figured it out. They just have WAY more common sense than we do in the first place and while on their cigarette break, it is their time to vent and snicker about how fucking stupid we all are. Think about it, they spend hours dealing with driveling, confused dullards who ask too many questions about how to install the alternator they just bought, or which air freshener is best for their car. One after the other the hapless customers ask a million stupid questions, effectively whittling down the customer service temperment of these car-repair/part seller gurus. Through the course of the day they realize just how much more common sense they have than we do. A whole shit ton more! As a result we see them standing out on front of the store like some kind of celebrity, comparing "stupid customer" stories with each other and generally reinforcing their unusually high common sense levels.

Eventually you would be the same if you worked there. Shit, after answering two thousand questions about spark plugs and air filters that in your opinion any person should know, you'd have the same reaction when on your cigarette breaks. You'll develop such acute common sense skills when prescribing the correct type of wax to use on your car that it will naturally give you a feeling of superiority which you then can radiate to your colleauges while on your cigarette breaks. Oh and, don't you worry if you don't smoke cigarettes, you will within one month of working that job.


~ZFJ

Common Sense, the video game.

Soooooooooo, there I am the other day, driving along Pleasant St. in Noho. Going slow enough to navigate the congested streets and to avoid the cars with people driving who aren't looking, are confused and flustered trying to get somewhere after the daily grind, are just assuming the other drivers will stop for them when they pull out into oncoming traffic and cars that are darting in and out of parking lots and streets and just about anywhere a car can operate. Indeed, slow enough to avoid the pedestrians who literally walk straight out into the street via the crosswalks and assume/expect that we will see them in time. I felt like I was in some kind of real life video game, on an "advanced" level.

I'm rolling along, got my little son in the V.I.P. back seat designed for him, he's talking about crackers, cookies, Spongebob and everything else, when I approach the area of Pleasant St. in the vicinity where Yes Computers and the restaurant that myself or anyone else doesn't seem to readily know the name of (it's the one across the street from Yes Computers...anyone??)...when, shit hits the fan.

Or, at least my groceries hit the floor.

I approach. There is an Olive colored van-type thing parked right at the start of the crosswalk line. I see no-one and I also don't have a chance to see beyond that van-type thing. I do see a women in a red coat who instantly appeared in front of my still moving car. I slam on the brakes causing all manner of non-tied down items and/or people in my car to fly forward, and I come to a stop just a foot, maybe a foot and a half from her. As I'm swearing and throwing my arms up in "are you fucking kidding me???" style, I look at her. She is glaring at me with "righteous", victim-esque anger. I say "fuck you bitch" very audibly and I guess she can read lips because she stormed onward, down the all-powerful crosswalk to continue onto her important destination. As I continued on to pick up the pieces of my momentarily shattered life -after I waited for the other pedestrians who had entered the sanctum of this crosswalk mere seconds after my near physical encounter with red-coat lady.

Now, please understand that I am completely in favor of the laws in place to protect pedestrians in Northampton and I too am frequently a pedestrian in Northampton. However, I think we should still use common sense despite the vigorous enforcement of the crosswalk law. If you can't see the road then that means we/they can't see you! So, just walking into the crosswalk could be hazardous to your health if you don't actually look at the traffic to see if a vehicle is too close. If you assume then you could be making "an ass out of 'u' and 'me'" :) Or, if you go with your entitlement and/or assumptions rather than your actual skill or common sense, I think you may have trouble in the long run...and the short run...and in the crosswalk.

I propose the creation of a video game called "Common Sense", (there may even be one already one in existence), where we can all hone and practice our common sense skills. In the game, the player will be faced with obstacles and situations of many types where they will be awarded points by using their common sense to navigate through the challenges, or, if they fail to use common sense, they will be destroyed. For example, A woman approaches a crosswalk. She wants to cross the street but there is oncoming traffic that, because of well placed obstructions, will not have the opportunity to see her and hence, will not be able to stop. Should she A) Wait to see if the traffic notices her and THEN proceed? B) Just walk right out into the street within the crosswalk assuming that the established laws will protect her even if the vehicles do not see her and end up smashing into her? or C) Walk out into the crosswalk a little bit, just past the obstruction, to at least let the oncoming traffic see her BEFORE proceeding?

The answer is tricky: It's "B" AND "C" readers! There will also be hundreds of other situations in the game where only common sense will save the player...should be exciting! Let me know who wants to help with the development of this game so we can get wealthy together! Or, go broke because no one gives a shit about common sense these days.

~ZFJ